Overcoming Challenges: Women of Color on the Path to a Dream Lifestyle with Victoria Finch

00:12 01:45- Deneen L. Garrett: Thank you for joining Women of Color, an intimate conversation, formerly an intimate conversation with women of color. This is a podcast about women empowerment stories and for women of color and LGBTQ plus women of color who want more out of life. This show is for women who have had enough and want change, especially those who have been waiting to choose themselves and to live boldly. In each inspiring episode, hear from women from different backgrounds, countries, and ages who have embarked on personal journeys, sharing their stories of empowerment, overcoming, and their path to living a dream lifestyle. I'm your host, Deneen L. Garrett, and I'm committed to elevating the voices of women of color and empowering them to live a dream lifestyle now. I'm also a women's empowerment speaker and a dream lifestyle coach. So sit back or keep it moving and check out today's episode. This week's guest is Victoria Finch, the heart healer. She's also an international best-selling author, mentor, and life coach who specializes in inner child healing and PTSD release. Victoria, tell us more about you.
01:47 02:34- Victoria Finch: Hi, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate being here today. Yes, I'm Victoria Finch, as you said, the heart healer. I am a master hypnotherapist certified by the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners, as well as certified by the International Practitioners of Holistic Medicine. I am a certified inner child healer, And I also am a master practitioner on emotional freedom techniques, also certified by the International Board of Techniques, and a bunch of other things kind of in there, including cognitive behavior therapy. But the thing that I'm most proud of in my life is that I have managed, with the grace of God, to raise three wonderful human beings.

02:34 02:52- Deneen L. Garrett: Congratulations. Yes, thank you. You are so very welcome. So tell us about being the heart healer and inner child healing, energy healing, intuitive guidance, which are techniques you use in your practice.

02:52 03:58- Victoria Finch: Yes, yes. I'm so glad that you asked about that. I actually use several techniques in my practice, lots of modalities that I am trained in. However, the intuitiveness comes in when I'm working with the client. It really depends on what I'm feeling from the client based upon our conversations, based upon our intake. and just based upon what they used to call in the olden days, mother wit. It's that intuitive sense of knowing. I may use hypnotherapy with one client. I may use cognitive behavior therapy with another client, or even NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. It really depends on the client. It's very intuitive. practice that I have because you never know what someone's going through unless you can have some type of intuitiveness about you and about the client. For instance, I see what people don't want to show me and I hear what people don't say.

03:58 05:03- Deneen L. Garrett: Which is important, right? Because often like if we're coming to someone for help, Sometimes we're reluctant, right? And often we don't necessarily want to tap into, you know, some experiences. And so for you to have that, for you to use the various modalities, to be able to be intuitive and tap into the individual is very needed. So yesterday when I was talking with my guests, We she mentioned about how she had lost her father and trauma around that. And then I shared the same thing. I lost my father when I was 12. And I later realized in life that, oh, wow, it's impacting my relationships with men. And then I also learned that it was impacting my overall relationships. Right. And so it took forever for me to even get to that point. So now I kind of own it and I'm aware and I've kind of shift around how I'm approaching things. So for you, was there an experience from your childhood that led you here?

05:04 08:12- Victoria Finch: Absolutely. You touched on two things that I want your audience to really hear. One is to become aware. We cannot fix what we do not acknowledge. We must become aware of what it is when and we must be willing to sit and go into those dark places and those dark spaces, because it's only by going through the darkness that we can get to the light. When I was about two years old, we lived in a small home. There were six children. I was the youngest of those six, three bedrooms, and I had three brothers and two sisters. I did not have a place three bedrooms six kids. My sisters were much older and then there were the brothers in between and my parents did not want the baby girl in the room with the brothers. So I went whoever would take me most of the time that was in my parents room. And there was an incident when I was about two years old where my parents asked me to leave their room. And when I left their room, I went to my sister's room, who told me to get out. I went to my brother's room, who told me to get out. Here I was, this little two-year-old child, still in diapers. All I could think to do was to sit by my parents' door. That was the first time I felt unloved, unwanted. Not enough and unworthy and that little girl sat by her parents door for over 50 years and she showed up in my life and Relationships that you mentioned men who weren't commento come what didn't want to commit to me because who wants me anyway nobody wants me and And then also being a high achiever. I always sought validation from the outside. I wanted my brothers and sisters to want to be with me. And I wanted my parents to want to be with me. And I came from a loving home, but I couldn't see it. Because I was so busy feeling abandoned and unwanted that I couldn't see all the love that around me. And about 2017-ish, I was sitting on the side of my bed with a bottle of pills in my hand, not caring if I woke up the next day. Now, I had been in and out of depression, anxiety for well over 30 years. And a lot of that had to do with my self-worth. And as I got ready to take those pills, I heard a voice sitting right beside me. I call it the voice of God that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose, and this is not it. I was an expert of wearing that fake mask, being happy, being the achiever, having it all, but that's not what I felt on the inside. And I knew at that moment I had a heart issue. And I had to seek help. I had to go from that hopelessness to that healing. And that's when I stumbled across hypnotherapy. And I thought, wow, if I feel that way, how many people are smiling each and every day and are hurting and crying on the inside. And I was given the mission to heal the world one heart at a time. And I became the heart healer.

08:13 08:49- Deneen L. Garrett: I love that I absolutely absolutely love that and so here's the thing that's interesting about what you share at to you felt that way right in. And yet, family was loving towards you. Yes. Did you unpack that in your journey, you know, with other coaches? Did you really impact that? I mean, was it that one moment and that you just held on to that for a number of years? Or were there other similar experiences where they asked you to leave and not realizing that they really asked you to leave because You are too. You know what I mean? Exactly.

08:49 10:16- Victoria Finch: You know what I mean? Right? Exactly. Oh, absolutely. We find what we seek. And any time I was told, we don't want to take her because they couldn't go outside to play or they had to take the baby with them, that was that jab. Any time I heard that, but they were kids. Yeah, right. They wouldn't drag a baby around all the time. And understanding that it wasn't about me. And that's one of the things when we're bringing people through healing is understand that a lot of what happens to them is not about them. It's about the person, the other person. And anytime I would not be chosen on the team at school, it was, well, you know, nobody wants me anyway. So that's why they didn't choose me. No, they chose their friends. Now, what I don't want to do is minimize trauma. I don't want to minimize and sit here and say, well, that's not what was really going on in your life. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is, whatever it is that you've experienced and you felt, many times, it really wasn't about you. It was about what the other person was going through. It was about what that narcissist went through as a child to become that person they became. And unfortunately, you were the target.

10:16 10:51- Deneen L. Garrett: Right, right, right. And you know what? And another thing, too. So one thing I want the listeners to to hear from what you said is how we see things, right? How we interpret it and how we see it and so on and so forth. So we really need to start practicing seeing things in a positive light, the way that we want to see the things and or see that, oh, that person actually does choose me or want to be me. Or in other words, to reframe it is when people do choose us to recognize that.

10:52 12:03- Victoria Finch: Absolutely. I love that. When people do choose us to recognize that, and that is important. I spent so much time not recognizing that. I was self-destructive, sleeping with anybody, thinking the only thing I was good for was my body, you know, taking pills, whatever. And that's what we do. And we don't realize that there was a lot of good around me. There was a lot of love around me, but I could not see. And I think many of us don't see it. Yeah, because it's how we feel in the inside and we project that to the outside. And again, if you don't acknowledge what's going on with you, what you're resisting, it's going to persist and you will bleed on people who did not cut you. Many times we find ourselves triggered, angry, afraid, bitter, depressed, because we're bleeding out what's on the inside. And one of the things we have to do is to acknowledge that. And one thing that I always want people to understand, the first step to healing after awareness is self-forgiveness.

12:03 13:40- Deneen L. Garrett: Yeah. Yes. Forgive yourself. You know, absolutely. Forgive ourselves for the thoughts that we've had. forgive ourselves for the boxes that we may have put ourselves in for the things that we didn't realize was happening. An example I'll give you is that it was years ago and I was at a concert. It was an outdoor concert. I was walking with my director and she was like, girl, all these men are trying to get your attention. And I'm like, how? Nobody came up to me and pulled my hair. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's the only thing. Somebody dragged you into the cave. Somebody dragged me, right? And nobody caved, man, me. You know what I'm saying? So that was, for many years, that's who I've been, that person that I don't see it, I don't recognize it. And so really, just like a week ago, I was somewhere, and I noticed a guy looking at me, right? It was clear, crystal clear he was looking at me. And, you know, we did catch eyes for a moment, but then I turned my head. That was me. I did that. And so I actually had the conversation with him. I had the conversation with him. And ever since then, I've been more intentional and more aware and more forgiving of myself. And, um, and now it's like men are just everywhere. You know what I'm saying? And it's not like, oh, they're all like, let's date. Let's date. It's not even that. It's just, I now have an awareness of the men that are around me. who are wanting my attention for whatever the reason is. And it's like, I'm a magnet now, right? And it's because, I mean, nothing really changed but me. I changed my awareness. I changed what I did with it.

13:41 14:05- Victoria Finch: Yes. And when you change yourself, everything around you changes. Synchronicity, God, the universe, whatever you call it. I call it God that created the universe and all. Whatever it is, things will start to come your way. You will start to notice things. You'll start to notice more men. You'll stand a little taller, your smile a little brighter because you have changed from the outside. I mean, from the inside.

14:05 14:27- Deneen L. Garrett: Yes. Absolutely. So you're committed to empowering people to live their best lives and achieve greater joy, peace, and fulfillment. And Women of Color is about empowering women of color and elevating their voices. How has your journey in this space been, especially as a Black woman?

14:27 15:29- Victoria Finch: I love that question. How has my journey been as a Black woman? I love that for several reasons. One, I recognize who I am and my culture. And I'm okay with that. I don't try to hide, you know, sometimes that hand goes on the hip and the head shakes and I'm okay with that. Right? I'm okay with that. And for me, it came down to recognizing who I am. I am who I am. I am who I was meant to be, regardless of what the skin color is. Now, does that mean I've not faced discrimination? Yes, I kill them with kindness. Because a lot of times when people are discriminating against me, I have found in my life, it's because they don't know any better. And when they're able to see Black women like myself, Black women like you, Black women who are standing up, Black women who are articulate, Black women who have a goal and a mission to serve and uplift humanity, they can't help but to accept us for all of us.

15:30 15:48- Deneen L. Garrett: Yes, yes, absolutely. And so you've kind of already addressed this, right? And you may have three different action steps or steps differently than what you've already shared. But what three actions can women of color take to tap into their power and voice?

15:48 17:39- Victoria Finch: Yes, yes. Don't lose yourself. Don't lose yourself and what other people think that you ought to be. Be you, be authentic to yourself. Know that you were put here for a purpose and a mission. And your story may not be some horrible, I got beat every day of my life, but you have a story. You've come through something. A lot of times people think we have to experience trauma or had a bad life to be worthy. And that is not the case because you've been through something and somebody needs to hear it. Don't let people silence you. Don't let people silence your voice. You have a voice. You have a testament that you need to share with the world. And the beauty of that is your voice was made for those who need to hear it. I can say the same thing. If you're a parent, you understand this. I can tell my kids something and somebody, and it's like, I'm talking to a wall. They'll come home and someone told them the exact same thing. And then you learn it. Know that you matter. know that what you have to say matters, know who you are matters, and just keep that head up high, change that physiology. If you're looking down, keep those shoulders back. And don't be afraid to walk away. We can learn some people, we can learn to love people at a distance. There's a lot of people I love at a distance. And I'm just talking right now because again, I just feel like somebody needs to hear this from the soul. Everybody in your life is not meant to stay in your life. Some people are here to teach you so that you can be elevated and you just have to learn to bless them and send them on their way.

17:39 17:49- Deneen L. Garrett: Absolutely. And, you know, and what we were talking about earlier, you know, go in those space, recognize those people who choose you and spend more time around those people in those spaces.

17:50 17:53- Victoria Finch: Yes, yes, yes.

17:53 18:19- Deneen L. Garrett: Be heard, stand tall. Be heard, stand tall. So often Black women and other women of color do a lot or even too much, right? We're doing the most. So we don't always prioritize self and self-care, which I'm sure you're coming across in your practice. I just recently took a pause in a way of a two-month social media break. Talk to us about the importance of taking time for ourselves and the power in the pause.

18:20 19:39- Victoria Finch: Yes, so much power in the pause. You matter. You matter. If you are not where you want to be or how you want to be, how can you pour from an empty cup? We spend so much time as black women pouring from our cup. We have to learn to pour from our saucer and not our cup. We have to learn to put our oxygen mask on first. One way to do that with self-care is you took a day off, take time off, but don't be too proud to ask for help. Very often as black women we're taught you can do it all you don't need this and you don't need that Why are you asking for this you can do it and all that and and it really is to our detriment honestly Because we're taught not to ask and we can do it all we don't need a man We don't this this and this but I gotta tell you it takes a village. Yes It takes a village. Don't be too proud to ask That's another way to take care of yourself. And I just have a question for the audience. Name three things you love. Wherever you are right now, name three things you love. My question is, how many of you said me first?

19:39 20:12- Deneen L. Garrett: Yeah. Well, you know what, I'm in my me stage. I am definitely in my me stage. And that's actually part, that was the reason why I chose to retire. That was also the reason why I chose to do what I do, empowering women of color, right? All because of that. So before we get into like talking about the Dream Lifestyle, I honor my late sister, author and poet, Soul True, by asking about Dreams Deferred, which is the title of one of her books. Please share a Dreams Deferred moment.

20:14 20:18- Victoria Finch: A dreams deferred moment. Could you elaborate on what you mean by that?

20:18 20:30- Deneen L. Garrett: Yeah, so it could be like you had a dream at some point and then you delayed it. And or you may have chosen a different dream or you just may not have realized it at all.

20:35 21:44- Victoria Finch: When I became a new person, I had to let go of the old self. She no longer exists. So when I get questions like this, it's a little difficult because she's gone. Set free. If I had to think of a deferred dream. Hmm. I can't really think about it because I truly believe in my life. I have been everywhere I'm supposed to be at the time I'm supposed to be there. I had my last child. I was 40 years old. And one of my good friends, she said to me, I want to hurry up and have kids because I don't want to be. What did she say? She said, I don't want to be old like you and pregnant. And I said, well, God said that it wasn't time for me to have him. I needed to wait till I was 40. For whatever reason, that's what needed to happen. And I think since that old me is so far removed from me, it's really hard for me to answer a question like that because I live every day. I'm just living the dream. I'm with you. I'm the me with a servant's heart. if that makes sense. Yes, absolutely. I'm living the dream.

21:44 22:33- Deneen L. Garrett: I don't know what to say. You know what, and that's fine because that is your answer, right? That is your moment, if you will. And I actually was at an event this weekend and June Ambrose was on a panel and someone asked her something about trauma. And she was like, she said, okay, what's your motivation behind that question? And then she said, the reason why is because I don't focus on trauma. I focus on joy, right? So, I mean, that's your answer. You don't have any deferred moments. Like if you did in that past life, that person is gone. You're now living in your dream life. So as I was saying, I empower women of color to live a dream lifestyle. So what is a dream lifestyle to you and how specifically are you living it?

22:34 23:01- Victoria Finch: Yes, freedom, freedom. I grew up, because I wanted to be loved and wanted and felt worthy, I grew up really doing everything I could for anybody and everybody, wearing myself out, as we talked about earlier, just so people would like me. In fact, I was molested as a child, because one of the threats that was given to me was, I won't like you if you don't do this.

23:01 23:01- Deneen L. Garrett: Oh, wow.

23:02 23:23- Victoria Finch: And so I wanted to be liked so badly as a child that I wanted to please everybody. I wanted to do everything for everyone. And I just lost track of the question, which is unusual for me. So the dream life for me now, that's why I brought that up.

23:23 23:23- Deneen L. Garrett: So the dream life,

23:34 24:14- Victoria Finch: for me right now is truly living my authentic self. If I don't want to do something, I simply say no. I can pack up and travel. I'm a digital nomad. When I was 50 years old, I said I would have a profession and a lifestyle where I could work anywhere, live anywhere, and have the financial means to do it. And that's what I do now. I get up and travel. Most of my friends don't ask, Victoria, how are you? They literally, every time someone calls me, Hey, where are you? They're always like, where are you? That is a dream lifestyle for me. No stress. I'm not worried about financial. My family, my kids are great. And it's just that freedom lifestyle.

24:14 25:22- Deneen L. Garrett: Yes. No, I'm with you on that. And it's funny because my friends will say, they'll say, I want to invite you to such and such if you're in town. Yes. Right? And then they're like, oh, they'll ask, oh, where are you? You know what I'm saying? So definitely, I get that as well because I'm constantly wills up, right? I'm headed to Montreal, back to Montreal tomorrow. So yes, to all of that. And you've shared, so you're how you're living your dream lifestyle and freedom is it, right? And freedom means so many different things. So when I retired in June of last year, I'm like, I don't do schedules. And I really wasn't on a schedule anyway, but mentally I'm like, I'm not doing a schedule, right? The only thing that I'm really trying to keep time of is what time is my flight? And if I have a doctor's appointment, when, you know, what time is that? And even that could get rescheduled. You know what I'm saying? So, but anything else I'm like, no, I'm not trying to be on a schedule. It just mentally weighed on me thinking about schedule. So absolutely the freedom to do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it and how you want to do it. Yes.

25:22 26:02- Victoria Finch: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And I work with a lot of clients that want that freedom. And that's what this whole inner child healing is about is releasing that little girl, that little girl that that you've trapped inside of you that wants that freedom, that wants to love again, that wants to travel, that wants to play. And it's about allowing her that freedom. And I work with a lot of clients that want it so bad but don't know how to get it and I love that you're working with women of color I love working with women of color in the community because Together we rise.

26:02 27:13- Deneen L. Garrett: Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know what? So for me, that inner child, I believe I released her after making this decision and starting to live this life, starting to be intentional. Like when you said what you said just now, I'm like, Oh my God, that's where the shift came. Right. I'm a big age and you know, and in my big age, you know, I have been like, oh, you know, I like, I'll turn my head real quick with a, when a man is looking at me or whatever, I'm turning my head and, you know, or don't even see it. Well, now it's like, no, you're going to face that. You can even, you know, initiate, you know, a conversation or whatever. That's where I'm at. And honestly, that just happened within the last week. And again, it's all part of me living my dream life. It's all part of me making a decision to choose me and to live the life that I want to live and encourage and empower others to do the same. Like I share my life, what I'm doing for that reason. And I always have, I've always shared what I was doing to encourage and motivate other people. And now I'm even more intentional with it. So Victoria Finch, before we wrap, what would you like to leave the audience with?

27:15 28:04- Victoria Finch: I wanted to say one thing I love what you're doing. I love that you're out there doing what you're doing, helping women of color helping our community. people that we can look up to. We need women that we can say, yeah, you know, if she can do it, I can do it. If she will do this and I'm going through this, I can do it and serve as those beacon, that beacon of light for others. And that's really what I do. I serve as that beacon of life and it's not light and it's not me. It's really from the divine that I call God that gives me these gifts and talents. And I recognize that. The one thing I want women of color to know is that I see you. You matter, and you are enough.

28:04 28:21- Deneen L. Garrett: I love that. I love that. And I thank you so much for your time, for your voice, for the work that you are doing. In the show notes, we will have ways for people to connect with you. Again, thank you, Victoria Finch, the heart healer. And enjoy the rest of your day.

28:21 28:31- Victoria Finch: Thank you for having me. My pleasure.

28:31 29:23- Deneen L. Garrett: Thank you for listening to today's episode of Women of Color, An Intimate Conversation. Let me know your thoughts. Send me an email at deneen@deneenlgarrett.com or tweet about it at DeneenLGarrett. My goal is to impact the lives of millions of women of color. And in order to do so, I need to reach them. And that's where you come in. Please subscribe if you haven't already done so and share the episodes. And again, let me hear from you. I'm your host, Deneen L. Garrett. I'm also a women's empowerment speaker and a dream lifestyle coach. Check out my website, DeneenLGarrett.com. And until next time have a fabulous week.