Dec. 30, 2025

The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word

The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word
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The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word

The Heart Healer Returns for a deeper conversation on inner child healing, freedom, and the power of community. Victoria Finch shares what healing looks like after years of caregiving and leadership.

In this powerful return conversation, Victoria Finch — known as The Heart Healer — joins host Deneen L. Garrett for an intimate, deeply reflective dialogue on inner child healing, emotional freedom, leadership, and the power of community.

Victoria shares the origin of her healing work, the childhood moment that shaped her life’s mission, and how decades of trauma recovery, hypnotherapy, and personal healing now inform the way she supports women at pivotal turning points.

Together, Deneen and Victoria explore:

  • Why so many high-achieving women struggle with feeling unseen

  • How unresolved childhood experiences quietly shape adult relationships and leadership

  • What happens in a woman’s nervous system when she enters a truly safe community

  • Why the next chapter of a woman’s life deserves to be named, honored, and lived fully

This episode also introduces a reflective ritual: choosing your Word of the Year for 2026 — not as a goal, but as an intention and compass for how you want to live and feel.

Victoria reveals her 2026 word — Freedom — and invites listeners to begin listening for the word that’s calling them forward.

This conversation is especially resonant for women who have spent years caregiving, leading, surviving, and giving — and are now ready to choose themselves, their joy, and their next chapter with intention.


⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS

00:0004:00 | Returning with intention & entering community
04:0009:00 | Victoria’s origin story & becoming The Heart Healer
09:0014:00 | Defining moments that shaped her healing work
14:0019:00 | Healing, leadership & choosing yourself
19:0024:00 | What women carry at life’s turning points
24:0028:00 | The work Victoria is doing now & transformation in this season
28:0031:00 | Community, nervous system safety & the Dream Lifestyle™ Collective
31:0033:00 | Naming the next chapter of a woman’s life
33:0035:00 | 2026 Word of the Year: Freedom, intention & closing reflections


🌿 ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Episode 191

This is the final episode of the year and a powerful closing reflection on:

  • Healing forward, not backward

  • Community as medicine

  • Freedom, joy, and reinvention after 50

  • Listening to the quiet pull toward what’s next


👩🏽‍🦱 GUEST BIO — VICTORIA FINCH

Victoria Finch, known as The Heart Healer, is a transformational speaker, two-time bestselling author, songwriter, and master hypnotherapist with over 30 years of experience in inner child healing, childhood trauma recovery, mindset coaching, and personal development.

She is the founder of Avalon Executive Assistants, a PR and marketing agency helping coaches, entrepreneurs, and mission-driven leaders expand their visibility and reach. Victoria’s mission is simple and profound: to heal the world, one heart at a time.


🔗 CONNECT WITH VICTORIA FINCH

📧 Email: victoria@justaskvictoria.com
🌐 Website: https://www.justaskvictoriainternational.com
🐦 Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/justaskvictoria
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justaskvictoria_
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/victoriafinch22
▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MotivationHighway
💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriafinch/
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskvictoria
📚 Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Victoria-Finch/author/B07HNKVCGV


✨ ABOUT THE DREAM LIFESTYLE™ COLLECTIVE

The Dream Lifestyle™ Collective is a private community created by Deneen L. Garrett for Black women 50+ who have lived, led, caregiven, and carried responsibility — and are now choosing joy, softness, visibility, and reinvention in their next chapter.


🎙️ ABOUT THE PODCAST

Women of Color: An Intimate Conversation is a 100 Best Women’s Empowerment Podcast hosted by Deneen L. Garrett, featuring honest, soul-centered conversations that empower women to choose themselves, heal deeply, and live boldly.

🎧 Original episode with Victoria Finch:
https://www.womenofcoloranintimateconversation.com/inner-child-healing/

 

Transcript

WEBVTT

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Welcome to another episode of Women of Color

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in Intimate Conversation. Today is actually

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our last episode of the year, so I'm excited

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to have a repeat guest. Victoria, welcome

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back. I'm really grateful we're here together

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again. So excited to share with everyone

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who's watching or listening what you're up

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to. And also to talk a little bit about the

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Dream Lifestyle Collective, which is a space

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I created for Black women 50 and up and,

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you know, just some of the things that you're

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doing within that space. So before we jump

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into things, tell the people who are just

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meeting you for the first time, share a little

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bit about your journey that led you into

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your work and how the name The Heart Healer

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came to reflect, not just what you do, but

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who you are.

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Oh, what a great question. Usually people

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will ask, thank you for having me, first

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of all. Usually people will ask me, why are

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you The Heart Healer? I love the last part

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of that. When I was a young child, I grew

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up in a loving family. I was the youngest

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of six children, even though I didn't feel

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like I was so much loved. When you're the

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baby, everybody's like, oh, get out of here,

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go away, go away. And I remember when I was

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about two years old, I was in my parents

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room and they had sent me to my brother's

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room who told me to get out and they sent

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me to my sister's room. They told me to get

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out. Now, here's the thing. We only had three

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bedrooms, six kids, two adults. So baby Victoria

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did not have her own room, her own crib,

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nothing that was mine as a child. And when

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my parents told me to leave their room and

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my brothers and my sisters told me to leave

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their room, Imagine a toddler, a two-year-old

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still in diapers. At that moment, I felt

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nobody wanted me, nobody loved me. And I

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was just a baby. And I remember sitting by

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my parents' door, knees to chest, with no

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place to go. And That little girl sat by

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her parents' door for over 50 years. How

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did she sit by her parents' door? I call

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that the hallway experience. That's it in

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between where you are and where God's leading

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you to go. And that little girl sat by that

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door in relationships that were non-committal,

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who would want me anyway. I would become

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a very, very high achiever, because I thought,

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man, if I was just good enough, if I just

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had enough, they would see me, they would

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love me, not knowing that they always saw

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me and they always loved me. But that little

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two-year-old brain stayed with me. And that

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put me in and out of depression for most

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of my life. And I remember in 2017, sitting

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by my bed, not caring if I was going to wake

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up the next day.

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Oh, wow.

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I had a bottle of pills and a depressant

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again and I get ready to take the medicine

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and I hear a voice just like you and I speaking

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that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose

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and this is not it. And I got up and I threw

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those pills away and I knew I had a heart

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issue. And so I got busy and I started to

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seek my own healing. And you know how they

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say when the student is ready, the teacher

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will appear. I came across this famous hypnotherapist

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online and I did one of her sessions. It

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just changed my life. And I thought, wow,

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there's got to be a lot of women out there

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who are high achievers, who wear a mask,

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who never put their oxygen mask on first.

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There's so many of us. And it feels like

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the older we get, the more we do it. Right.

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And so I knew I had a heart condition. And

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so I was given the word and I call it God.

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You call it whatever you want to call it.

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That said, You now have the purpose. Your

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purpose mission is to heal the world one

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heart at a time. And that's how I became

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the heart healer.

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I love that. I absolutely do. And like what

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you said, so many of us have experienced

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that in some form, right? Or another, right?

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not feeling seen for whatever reason. And

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that's something that just comes up a lot,

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especially lately, being seen. Like for me

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personally, when someone sees me, I'm like,

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thank you so much. I really appreciate that

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because it means a lot to me. We're in this

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world, we're surrounded by so many people

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doing things, And we don't always feel seen.

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And so when a person takes the time to see

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us, to acknowledge that, that means a lot.

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So let me ask you, you talked about being

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a two year old, being a little girl, baby,

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and not feeling love, not feeling like you

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belong anywhere, right? Because you were

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in a home with a, you know, a large family.

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So when you think about it today, as you

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think about it from your healed heart, What

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would you tell yourself? What would you tell

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that little girl sitting on the floor with

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her knees to her chest?

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It's interesting that you ask that question

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as well. I have to say, I love your questions.

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And because part of my work is as inner child

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healing, and I help women especially overcome

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childhood trauma and PTSD. And part of my

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practice is what we call regression work,

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where we actually go back to that little

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girl, or that moment in time, where you felt

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the most in love that, that charted the direction

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of your life. So what I needed that little

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girl to know was that she was loved, and

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she was seen. And it's just that she was

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the baby and her brothers and sisters and

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her parents were just doing what they were

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doing. It didn't mean they didn't love her.

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And then what ended up happening was I really

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still felt there was something missing. I

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didn't know what it was. So then I actually

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hired a hypnotherapist who did the regression

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with me, who took me back to that little

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girl. and you know mentally my subconscious

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and I was able to see her there and what

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happened the thing I did not remember was

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my father had come out of the room he saw

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me there he picked me up and I remembered

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what he was wearing everything and he picked

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me up and he started pacing up and down the

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hallway with me he didn't even know I was

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there And I just, it was just this feeling

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of, they did see me, they didn't mean to

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leave me. And this is not to diminish anyone

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who, you know, feels the way that they feel,

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but to be able to go back and know that that

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little girl was loved. And when I worked

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with my clients, it's the same thing. We

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go back, we go to that moment and they speak

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to that child that says, you are loved, you

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are seen, you are enough.

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Yes, I love that. And so two things come

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up for me. One, I feel that when we have

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these experiences, that it's for our future

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self to do the work that we end up doing.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah. Right. And the other thing is, so I'm

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here. And so I do have some tears in my eyes

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because it reminds me of just a few weeks

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ago when I was talking to my younger self

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and I was telling her, you know what? it's

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okay to allow love in. And so that's the

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journey that I'm on. I'm opening myself up

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to a love, to my love, to that relationship.

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And so it is. It's a journey, it's practice

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because it's not something that I'm used

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to being open for whatever reason, right?

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But I'm there now and I told her, I said,

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you know, and I hugged her and all of those

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things. So what you're saying, the regression,

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those are things that I was experiencing

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and dealing with myself. And again, those

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who are watching or listening, it's okay.

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You know what you went through, you went

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through for a reason and now it's time to

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reach back and let yourself know that you

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were loved, that you were seen, and that

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you see yourself and you love yourself and

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move forward.

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Yes. And that's one thing you said is it's

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seeking, it's understanding that validation

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and love comes from the inside out.

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Yeah.

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The achievement, the men, all of that was

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looking for that outside validation. And

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once I was able to realize my worth, just

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because I'm a creation of the most high or

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whatever you believe in, that in and of itself

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makes you worthy. The fact that you're living,

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breathing,

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human being makes you worthy if nothing else

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in the world does right absolutely just quick

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i'm just curious what is your love language

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if you know your love language what what

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is your number one oh this is

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I'm laughing because, you know, there's a

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little controversy on whether or not both

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languages truly exist, but I would say mine

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would definitely be words of affection. Mine

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too! And physical touch.

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Yeah, number one for me is words of affirmation,

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and I think Affirmation. I'm feeling like

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gifts are number two, but I don't remember.

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But number one, hands down, words of affirmation.

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And I ask that because I'm wondering, because

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again, going back to being seen, and when

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people are like, oh, I see you in different

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things of that, does that, you know, because

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of it being your words of affirmation, I

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feel that that has something to do with it.

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But just was curious. So thinking about the

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work that you do and thinking about, again,

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your personal experiences, I know has made

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you dynamic at what it is that you do. But

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talk to us a little bit more about that work

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and how you're helping them to lead, choose

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themselves, and move forward with clarity.

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I have to do this, but I will answer that

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question. But do you notice our walls are

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the same color?

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Green? Is it green? Because it's green.

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You know how it is. No, it's almost the same.

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It's a shade off of green. See, this is when

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you know. Those who are watching, this is

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when you know you find a sister. OK.

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Look, we already talked about, you know,

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we were looking pale. And so that was part

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of the reason why I put glasses on. And we

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have the, you know, the silver. That's right.

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That's right.

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Now you have to ask a question again. I know,

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I know. And so for those who are not watching,

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you're missing out. So make sure that you

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also jump on YouTube and check us out. So,

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so, you know, your, your experience and what

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you've gone through and you know, when this

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is coming from your heart, this is coming

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from something that you experienced. Tell

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us a little bit more about how you're helping

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your clients, patients, those who come to

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see you, how you're helping them lead, choose

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themselves and move forward with clarity.

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Yes. Well, first, you have to be radically

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honest. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge.

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I'll say that again. You cannot heal what

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you do not acknowledge. When people come

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to me, I believe the most important thing

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that I do for them is I hold a safe space,

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a space where they're able to express themselves,

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a nonjudgmental space. And we start with

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that, that peace, that calm that says you

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are safe here. Because many of my patients,

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not patients, I'm sorry, many of my clients

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come to me, they have physical ailments because

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they've held so much in for so long, it shows

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up in their bodies and anxiety and depression

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and insomnia and so many different ways.

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So just allowing them to breathe. And then

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another thing that's real important once

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you acknowledge it I allow them to forgive

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themselves. Because healing begins with self-forgiveness.

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Because when we're in trauma, we tend to

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blame ourselves for everything. Doesn't matter

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who did it. We find ourselves saying I'm

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sorry all the time, we find ourselves shrinking

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all the time, and that comes to something

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else. You are allowed to be bold and brave.

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You are allowed to do that in this space,

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because this space is orchestrated just for

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you. And then because I'm an intuitive, I

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can often pick up on things that you're not

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saying. So I have to say, I hear what you're

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not saying and I see what you're not showing.

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And so when people come to me, it's usually

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because of confidence, anxiety, lack of worth,

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which is a little different than confidence.

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One is kind of your ability, right? And one's

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how you feel about yourself and overwhelm.

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you know, trying to understand that it's

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okay to say not today, and teaching them

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and working through that. But one of the

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things that I do that I'm really, really

13:47.929 --> 13:52.614
good at, amongst other things, is I get to

13:52.634 --> 13:56.339
the root cause. I get, because we all have

13:56.359 --> 13:58.921
these smoke and mirrors, right? And we all,

13:59.102 --> 14:00.864
and I'll just sit patiently and I'll just

14:00.904 --> 14:03.466
listen. And then I said, okay, now you got

14:03.507 --> 14:06.290
that out. Let's talk about what's really

14:06.330 --> 14:08.867
happening with you. And then getting to that

14:08.907 --> 14:12.149
root cause and being able to start there

14:12.849 --> 14:15.571
and healed forward. You had mentioned something

14:15.631 --> 14:17.813
about me being healed. We are never healed.

14:17.833 --> 14:20.715
We're always healing process. Yes, we're

14:20.855 --> 14:23.657
always healers need healers. Coaches need

14:23.697 --> 14:27.419
coaches. It's always a process, right? And.

14:28.360 --> 14:31.883
awareness, that self awareness, be aware.

14:31.903 --> 14:33.905
So if you're feeling triggered about something,

14:34.345 --> 14:36.827
ask yourself, why am I reacting this way?

14:37.668 --> 14:40.330
What's what's going on with me? And just

14:40.390 --> 14:43.332
being that awareness and having conversations

14:43.432 --> 14:46.034
we talked about earlier, have conversation

14:46.055 --> 14:48.637
with that inner child. Because that inner

14:48.657 --> 14:51.499
child is looking to be free. They want freedom.

14:52.400 --> 14:55.042
And only you can give them that.

14:56.081 --> 14:58.802
So you mentioned a couple of things, right,

14:58.862 --> 15:01.143
that kind of ties into this question. But

15:01.323 --> 15:04.905
I'm going to ask it anyway. So when your

15:04.965 --> 15:07.166
clients are working with you, they're at

15:07.206 --> 15:09.267
this point in their lives, what are they

15:09.327 --> 15:11.748
most often carrying, whether emotionally

15:11.808 --> 15:14.089
or quietly, that they may not have the words

15:14.149 --> 15:15.849
for? And you mentioned confidence. Guilt.

15:16.269 --> 15:19.011
Guilt. Guilt. OK. Guilt and shame. OK.

15:19.751 --> 15:27.623
Guilt and shame. Tell us more. A lot of times

15:27.683 --> 15:29.944
when you're walking with trauma, hurt, and

15:30.004 --> 15:33.585
pain, you tend to blame yourself for everything.

15:34.385 --> 15:35.986
Well, maybe my father wouldn't have drank

15:36.066 --> 15:39.607
as much if I was a better child. Maybe my

15:39.647 --> 15:45.249
mother wouldn't be so mean if I wasn't such

15:45.269 --> 15:49.890
a bad baby. And so there's this guilt that

15:49.910 --> 15:52.471
you're carrying with you. And you know you

15:52.531 --> 15:56.531
shouldn't, but you still do. And that guilt

15:56.711 --> 16:00.132
also, you're ashamed. So what do you do?

16:00.673 --> 16:04.034
Because this is what you feel, you bring

16:04.074 --> 16:06.274
that into your world and your relationships.

16:07.615 --> 16:09.936
Even in your professional life, you will

16:09.976 --> 16:13.937
usually pick a position where you're sometimes

16:14.017 --> 16:15.838
belittled, where you're overworked, where

16:15.858 --> 16:18.659
you're overwhelmed because you're still trying

16:18.859 --> 16:22.980
to get over that guilt and shame.

16:26.423 --> 16:30.145
You had some things that I want to bring

16:30.185 --> 16:32.305
together because, again, the podcast is to

16:32.365 --> 16:34.786
empower women. And so in order to empower,

16:35.007 --> 16:37.187
we have to give some tools, some action items,

16:37.247 --> 16:39.788
or just call some things out. So some of

16:39.808 --> 16:41.949
the things that are coming to mind for me

16:42.570 --> 16:44.390
at this part of the conversation is that

16:44.911 --> 16:49.833
you have to be ready. You have to call it

16:50.053 --> 16:54.795
out. Acknowledge it, be aware of it and ask

16:54.835 --> 16:58.557
for help. And as you said, coaches have coaches

16:58.717 --> 17:01.799
and and so on and so forth. So like for me,

17:02.239 --> 17:04.760
I was finally ready. Like I want a relationship.

17:04.880 --> 17:06.701
I've wanted a relationship, but I wasn't

17:06.741 --> 17:08.782
doing anything about it. It was like I want

17:08.802 --> 17:10.583
it. You know, it was just hoping the universe

17:10.623 --> 17:13.044
would, you know, conspire and it hadn't.

17:13.245 --> 17:15.226
And so I'm like, you know what? I'm at a

17:15.306 --> 17:18.347
point where I need help. And so I did. you

17:18.387 --> 17:20.249
know, seek help, and I am working with a

17:20.349 --> 17:22.350
relationship counselor. And that's something

17:22.390 --> 17:24.892
that we have to do. If you continue, like,

17:24.912 --> 17:26.594
keep throwing something at the wall and it's

17:26.954 --> 17:29.816
not sticking, et cetera, you need help. And

17:29.916 --> 17:31.978
so, and it's okay, like, you know, there's

17:32.038 --> 17:34.620
no need to be guilty about it or shameful

17:34.680 --> 17:37.122
about it. Go ahead and get that help that

17:37.182 --> 17:39.424
you need to make your life better.

17:40.725 --> 17:44.521
Yes. One tip that I would give anyone right

17:44.561 --> 17:47.002
now listening to the sound of my voice, sit

17:47.102 --> 17:50.903
still, get quiet, take a few really cleansing

17:51.023 --> 17:54.104
breaths in and out, and you can do something

17:54.144 --> 17:56.765
called a chair exercise. And that's where

17:56.785 --> 17:59.766
you're sitting and you're looking at that

17:59.846 --> 18:01.687
little five-year-old. What would you say

18:01.707 --> 18:05.134
to that five-year-old? Speak it, speak to

18:05.174 --> 18:09.256
that five-year-old. And then you go up and

18:09.636 --> 18:12.197
you go to that preteen. What would you say

18:12.277 --> 18:14.598
to her or him? And then from there you go

18:14.638 --> 18:16.459
to that teenager that maybe had a broken

18:16.519 --> 18:19.040
heart, maybe is feeling lonely, maybe is

18:19.460 --> 18:21.921
feeling afraid, because those are scary years.

18:22.581 --> 18:24.182
What would you say? And how about that young

18:24.222 --> 18:28.916
adult? What would you say to her? And if

18:28.956 --> 18:32.657
you, anyone can do that. And I can tell you

18:32.677 --> 18:36.578
that exercise right there may not solve everything,

18:36.718 --> 18:40.380
but it is freeing because it's a way to get

18:40.400 --> 18:40.860
it out.

18:41.857 --> 18:43.818
and just the breath alone, right? Just the

18:43.858 --> 18:46.319
breathing. When we intentionally stop to

18:46.379 --> 18:48.660
breathe, oh my God, it feels, because I was

18:48.700 --> 18:49.940
doing it while you were talking. I'm like,

18:50.080 --> 18:52.381
oh yes. You know, and it just brings you

18:52.421 --> 18:53.982
back, right? Because we're constantly moving

18:54.002 --> 18:56.543
through life and we don't take the time to

18:56.663 --> 18:59.084
intentionally breathe. We're breathing because

18:59.144 --> 19:01.225
as we're alive, we're breathing, but we're

19:01.285 --> 19:03.806
not always intentionally breathing and that

19:03.866 --> 19:06.227
does make a difference. So that along with

19:06.307 --> 19:09.268
speaking to different stages of your life

19:10.535 --> 19:12.616
imagine you know I can imagine how powerful

19:12.656 --> 19:15.658
that is so you're in a different season now,

19:16.098 --> 19:17.799
how would you describe the work you're doing

19:17.819 --> 19:21.201
in this season and the kind of transformation

19:21.261 --> 19:24.022
women experience when they allow allow themselves

19:24.062 --> 19:25.143
to fully engage.

19:27.142 --> 19:30.204
The season I'm in, I am living my best life

19:30.264 --> 19:33.766
right now. I am living my best life. For

19:33.806 --> 19:36.087
those who know me, they don't ask, Victoria,

19:36.127 --> 19:37.668
how are you doing? They're like, where are

19:37.708 --> 19:41.271
you now? I am up and gone. I am liable to

19:41.311 --> 19:46.034
be anywhere in the world. I am really in

19:46.094 --> 19:51.737
a season where I've worked really hard to

19:51.777 --> 19:55.300
get here. I'm able to live anywhere, do anything.

19:55.320 --> 19:58.302
I own Avalon Executive Assistance, and that's

19:58.362 --> 20:00.324
a marketing and branding company. We'll take

20:00.384 --> 20:03.146
you and get your vision out there. We'll

20:03.246 --> 20:05.007
let your voice be heard, because that's what

20:05.047 --> 20:06.789
it's about, getting the voices out there,

20:07.109 --> 20:09.411
getting your vision out to the world. And

20:09.451 --> 20:12.013
then we make you visible, so that the world

20:12.053 --> 20:15.455
know you exist. That's what we do at my company,

20:15.555 --> 20:17.777
Avalon Executive Assistance. And right now,

20:18.317 --> 20:23.810
and that's assistants, A-N-T-S, And the season

20:23.870 --> 20:27.311
I'm in now is really one of reaching back.

20:28.852 --> 20:32.133
Reaching back and bringing others along the

20:32.173 --> 20:35.273
way. Whether I do that with speaking or whether

20:35.313 --> 20:38.334
I'll do that in podcasts or circles or however

20:38.474 --> 20:41.855
I can. And then of course I have the work

20:41.875 --> 20:44.816
that I do in inner child healing and trauma

20:44.856 --> 20:47.857
recovery. But yeah, girl, I'm living my life

20:47.937 --> 20:50.631
right now. I'm single. And I'm okay with

20:50.651 --> 20:54.055
that. Yeah, I'm okay with being single. You

20:54.095 --> 20:56.418
know, if he comes out of the sky, or however

20:56.438 --> 20:59.501
he gets to me, I'm open to it. But it's not

20:59.581 --> 21:02.104
something that I'm pushing because I am very,

21:03.546 --> 21:04.587
very happy right now.

21:05.140 --> 21:06.941
I love that. And so again, those that are

21:07.001 --> 21:09.642
watching or listening, it's okay to be single.

21:09.842 --> 21:13.024
It's okay to also, you know, want, um, and

21:13.064 --> 21:15.705
call in that love. So whatever you want,

21:16.025 --> 21:17.866
whatever stage you're in in your life, you

21:17.906 --> 21:19.787
know, that's beautiful. And so when we were

21:19.827 --> 21:22.268
talking before we said how, yes, when people

21:22.308 --> 21:23.669
like reach out to us, like, where are you

21:23.789 --> 21:26.350
at? They know to ask that because we both

21:26.390 --> 21:28.511
share that a love of travel. And as a matter

21:28.531 --> 21:30.352
of fact, I was headed to New York tomorrow.

21:30.832 --> 21:33.234
But I think I'm not because it's been snowing

21:33.315 --> 21:35.417
here in Detroit, and I don't even want to

21:35.457 --> 21:37.939
have to deal with all that because the flight

21:37.979 --> 21:40.401
is at 7 in the morning. So I probably won't

21:40.441 --> 21:44.625
go, but you know that there will be a flight

21:44.945 --> 21:49.818
soon. So now, when we talked before, did

21:49.838 --> 21:51.518
you tell me something about singing?

21:51.659 --> 21:53.219
Did you mention something about singing?

21:54.120 --> 21:58.081
Oh, yes. I am a healing artist. I have songs

21:58.722 --> 22:04.824
that I wrote, lyrics that I wrote, and they

22:04.844 --> 22:08.586
are anthems, powerful anthems for women who've

22:08.866 --> 22:11.507
ever been through anything. I have one song

22:11.527 --> 22:13.048
called Crush, and every time I play it for

22:13.068 --> 22:14.488
a woman, because it goes back, and one of

22:14.508 --> 22:20.056
the lines in the song is, I love the man

22:20.076 --> 22:24.219
I had. I love the man I thought I had, but

22:24.259 --> 22:27.380
not the one I really had. So you know how

22:27.460 --> 22:29.741
when we're in love, we see like through all

22:29.781 --> 22:34.644
these covers, you know? And the exact verse

22:34.744 --> 22:37.345
is, I love the man I thought I had, but not

22:37.385 --> 22:40.488
the man I had. It's called Crushed, seven

22:40.528 --> 22:43.850
years of tips and tricks. So basically, I

22:43.890 --> 22:45.792
put up with an alcoholic for seven years.

22:45.812 --> 22:48.274
That's just where I was in life. And that's

22:48.294 --> 22:50.536
where we find ourselves. But at the end,

22:50.596 --> 22:53.939
it says, I'm free. Crushed, not broken. And

22:53.979 --> 22:57.982
so I write songs. The record label is So

22:58.102 --> 23:02.606
Fire Studio Sanctuary. All my songs will

23:02.626 --> 23:05.428
be available on Apple and podcasts, and you

23:05.468 --> 23:06.489
will see them soon.

23:07.421 --> 23:09.563
Awesome, and yeah, well, definitely have

23:09.583 --> 23:12.465
that in the show notes. And so what you just

23:12.525 --> 23:15.026
said, I want to kind of go back to that.

23:15.086 --> 23:17.628
What you said is, it's where you were in

23:17.728 --> 23:20.730
life. And I want to raise that as in when

23:20.770 --> 23:23.952
we're dealing with stuff, it's not the other

23:23.992 --> 23:27.975
person, it's us. It's where we are in life.

23:28.035 --> 23:30.857
It's what we feel that we deserve, what we

23:30.897 --> 23:33.339
feel that we can handle at that particular

23:33.399 --> 23:33.779
time.

23:35.586 --> 23:39.288
Is that fully agree with that? You know,

23:39.548 --> 23:41.609
we all know the old saying is when we know

23:41.649 --> 23:43.830
better, we do better. But sometimes, but

23:43.910 --> 23:46.211
sometimes as women, we know better and still

23:46.251 --> 23:49.373
don't do better. Yeah. Right. Right. Because

23:49.873 --> 23:51.814
you know, I had mentioned before how I was

23:51.854 --> 23:53.675
seeking outside validation. I didn't think

23:53.715 --> 23:56.056
I was good enough. I felt I got what I deserved.

23:56.296 --> 23:56.536
Yeah.

23:56.717 --> 23:58.798
Yeah. You know, it was the healing process

23:58.838 --> 24:00.258
that I, you know, I was like, Whoa, wait

24:00.298 --> 24:03.440
a minute. I'm worth more than this. Yeah.

24:04.451 --> 24:06.711
So that's a fine, that's kind of a fine line.

24:06.751 --> 24:08.372
And I want to raise that up for the person

24:08.412 --> 24:10.652
who may say, but wait a minute, didn't you

24:10.692 --> 24:12.452
just say a little while ago that, you know,

24:12.492 --> 24:14.333
it wasn't your fault that blah, blah, blah.

24:14.693 --> 24:17.593
So how do we kind of like, how do we speak

24:17.613 --> 24:20.034
to that? Right. That let's just say today

24:20.114 --> 24:22.694
as adults, whatnot, we, you know, we're in

24:22.734 --> 24:25.015
relationships or we're in things that we

24:25.035 --> 24:28.575
kind of put ourself in. Right. And then also

24:28.815 --> 24:30.516
certain things were not our fault. So how

24:30.536 --> 24:32.778
do we, you know, balance that? Well, we were

24:32.798 --> 24:35.380
talking about two different issues, okay?

24:35.801 --> 24:40.645
We were talking about the child blaming themselves

24:40.725 --> 24:42.946
for the alcoholic parent or the immature

24:42.986 --> 24:47.710
parent. We were talking about, even if you're

24:47.730 --> 24:52.714
in, how do I, I gotta be real careful I'm

24:52.734 --> 24:57.615
gonna phrase this. Some people see women

24:58.275 --> 25:01.418
in abusive relationship and men in abusive

25:01.438 --> 25:03.199
relationships. And they're like, just get

25:03.399 --> 25:07.842
out, just get out. There's so many dynamics

25:08.643 --> 25:13.786
around that. And I don't believe in blaming

25:14.307 --> 25:17.709
the victim. You know what I mean? And there's

25:17.749 --> 25:20.671
a lot of reasons. It takes a lot of healing,

25:21.452 --> 25:25.984
a lot of support a lot of shifting to be

25:26.104 --> 25:30.547
able to really say, hey, this isn't working

25:30.587 --> 25:34.129
for me. I got to get out of here. And everyone's

25:34.249 --> 25:37.150
not at a place that they can do that. Right.

25:38.271 --> 25:40.332
And so I don't want to blame anyone that's

25:40.392 --> 25:43.054
in a situation, even if they know it's not

25:43.134 --> 25:45.375
good for them. But what I would like to do

25:45.815 --> 25:50.698
is encourage you to seek help to get out.

25:53.465 --> 25:56.066
So that's how I reconcile that. No, and I

25:56.086 --> 25:58.027
appreciate that, right? Because we are talking

25:58.047 --> 25:59.528
about different things. And I just wanted

25:59.568 --> 26:02.950
that to be clear since we're here. All right.

26:02.970 --> 26:05.571
So I want to shift now. So I mentioned earlier

26:05.631 --> 26:08.532
how I started a community for Black women

25:53.465 --> 26:12.094
50 and above. It's the Dream Lifestyle Collective.

26:12.854 --> 26:15.856
And it's community for us. It's our space.

26:15.876 --> 26:17.997
You talked about safe spaces. It's a safe

26:18.037 --> 26:20.258
space for us. It's a way for us to come together.

26:20.618 --> 26:23.699
to build together a collective for us to

26:23.799 --> 26:26.420
share and learn from one another and to build

26:26.500 --> 26:29.281
up one another. So what does it mean to you

26:29.401 --> 26:32.742
to be in a space like this at the stage of

26:32.922 --> 26:35.403
your life that you're in, not as the healer

26:35.483 --> 26:38.984
holding space, but as a woman being held

26:39.104 --> 26:39.864
in community?

26:40.885 --> 26:44.386
I tell you what, there is something so powerful

26:44.466 --> 26:49.219
about community. So, so powerful. I'm sorry,

26:49.259 --> 26:54.704
powerful about community. One thing too,

26:54.824 --> 26:58.788
when you get to a certain space, you understand

26:58.828 --> 27:05.294
that it's not me, me, me. I don't need to

27:05.334 --> 27:08.417
be a star. I want to be in the community.

27:09.625 --> 27:12.246
Where we're all coming together collectively,

27:12.387 --> 27:16.509
because I do believe together we rise. And

27:16.549 --> 27:19.090
that's why I think collectives are so important

27:19.611 --> 27:24.013
and to find like minded women that we can

27:24.053 --> 27:27.414
hold space for each other. you know, picking

27:27.474 --> 27:30.016
up the phone, you and I, you know, just chit

27:30.056 --> 27:33.837
chatting. And it is so uplifting. So the

27:33.877 --> 27:35.798
work that you're doing in the collective,

27:35.978 --> 27:40.880
I applaud it. I'm in. I'm in. I love it.

27:41.421 --> 27:41.921
I love it.

27:42.041 --> 27:44.782
I love it. I'm in. So now we're going to

27:44.942 --> 27:47.863
shift back to put your Hillen hat back on.

27:47.923 --> 27:50.465
So from your perspective, what happens in

27:50.505 --> 27:53.306
a woman's nervous system when she's finally

27:53.346 --> 27:55.467
in a space where she doesn't have to explain

27:55.507 --> 27:57.655
herself or perform strength?

28:01.596 --> 28:07.059
She finds joy. When we're able to release

28:07.219 --> 28:10.480
the negative emotions, the lower emotions,

28:10.560 --> 28:15.082
betrayal, anger, anxiety, when we're able,

28:15.102 --> 28:17.623
and I'm not talking about clinical anxiety

28:18.283 --> 28:21.485
here. When we're able to release those things,

28:22.338 --> 28:25.000
We can breathe. What happens? The cortisol

28:25.040 --> 28:28.723
levels go down. Our dopamine goes up. We

28:28.763 --> 28:31.505
become happier. We sleep better. A lot of

28:31.525 --> 28:33.947
the things that used to bother us no longer,

28:34.007 --> 28:37.610
like a lot of us, some people hold tension

28:37.650 --> 28:39.712
in their chest and their shoulders are always

28:39.752 --> 28:41.874
hurting. Some people, their neck is always

28:41.914 --> 28:44.876
hurting. Some people, if you have, I worked

28:44.896 --> 28:47.278
with a woman who had Lyme disease and it

28:47.318 --> 28:49.280
was just wrecking her body until we started

28:49.320 --> 28:52.102
working and she was able to, kind of release

28:52.563 --> 28:55.006
that energy. And now she doesn't have the

28:55.046 --> 28:58.109
flare up she was having. So once you can

28:58.189 --> 29:02.615
find peace, your body goes right along with

29:02.735 --> 29:02.775
it.

29:05.373 --> 29:06.894
Yeah. And you know what? That's interesting

29:06.914 --> 29:10.178
because I recently went to the dentist and

29:10.198 --> 29:11.619
they're like, do you grind your teeth? Or

29:11.679 --> 29:13.501
like you are grinding your teeth or whatever.

29:13.561 --> 29:15.743
But what I've noticed since then is that

29:15.903 --> 29:18.926
I do, I clench my teeth and I'm not quite

29:19.046 --> 29:22.904
sure what that's about just yet. I don't

29:22.944 --> 29:25.065
feel that I'm stressed. I do feel like, you

29:25.105 --> 29:27.187
know, I am living my dream life. I'm loving

29:27.227 --> 29:29.548
life, but you know, I'm going to have to

29:29.608 --> 29:32.170
get to the root of what's causing me to do

29:32.210 --> 29:35.252
that. But yeah, as you were talking, so there

29:35.292 --> 29:37.874
are some physical things that are, that happen

29:37.914 --> 29:40.435
in our lives that are like kind of cues and

29:40.455 --> 29:42.117
letting you know, okay, maybe look at that

29:42.157 --> 29:45.639
a little bit closer as to what could possibly

29:45.699 --> 29:48.281
be triggering or causing you to do certain

29:48.321 --> 29:52.693
things. So yes, it's physical, right? some

29:52.733 --> 29:55.215
stress, whatever, when it manifests physically,

29:55.895 --> 29:58.396
it's time, it's really time to go ahead and

29:58.716 --> 30:00.337
take notice and do something about that.

30:00.898 --> 30:02.558
Yeah, so we're all different. For me, it's

30:02.599 --> 30:04.820
my stomach. If my stomach, I know something's

30:04.840 --> 30:07.101
going on up here and I gotta face it.

30:07.526 --> 30:11.668
Yeah, yeah. OK, so I want to zoom out for

30:11.708 --> 30:14.029
a moment. Do you believe there's a chapter

30:14.069 --> 30:16.691
of a woman's life, especially after years

30:16.771 --> 30:20.413
of caregiving, leadership, or survival, that

30:20.493 --> 30:23.454
society hasn't fully named or honored yet?

30:24.075 --> 30:26.456
And if so, how would you describe that chapter?

30:28.637 --> 30:31.018
Absolutely. I will describe that chapter

30:31.099 --> 30:34.375
as her time. It's her time. It's her time

30:34.415 --> 30:37.279
to be whom she wants to be, to honor herself.

30:38.460 --> 30:41.644
It's up to her how she wants to live that

30:41.684 --> 30:44.888
life. Again, let's go back to where our validation

30:44.928 --> 30:49.121
comes from. Society tells us one thing, but

30:49.161 --> 30:51.281
what do we feel about ourselves? That's what

30:51.361 --> 30:53.682
really matters. And I'm not talking arrogance.

30:53.722 --> 30:56.903
I'm not talking ego here. I'm talking your

30:56.963 --> 31:00.164
validation comes from you. Doesn't matter.

31:00.524 --> 31:02.465
Society is always gonna be society. They're

31:02.485 --> 31:05.705
always gonna say, you know, finally we embrace

31:05.765 --> 31:08.646
our gray. Think about it, 10 years ago, we

31:08.686 --> 31:11.567
weren't embracing gray. Right, no. Right,

31:11.627 --> 31:13.548
we were dying and we were talking and we

31:13.588 --> 31:19.669
were talking. We were doing everything. So,

31:20.129 --> 31:22.430
after the caregiving, you know, somebody

31:22.530 --> 31:24.251
asked me so I say no my kids are grown I'm

31:24.271 --> 31:28.912
gone. Right. If that's when we can fully

31:28.992 --> 31:31.653
step into our own. Yes, that's when we can

31:31.813 --> 31:36.657
slow down. And then sometimes though, when

31:36.697 --> 31:39.740
we get there, we're a little lost because

31:39.800 --> 31:44.064
we spent so many years pouring from our cup

31:44.104 --> 31:47.867
and not our saucer. And we don't know what

31:47.927 --> 31:51.410
to do at that time. And I think that's probably

31:51.470 --> 31:54.893
the hardest part. It's like, who am I? If

31:54.973 --> 31:59.016
I'm not Stella's mom, or if I'm not Bill's

31:59.096 --> 32:03.135
wife, now what's left for me? And I would

32:03.155 --> 32:05.820
like to say to the sisters that are listening,

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life has been waiting on you. Yes. to live.

32:10.947 --> 32:13.648
We talked about travel. You can't travel.

32:13.708 --> 32:17.510
That's okay. Find a hobby. You get to choose.

32:18.270 --> 32:20.311
And what society says and what society is

32:20.351 --> 32:23.152
gonna do, they're just gonna do. Ageism,

32:23.392 --> 32:26.113
it's real. It's alive. Yes, it's true. If

32:26.693 --> 32:28.694
you're over 50 and you're trying to get back

32:28.754 --> 32:32.035
in a workforce, good luck. That's why I love

32:32.195 --> 32:34.276
Avalon. What we do there is because you don't

32:34.316 --> 32:36.357
need the workforce. We're gonna create you

32:36.837 --> 32:39.938
your own business. Absolutely. Stop working

32:39.958 --> 32:41.899
for somebody else. You spent all these years

32:41.959 --> 32:44.220
working for somebody else. It's time for

32:44.260 --> 32:46.640
you to do your own thing and get paid for

32:46.740 --> 32:46.800
it.

32:46.920 --> 32:49.801
That's right. Bring that expertise and let

32:49.841 --> 32:51.682
it be something you do. And that's, again,

32:51.722 --> 32:53.062
some things that we're going to get into

32:53.202 --> 32:55.443
in the collective. So absolutely. So here's

32:55.483 --> 32:57.544
something new that I want to throw out to

32:57.584 --> 33:00.226
you. There's something I do every year, but

33:00.266 --> 33:01.947
I haven't seen posts about it. So that's

33:02.007 --> 33:04.929
why I added it into this conversation. So

33:04.989 --> 33:07.330
when we look ahead, right, and ahead is in,

33:07.430 --> 33:11.612
what, two plus days to 2026, what's your

33:11.792 --> 33:13.914
one word that will guide you through the

33:13.954 --> 33:14.114
year?

33:15.455 --> 33:17.016
You know, I thought about that because every

33:17.056 --> 33:19.458
year I have a word. Yeah. And the thing I

33:19.518 --> 33:21.800
love about my word every year is when I look

33:21.840 --> 33:24.062
back on those words, that's how every word

33:24.142 --> 33:31.009
I have every year builds. Mm-hmm. It builds

33:31.089 --> 33:32.631
on the next year. Yes.

33:33.011 --> 33:33.291
Yes.

33:33.411 --> 33:37.295
And so this year, and I think it's a word

33:37.315 --> 33:39.016
that I've been really working towards, it's

33:39.056 --> 33:41.999
just freedom. OK. It's my word, freedom.

33:42.719 --> 33:44.841
OK. I love it. I love it. You know, absolutely.

33:44.861 --> 33:48.284
So my word in 2022 was live. And then it

33:48.344 --> 33:50.286
became live a dream lifestyle, which, you

33:50.306 --> 33:53.929
know, is my brand. Right. So it became my

33:54.009 --> 33:56.611
way of living. It also became my brand. And

33:56.651 --> 33:59.476
then for this year, my word is unprecedented.

33:59.997 --> 34:02.100
And so I think we're going to move it into

34:02.220 --> 34:04.324
expectancy for 2026 with the underlying so.

34:07.546 --> 34:09.728
That's where I'm at right now. And I want

34:09.768 --> 34:11.950
to invite those who are watching or listening

34:12.190 --> 34:14.231
to think about it. Think of your word for

33:42.719 --> 34:17.614
2026, how you want your life to be, how you

34:17.654 --> 34:21.077
want it to present for you. It's like you

34:21.137 --> 34:23.519
say that word and then you live into that

34:23.579 --> 34:26.661
word. That's what I want to invite all of

34:26.701 --> 34:30.424
you as we count down to 2026 to start thinking

34:30.464 --> 34:32.345
about your word and then declare it, say

34:32.405 --> 34:38.914
it so. So as we close, and for everyone listening,

34:39.914 --> 34:42.557
again, I want to invite you to sit with that

34:42.617 --> 34:45.139
question for yourself. Think about it. You

34:45.179 --> 34:46.780
don't have to come up with a word today.

34:46.860 --> 34:48.602
If you do, you do, right? Because sometimes

34:48.642 --> 34:50.743
it just hits you. But just notice what's

34:50.803 --> 34:53.526
pulling at you, what's really resonating

34:53.566 --> 35:25.781
with you, and again, how you want your 2026

34:55.587 --> 34:59.100
to look. And Victoria, I wanna thank you

34:59.120 --> 35:01.242
so much for your wisdom, your honesty, your

35:01.302 --> 35:03.564
presence, for coming back, right? Because

35:03.584 --> 35:06.005
this is your second time. And again, for

35:06.065 --> 35:08.147
saying yes to the collective because we're

35:08.167 --> 35:10.309
gonna do some great things. You mentioned

35:10.329 --> 35:12.791
the circles, that's what's coming up in January

35:12.971 --> 35:14.792
and you're guiding one of those. So again,

35:14.832 --> 35:20.016
I thank you. And before we say goodbye and

35:20.056 --> 35:22.358
we're saying goodbye to 2025, what would

35:22.378 --> 35:25.020
you like to leave those who are watching

35:25.060 --> 35:25.781
or listening with?

35:27.157 --> 35:30.643
Yes, the thing that I leave all conversations

35:30.703 --> 35:35.110
with is, I see you, you matter, and you are

35:35.130 --> 35:40.627
enough. and you can reach me at justaskvictoria.com,

35:40.988 --> 35:44.250
victoria at justaskvictoria.com. You can

35:44.310 --> 35:46.672
find me on Instagram, you can find me on

35:46.873 --> 35:50.395
Facebook at victoriafinch22. I am easy to

35:50.436 --> 35:51.977
find, just ask Victoria.

35:52.297 --> 35:54.539
Just ask Victoria. You have a question, just

35:54.779 --> 35:57.221
ask Victoria. Well, Victoria, again, thank

35:57.261 --> 36:00.124
you so much. Happy New Year to you, to those

36:00.184 --> 36:02.285
who are watching or listening, and until

36:02.325 --> 36:02.846
next time.