The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word
The Heart Healer Returns for a deeper conversation on inner child healing, freedom, and the power of community. Victoria Finch shares what healing looks like after years of caregiving and leadership.
In this powerful return conversation, Victoria Finch — known as The Heart Healer — joins host Deneen L. Garrett for an intimate, deeply reflective dialogue on inner child healing, emotional freedom, leadership, and the power of community.
Victoria shares the origin of her healing work, the childhood moment that shaped her life’s mission, and how decades of trauma recovery, hypnotherapy, and personal healing now inform the way she supports women at pivotal turning points.
Together, Deneen and Victoria explore:
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Why so many high-achieving women struggle with feeling unseen
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How unresolved childhood experiences quietly shape adult relationships and leadership
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What happens in a woman’s nervous system when she enters a truly safe community
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Why the next chapter of a woman’s life deserves to be named, honored, and lived fully
This episode also introduces a reflective ritual: choosing your Word of the Year for 2026 — not as a goal, but as an intention and compass for how you want to live and feel.
Victoria reveals her 2026 word — Freedom — and invites listeners to begin listening for the word that’s calling them forward.
This conversation is especially resonant for women who have spent years caregiving, leading, surviving, and giving — and are now ready to choose themselves, their joy, and their next chapter with intention.
⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS
00:00–04:00 | Returning with intention & entering community
04:00–09:00 | Victoria’s origin story & becoming The Heart Healer
09:00–14:00 | Defining moments that shaped her healing work
14:00–19:00 | Healing, leadership & choosing yourself
19:00–24:00 | What women carry at life’s turning points
24:00–28:00 | The work Victoria is doing now & transformation in this season
28:00–31:00 | Community, nervous system safety & the Dream Lifestyle™ Collective
31:00–33:00 | Naming the next chapter of a woman’s life
33:00–35:00 | 2026 Word of the Year: Freedom, intention & closing reflections
🌿 ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Episode 191
This is the final episode of the year and a powerful closing reflection on:
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Healing forward, not backward
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Community as medicine
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Freedom, joy, and reinvention after 50
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Listening to the quiet pull toward what’s next
👩🏽🦱 GUEST BIO — VICTORIA FINCH
Victoria Finch, known as The Heart Healer, is a transformational speaker, two-time bestselling author, songwriter, and master hypnotherapist with over 30 years of experience in inner child healing, childhood trauma recovery, mindset coaching, and personal development.
She is the founder of Avalon Executive Assistants, a PR and marketing agency helping coaches, entrepreneurs, and mission-driven leaders expand their visibility and reach. Victoria’s mission is simple and profound: to heal the world, one heart at a time.
🔗 CONNECT WITH VICTORIA FINCH
📧 Email: victoria@justaskvictoria.com
🌐 Website: https://www.justaskvictoriainternational.com
🐦 Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/justaskvictoria
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justaskvictoria_
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/victoriafinch22
▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MotivationHighway
💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriafinch/
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskvictoria
📚 Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Victoria-Finch/author/B07HNKVCGV
✨ ABOUT THE DREAM LIFESTYLE™ COLLECTIVE
The Dream Lifestyle™ Collective is a private community created by Deneen L. Garrett for Black women 50+ who have lived, led, caregiven, and carried responsibility — and are now choosing joy, softness, visibility, and reinvention in their next chapter.
🎙️ ABOUT THE PODCAST
Women of Color: An Intimate Conversation is a 100 Best Women’s Empowerment Podcast hosted by Deneen L. Garrett, featuring honest, soul-centered conversations that empower women to choose themselves, heal deeply, and live boldly.
🎧 Original episode with Victoria Finch:
https://www.womenofcoloranintimateconversation.com/inner-child-healing/
WEBVTT
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Welcome to another episode of Women of Color
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in Intimate Conversation. Today is actually
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our last episode of the year, so I'm excited
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to have a repeat guest. Victoria, welcome
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back. I'm really grateful we're here together
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again. So excited to share with everyone
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who's watching or listening what you're up
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to. And also to talk a little bit about the
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Dream Lifestyle Collective, which is a space
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I created for Black women 50 and up and,
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you know, just some of the things that you're
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doing within that space. So before we jump
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into things, tell the people who are just
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meeting you for the first time, share a little
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bit about your journey that led you into
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your work and how the name The Heart Healer
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came to reflect, not just what you do, but
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who you are.
00:52.064 --> 00:55.267
Oh, what a great question. Usually people
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will ask, thank you for having me, first
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of all. Usually people will ask me, why are
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you The Heart Healer? I love the last part
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of that. When I was a young child, I grew
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up in a loving family. I was the youngest
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of six children, even though I didn't feel
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like I was so much loved. When you're the
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baby, everybody's like, oh, get out of here,
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go away, go away. And I remember when I was
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about two years old, I was in my parents
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room and they had sent me to my brother's
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room who told me to get out and they sent
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me to my sister's room. They told me to get
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out. Now, here's the thing. We only had three
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bedrooms, six kids, two adults. So baby Victoria
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did not have her own room, her own crib,
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nothing that was mine as a child. And when
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my parents told me to leave their room and
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my brothers and my sisters told me to leave
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their room, Imagine a toddler, a two-year-old
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still in diapers. At that moment, I felt
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nobody wanted me, nobody loved me. And I
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was just a baby. And I remember sitting by
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my parents' door, knees to chest, with no
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place to go. And That little girl sat by
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her parents' door for over 50 years. How
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did she sit by her parents' door? I call
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that the hallway experience. That's it in
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between where you are and where God's leading
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you to go. And that little girl sat by that
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door in relationships that were non-committal,
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who would want me anyway. I would become
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a very, very high achiever, because I thought,
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man, if I was just good enough, if I just
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had enough, they would see me, they would
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love me, not knowing that they always saw
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me and they always loved me. But that little
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two-year-old brain stayed with me. And that
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put me in and out of depression for most
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of my life. And I remember in 2017, sitting
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by my bed, not caring if I was going to wake
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up the next day.
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Oh, wow.
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I had a bottle of pills and a depressant
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again and I get ready to take the medicine
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and I hear a voice just like you and I speaking
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that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose
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and this is not it. And I got up and I threw
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those pills away and I knew I had a heart
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issue. And so I got busy and I started to
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seek my own healing. And you know how they
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say when the student is ready, the teacher
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will appear. I came across this famous hypnotherapist
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online and I did one of her sessions. It
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just changed my life. And I thought, wow,
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there's got to be a lot of women out there
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who are high achievers, who wear a mask,
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who never put their oxygen mask on first.
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There's so many of us. And it feels like
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the older we get, the more we do it. Right.
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And so I knew I had a heart condition. And
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so I was given the word and I call it God.
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You call it whatever you want to call it.
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That said, You now have the purpose. Your
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purpose mission is to heal the world one
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heart at a time. And that's how I became
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the heart healer.
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I love that. I absolutely do. And like what
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you said, so many of us have experienced
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that in some form, right? Or another, right?
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not feeling seen for whatever reason. And
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that's something that just comes up a lot,
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especially lately, being seen. Like for me
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personally, when someone sees me, I'm like,
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thank you so much. I really appreciate that
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because it means a lot to me. We're in this
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world, we're surrounded by so many people
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doing things, And we don't always feel seen.
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And so when a person takes the time to see
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us, to acknowledge that, that means a lot.
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So let me ask you, you talked about being
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a two year old, being a little girl, baby,
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and not feeling love, not feeling like you
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belong anywhere, right? Because you were
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in a home with a, you know, a large family.
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So when you think about it today, as you
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think about it from your healed heart, What
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would you tell yourself? What would you tell
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that little girl sitting on the floor with
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her knees to her chest?
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It's interesting that you ask that question
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as well. I have to say, I love your questions.
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And because part of my work is as inner child
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healing, and I help women especially overcome
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childhood trauma and PTSD. And part of my
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practice is what we call regression work,
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where we actually go back to that little
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girl, or that moment in time, where you felt
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the most in love that, that charted the direction
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of your life. So what I needed that little
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girl to know was that she was loved, and
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she was seen. And it's just that she was
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the baby and her brothers and sisters and
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her parents were just doing what they were
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doing. It didn't mean they didn't love her.
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And then what ended up happening was I really
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still felt there was something missing. I
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didn't know what it was. So then I actually
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hired a hypnotherapist who did the regression
06:17.433 --> 06:20.034
with me, who took me back to that little
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girl. and you know mentally my subconscious
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and I was able to see her there and what
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happened the thing I did not remember was
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my father had come out of the room he saw
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me there he picked me up and I remembered
06:34.076 --> 06:36.717
what he was wearing everything and he picked
06:36.757 --> 06:38.737
me up and he started pacing up and down the
06:38.817 --> 06:40.618
hallway with me he didn't even know I was
06:40.718 --> 06:44.661
there And I just, it was just this feeling
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of, they did see me, they didn't mean to
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leave me. And this is not to diminish anyone
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who, you know, feels the way that they feel,
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but to be able to go back and know that that
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little girl was loved. And when I worked
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with my clients, it's the same thing. We
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go back, we go to that moment and they speak
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to that child that says, you are loved, you
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are seen, you are enough.
07:10.447 --> 07:12.468
Yes, I love that. And so two things come
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up for me. One, I feel that when we have
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these experiences, that it's for our future
07:20.334 --> 07:23.336
self to do the work that we end up doing.
07:23.736 --> 07:24.356
Absolutely.
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Yeah. Right. And the other thing is, so I'm
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here. And so I do have some tears in my eyes
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because it reminds me of just a few weeks
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ago when I was talking to my younger self
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and I was telling her, you know what? it's
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okay to allow love in. And so that's the
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journey that I'm on. I'm opening myself up
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to a love, to my love, to that relationship.
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And so it is. It's a journey, it's practice
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because it's not something that I'm used
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to being open for whatever reason, right?
07:55.944 --> 07:58.345
But I'm there now and I told her, I said,
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you know, and I hugged her and all of those
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things. So what you're saying, the regression,
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those are things that I was experiencing
08:04.467 --> 08:06.348
and dealing with myself. And again, those
08:06.388 --> 08:09.609
who are watching or listening, it's okay.
08:09.969 --> 08:12.110
You know what you went through, you went
08:12.150 --> 08:15.251
through for a reason and now it's time to
08:15.411 --> 08:18.712
reach back and let yourself know that you
08:18.752 --> 08:21.396
were loved, that you were seen, and that
08:21.436 --> 08:23.739
you see yourself and you love yourself and
08:23.779 --> 08:24.280
move forward.
08:25.109 --> 08:28.010
Yes. And that's one thing you said is it's
08:28.110 --> 08:30.672
seeking, it's understanding that validation
08:30.732 --> 08:32.693
and love comes from the inside out.
08:32.953 --> 08:33.233
Yeah.
08:33.613 --> 08:37.175
The achievement, the men, all of that was
08:37.235 --> 08:40.076
looking for that outside validation. And
08:40.196 --> 08:42.977
once I was able to realize my worth, just
08:43.017 --> 08:45.779
because I'm a creation of the most high or
08:46.739 --> 08:50.041
whatever you believe in, that in and of itself
08:51.161 --> 08:54.063
makes you worthy. The fact that you're living,
08:54.303 --> 08:54.823
breathing,
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human being makes you worthy if nothing else
08:59.468 --> 09:02.993
in the world does right absolutely just quick
09:03.053 --> 09:05.036
i'm just curious what is your love language
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if you know your love language what what
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is your number one oh this is
09:12.273 --> 09:13.454
I'm laughing because, you know, there's a
09:13.494 --> 09:15.596
little controversy on whether or not both
09:15.616 --> 09:20.020
languages truly exist, but I would say mine
09:20.060 --> 09:23.083
would definitely be words of affection. Mine
09:23.123 --> 09:25.225
too! And physical touch.
09:25.626 --> 09:28.028
Yeah, number one for me is words of affirmation,
09:28.188 --> 09:31.435
and I think Affirmation. I'm feeling like
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gifts are number two, but I don't remember.
09:34.216 --> 09:37.718
But number one, hands down, words of affirmation.
09:37.758 --> 09:39.478
And I ask that because I'm wondering, because
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again, going back to being seen, and when
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people are like, oh, I see you in different
09:44.261 --> 09:47.462
things of that, does that, you know, because
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of it being your words of affirmation, I
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feel that that has something to do with it.
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But just was curious. So thinking about the
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work that you do and thinking about, again,
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your personal experiences, I know has made
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you dynamic at what it is that you do. But
10:07.936 --> 10:10.496
talk to us a little bit more about that work
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and how you're helping them to lead, choose
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themselves, and move forward with clarity.
10:16.558 --> 10:18.358
I have to do this, but I will answer that
10:18.378 --> 10:20.059
question. But do you notice our walls are
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the same color?
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Green? Is it green? Because it's green.
10:27.561 --> 10:29.983
You know how it is. No, it's almost the same.
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It's a shade off of green. See, this is when
10:34.526 --> 10:36.747
you know. Those who are watching, this is
10:36.788 --> 10:39.209
when you know you find a sister. OK.
10:39.289 --> 10:40.770
Look, we already talked about, you know,
10:40.790 --> 10:42.611
we were looking pale. And so that was part
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of the reason why I put glasses on. And we
10:45.273 --> 10:48.916
have the, you know, the silver. That's right.
10:49.036 --> 10:50.357
That's right.
10:51.297 --> 10:55.480
Now you have to ask a question again. I know,
10:55.540 --> 10:57.701
I know. And so for those who are not watching,
10:57.861 --> 10:59.402
you're missing out. So make sure that you
10:59.462 --> 11:03.584
also jump on YouTube and check us out. So,
11:04.124 --> 11:06.025
so, you know, your, your experience and what
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you've gone through and you know, when this
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is coming from your heart, this is coming
11:09.626 --> 11:11.807
from something that you experienced. Tell
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us a little bit more about how you're helping
11:14.449 --> 11:18.371
your clients, patients, those who come to
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see you, how you're helping them lead, choose
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themselves and move forward with clarity.
11:23.925 --> 11:29.448
Yes. Well, first, you have to be radically
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honest. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge.
11:35.231 --> 11:37.453
I'll say that again. You cannot heal what
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you do not acknowledge. When people come
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to me, I believe the most important thing
11:45.689 --> 11:48.651
that I do for them is I hold a safe space,
11:50.112 --> 11:53.454
a space where they're able to express themselves,
11:53.834 --> 11:57.996
a nonjudgmental space. And we start with
11:58.056 --> 12:01.178
that, that peace, that calm that says you
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are safe here. Because many of my patients,
12:05.018 --> 12:06.718
not patients, I'm sorry, many of my clients
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come to me, they have physical ailments because
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they've held so much in for so long, it shows
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up in their bodies and anxiety and depression
12:17.302 --> 12:20.203
and insomnia and so many different ways.
12:20.743 --> 12:26.145
So just allowing them to breathe. And then
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another thing that's real important once
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you acknowledge it I allow them to forgive
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themselves. Because healing begins with self-forgiveness.
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Because when we're in trauma, we tend to
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blame ourselves for everything. Doesn't matter
12:47.138 --> 12:49.379
who did it. We find ourselves saying I'm
12:49.459 --> 12:52.120
sorry all the time, we find ourselves shrinking
12:52.180 --> 12:55.461
all the time, and that comes to something
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else. You are allowed to be bold and brave.
13:00.615 --> 13:03.458
You are allowed to do that in this space,
13:03.478 --> 13:06.620
because this space is orchestrated just for
13:06.680 --> 13:09.771
you. And then because I'm an intuitive, I
13:09.791 --> 13:14.234
can often pick up on things that you're not
13:14.334 --> 13:17.356
saying. So I have to say, I hear what you're
13:17.396 --> 13:19.858
not saying and I see what you're not showing.
13:20.699 --> 13:23.060
And so when people come to me, it's usually
13:23.100 --> 13:29.785
because of confidence, anxiety, lack of worth,
13:29.845 --> 13:31.306
which is a little different than confidence.
13:31.446 --> 13:33.447
One is kind of your ability, right? And one's
13:33.527 --> 13:35.769
how you feel about yourself and overwhelm.
13:37.438 --> 13:39.420
you know, trying to understand that it's
13:39.500 --> 13:42.624
okay to say not today, and teaching them
13:42.664 --> 13:44.305
and working through that. But one of the
13:44.346 --> 13:47.229
things that I do that I'm really, really
13:47.929 --> 13:52.614
good at, amongst other things, is I get to
13:52.634 --> 13:56.339
the root cause. I get, because we all have
13:56.359 --> 13:58.921
these smoke and mirrors, right? And we all,
13:59.102 --> 14:00.864
and I'll just sit patiently and I'll just
14:00.904 --> 14:03.466
listen. And then I said, okay, now you got
14:03.507 --> 14:06.290
that out. Let's talk about what's really
14:06.330 --> 14:08.867
happening with you. And then getting to that
14:08.907 --> 14:12.149
root cause and being able to start there
14:12.849 --> 14:15.571
and healed forward. You had mentioned something
14:15.631 --> 14:17.813
about me being healed. We are never healed.
14:17.833 --> 14:20.715
We're always healing process. Yes, we're
14:20.855 --> 14:23.657
always healers need healers. Coaches need
14:23.697 --> 14:27.419
coaches. It's always a process, right? And.
14:28.360 --> 14:31.883
awareness, that self awareness, be aware.
14:31.903 --> 14:33.905
So if you're feeling triggered about something,
14:34.345 --> 14:36.827
ask yourself, why am I reacting this way?
14:37.668 --> 14:40.330
What's what's going on with me? And just
14:40.390 --> 14:43.332
being that awareness and having conversations
14:43.432 --> 14:46.034
we talked about earlier, have conversation
14:46.055 --> 14:48.637
with that inner child. Because that inner
14:48.657 --> 14:51.499
child is looking to be free. They want freedom.
14:52.400 --> 14:55.042
And only you can give them that.
14:56.081 --> 14:58.802
So you mentioned a couple of things, right,
14:58.862 --> 15:01.143
that kind of ties into this question. But
15:01.323 --> 15:04.905
I'm going to ask it anyway. So when your
15:04.965 --> 15:07.166
clients are working with you, they're at
15:07.206 --> 15:09.267
this point in their lives, what are they
15:09.327 --> 15:11.748
most often carrying, whether emotionally
15:11.808 --> 15:14.089
or quietly, that they may not have the words
15:14.149 --> 15:15.849
for? And you mentioned confidence. Guilt.
15:16.269 --> 15:19.011
Guilt. Guilt. OK. Guilt and shame. OK.
15:19.751 --> 15:27.623
Guilt and shame. Tell us more. A lot of times
15:27.683 --> 15:29.944
when you're walking with trauma, hurt, and
15:30.004 --> 15:33.585
pain, you tend to blame yourself for everything.
15:34.385 --> 15:35.986
Well, maybe my father wouldn't have drank
15:36.066 --> 15:39.607
as much if I was a better child. Maybe my
15:39.647 --> 15:45.249
mother wouldn't be so mean if I wasn't such
15:45.269 --> 15:49.890
a bad baby. And so there's this guilt that
15:49.910 --> 15:52.471
you're carrying with you. And you know you
15:52.531 --> 15:56.531
shouldn't, but you still do. And that guilt
15:56.711 --> 16:00.132
also, you're ashamed. So what do you do?
16:00.673 --> 16:04.034
Because this is what you feel, you bring
16:04.074 --> 16:06.274
that into your world and your relationships.
16:07.615 --> 16:09.936
Even in your professional life, you will
16:09.976 --> 16:13.937
usually pick a position where you're sometimes
16:14.017 --> 16:15.838
belittled, where you're overworked, where
16:15.858 --> 16:18.659
you're overwhelmed because you're still trying
16:18.859 --> 16:22.980
to get over that guilt and shame.
16:26.423 --> 16:30.145
You had some things that I want to bring
16:30.185 --> 16:32.305
together because, again, the podcast is to
16:32.365 --> 16:34.786
empower women. And so in order to empower,
16:35.007 --> 16:37.187
we have to give some tools, some action items,
16:37.247 --> 16:39.788
or just call some things out. So some of
16:39.808 --> 16:41.949
the things that are coming to mind for me
16:42.570 --> 16:44.390
at this part of the conversation is that
16:44.911 --> 16:49.833
you have to be ready. You have to call it
16:50.053 --> 16:54.795
out. Acknowledge it, be aware of it and ask
16:54.835 --> 16:58.557
for help. And as you said, coaches have coaches
16:58.717 --> 17:01.799
and and so on and so forth. So like for me,
17:02.239 --> 17:04.760
I was finally ready. Like I want a relationship.
17:04.880 --> 17:06.701
I've wanted a relationship, but I wasn't
17:06.741 --> 17:08.782
doing anything about it. It was like I want
17:08.802 --> 17:10.583
it. You know, it was just hoping the universe
17:10.623 --> 17:13.044
would, you know, conspire and it hadn't.
17:13.245 --> 17:15.226
And so I'm like, you know what? I'm at a
17:15.306 --> 17:18.347
point where I need help. And so I did. you
17:18.387 --> 17:20.249
know, seek help, and I am working with a
17:20.349 --> 17:22.350
relationship counselor. And that's something
17:22.390 --> 17:24.892
that we have to do. If you continue, like,
17:24.912 --> 17:26.594
keep throwing something at the wall and it's
17:26.954 --> 17:29.816
not sticking, et cetera, you need help. And
17:29.916 --> 17:31.978
so, and it's okay, like, you know, there's
17:32.038 --> 17:34.620
no need to be guilty about it or shameful
17:34.680 --> 17:37.122
about it. Go ahead and get that help that
17:37.182 --> 17:39.424
you need to make your life better.
17:40.725 --> 17:44.521
Yes. One tip that I would give anyone right
17:44.561 --> 17:47.002
now listening to the sound of my voice, sit
17:47.102 --> 17:50.903
still, get quiet, take a few really cleansing
17:51.023 --> 17:54.104
breaths in and out, and you can do something
17:54.144 --> 17:56.765
called a chair exercise. And that's where
17:56.785 --> 17:59.766
you're sitting and you're looking at that
17:59.846 --> 18:01.687
little five-year-old. What would you say
18:01.707 --> 18:05.134
to that five-year-old? Speak it, speak to
18:05.174 --> 18:09.256
that five-year-old. And then you go up and
18:09.636 --> 18:12.197
you go to that preteen. What would you say
18:12.277 --> 18:14.598
to her or him? And then from there you go
18:14.638 --> 18:16.459
to that teenager that maybe had a broken
18:16.519 --> 18:19.040
heart, maybe is feeling lonely, maybe is
18:19.460 --> 18:21.921
feeling afraid, because those are scary years.
18:22.581 --> 18:24.182
What would you say? And how about that young
18:24.222 --> 18:28.916
adult? What would you say to her? And if
18:28.956 --> 18:32.657
you, anyone can do that. And I can tell you
18:32.677 --> 18:36.578
that exercise right there may not solve everything,
18:36.718 --> 18:40.380
but it is freeing because it's a way to get
18:40.400 --> 18:40.860
it out.
18:41.857 --> 18:43.818
and just the breath alone, right? Just the
18:43.858 --> 18:46.319
breathing. When we intentionally stop to
18:46.379 --> 18:48.660
breathe, oh my God, it feels, because I was
18:48.700 --> 18:49.940
doing it while you were talking. I'm like,
18:50.080 --> 18:52.381
oh yes. You know, and it just brings you
18:52.421 --> 18:53.982
back, right? Because we're constantly moving
18:54.002 --> 18:56.543
through life and we don't take the time to
18:56.663 --> 18:59.084
intentionally breathe. We're breathing because
18:59.144 --> 19:01.225
as we're alive, we're breathing, but we're
19:01.285 --> 19:03.806
not always intentionally breathing and that
19:03.866 --> 19:06.227
does make a difference. So that along with
19:06.307 --> 19:09.268
speaking to different stages of your life
19:10.535 --> 19:12.616
imagine you know I can imagine how powerful
19:12.656 --> 19:15.658
that is so you're in a different season now,
19:16.098 --> 19:17.799
how would you describe the work you're doing
19:17.819 --> 19:21.201
in this season and the kind of transformation
19:21.261 --> 19:24.022
women experience when they allow allow themselves
19:24.062 --> 19:25.143
to fully engage.
19:27.142 --> 19:30.204
The season I'm in, I am living my best life
19:30.264 --> 19:33.766
right now. I am living my best life. For
19:33.806 --> 19:36.087
those who know me, they don't ask, Victoria,
19:36.127 --> 19:37.668
how are you doing? They're like, where are
19:37.708 --> 19:41.271
you now? I am up and gone. I am liable to
19:41.311 --> 19:46.034
be anywhere in the world. I am really in
19:46.094 --> 19:51.737
a season where I've worked really hard to
19:51.777 --> 19:55.300
get here. I'm able to live anywhere, do anything.
19:55.320 --> 19:58.302
I own Avalon Executive Assistance, and that's
19:58.362 --> 20:00.324
a marketing and branding company. We'll take
20:00.384 --> 20:03.146
you and get your vision out there. We'll
20:03.246 --> 20:05.007
let your voice be heard, because that's what
20:05.047 --> 20:06.789
it's about, getting the voices out there,
20:07.109 --> 20:09.411
getting your vision out to the world. And
20:09.451 --> 20:12.013
then we make you visible, so that the world
20:12.053 --> 20:15.455
know you exist. That's what we do at my company,
20:15.555 --> 20:17.777
Avalon Executive Assistance. And right now,
20:18.317 --> 20:23.810
and that's assistants, A-N-T-S, And the season
20:23.870 --> 20:27.311
I'm in now is really one of reaching back.
20:28.852 --> 20:32.133
Reaching back and bringing others along the
20:32.173 --> 20:35.273
way. Whether I do that with speaking or whether
20:35.313 --> 20:38.334
I'll do that in podcasts or circles or however
20:38.474 --> 20:41.855
I can. And then of course I have the work
20:41.875 --> 20:44.816
that I do in inner child healing and trauma
20:44.856 --> 20:47.857
recovery. But yeah, girl, I'm living my life
20:47.937 --> 20:50.631
right now. I'm single. And I'm okay with
20:50.651 --> 20:54.055
that. Yeah, I'm okay with being single. You
20:54.095 --> 20:56.418
know, if he comes out of the sky, or however
20:56.438 --> 20:59.501
he gets to me, I'm open to it. But it's not
20:59.581 --> 21:02.104
something that I'm pushing because I am very,
21:03.546 --> 21:04.587
very happy right now.
21:05.140 --> 21:06.941
I love that. And so again, those that are
21:07.001 --> 21:09.642
watching or listening, it's okay to be single.
21:09.842 --> 21:13.024
It's okay to also, you know, want, um, and
21:13.064 --> 21:15.705
call in that love. So whatever you want,
21:16.025 --> 21:17.866
whatever stage you're in in your life, you
21:17.906 --> 21:19.787
know, that's beautiful. And so when we were
21:19.827 --> 21:22.268
talking before we said how, yes, when people
21:22.308 --> 21:23.669
like reach out to us, like, where are you
21:23.789 --> 21:26.350
at? They know to ask that because we both
21:26.390 --> 21:28.511
share that a love of travel. And as a matter
21:28.531 --> 21:30.352
of fact, I was headed to New York tomorrow.
21:30.832 --> 21:33.234
But I think I'm not because it's been snowing
21:33.315 --> 21:35.417
here in Detroit, and I don't even want to
21:35.457 --> 21:37.939
have to deal with all that because the flight
21:37.979 --> 21:40.401
is at 7 in the morning. So I probably won't
21:40.441 --> 21:44.625
go, but you know that there will be a flight
21:44.945 --> 21:49.818
soon. So now, when we talked before, did
21:49.838 --> 21:51.518
you tell me something about singing?
21:51.659 --> 21:53.219
Did you mention something about singing?
21:54.120 --> 21:58.081
Oh, yes. I am a healing artist. I have songs
21:58.722 --> 22:04.824
that I wrote, lyrics that I wrote, and they
22:04.844 --> 22:08.586
are anthems, powerful anthems for women who've
22:08.866 --> 22:11.507
ever been through anything. I have one song
22:11.527 --> 22:13.048
called Crush, and every time I play it for
22:13.068 --> 22:14.488
a woman, because it goes back, and one of
22:14.508 --> 22:20.056
the lines in the song is, I love the man
22:20.076 --> 22:24.219
I had. I love the man I thought I had, but
22:24.259 --> 22:27.380
not the one I really had. So you know how
22:27.460 --> 22:29.741
when we're in love, we see like through all
22:29.781 --> 22:34.644
these covers, you know? And the exact verse
22:34.744 --> 22:37.345
is, I love the man I thought I had, but not
22:37.385 --> 22:40.488
the man I had. It's called Crushed, seven
22:40.528 --> 22:43.850
years of tips and tricks. So basically, I
22:43.890 --> 22:45.792
put up with an alcoholic for seven years.
22:45.812 --> 22:48.274
That's just where I was in life. And that's
22:48.294 --> 22:50.536
where we find ourselves. But at the end,
22:50.596 --> 22:53.939
it says, I'm free. Crushed, not broken. And
22:53.979 --> 22:57.982
so I write songs. The record label is So
22:58.102 --> 23:02.606
Fire Studio Sanctuary. All my songs will
23:02.626 --> 23:05.428
be available on Apple and podcasts, and you
23:05.468 --> 23:06.489
will see them soon.
23:07.421 --> 23:09.563
Awesome, and yeah, well, definitely have
23:09.583 --> 23:12.465
that in the show notes. And so what you just
23:12.525 --> 23:15.026
said, I want to kind of go back to that.
23:15.086 --> 23:17.628
What you said is, it's where you were in
23:17.728 --> 23:20.730
life. And I want to raise that as in when
23:20.770 --> 23:23.952
we're dealing with stuff, it's not the other
23:23.992 --> 23:27.975
person, it's us. It's where we are in life.
23:28.035 --> 23:30.857
It's what we feel that we deserve, what we
23:30.897 --> 23:33.339
feel that we can handle at that particular
23:33.399 --> 23:33.779
time.
23:35.586 --> 23:39.288
Is that fully agree with that? You know,
23:39.548 --> 23:41.609
we all know the old saying is when we know
23:41.649 --> 23:43.830
better, we do better. But sometimes, but
23:43.910 --> 23:46.211
sometimes as women, we know better and still
23:46.251 --> 23:49.373
don't do better. Yeah. Right. Right. Because
23:49.873 --> 23:51.814
you know, I had mentioned before how I was
23:51.854 --> 23:53.675
seeking outside validation. I didn't think
23:53.715 --> 23:56.056
I was good enough. I felt I got what I deserved.
23:56.296 --> 23:56.536
Yeah.
23:56.717 --> 23:58.798
Yeah. You know, it was the healing process
23:58.838 --> 24:00.258
that I, you know, I was like, Whoa, wait
24:00.298 --> 24:03.440
a minute. I'm worth more than this. Yeah.
24:04.451 --> 24:06.711
So that's a fine, that's kind of a fine line.
24:06.751 --> 24:08.372
And I want to raise that up for the person
24:08.412 --> 24:10.652
who may say, but wait a minute, didn't you
24:10.692 --> 24:12.452
just say a little while ago that, you know,
24:12.492 --> 24:14.333
it wasn't your fault that blah, blah, blah.
24:14.693 --> 24:17.593
So how do we kind of like, how do we speak
24:17.613 --> 24:20.034
to that? Right. That let's just say today
24:20.114 --> 24:22.694
as adults, whatnot, we, you know, we're in
24:22.734 --> 24:25.015
relationships or we're in things that we
24:25.035 --> 24:28.575
kind of put ourself in. Right. And then also
24:28.815 --> 24:30.516
certain things were not our fault. So how
24:30.536 --> 24:32.778
do we, you know, balance that? Well, we were
24:32.798 --> 24:35.380
talking about two different issues, okay?
24:35.801 --> 24:40.645
We were talking about the child blaming themselves
24:40.725 --> 24:42.946
for the alcoholic parent or the immature
24:42.986 --> 24:47.710
parent. We were talking about, even if you're
24:47.730 --> 24:52.714
in, how do I, I gotta be real careful I'm
24:52.734 --> 24:57.615
gonna phrase this. Some people see women
24:58.275 --> 25:01.418
in abusive relationship and men in abusive
25:01.438 --> 25:03.199
relationships. And they're like, just get
25:03.399 --> 25:07.842
out, just get out. There's so many dynamics
25:08.643 --> 25:13.786
around that. And I don't believe in blaming
25:14.307 --> 25:17.709
the victim. You know what I mean? And there's
25:17.749 --> 25:20.671
a lot of reasons. It takes a lot of healing,
25:21.452 --> 25:25.984
a lot of support a lot of shifting to be
25:26.104 --> 25:30.547
able to really say, hey, this isn't working
25:30.587 --> 25:34.129
for me. I got to get out of here. And everyone's
25:34.249 --> 25:37.150
not at a place that they can do that. Right.
25:38.271 --> 25:40.332
And so I don't want to blame anyone that's
25:40.392 --> 25:43.054
in a situation, even if they know it's not
25:43.134 --> 25:45.375
good for them. But what I would like to do
25:45.815 --> 25:50.698
is encourage you to seek help to get out.
25:53.465 --> 25:56.066
So that's how I reconcile that. No, and I
25:56.086 --> 25:58.027
appreciate that, right? Because we are talking
25:58.047 --> 25:59.528
about different things. And I just wanted
25:59.568 --> 26:02.950
that to be clear since we're here. All right.
26:02.970 --> 26:05.571
So I want to shift now. So I mentioned earlier
26:05.631 --> 26:08.532
how I started a community for Black women
25:53.465 --> 26:12.094
50 and above. It's the Dream Lifestyle Collective.
26:12.854 --> 26:15.856
And it's community for us. It's our space.
26:15.876 --> 26:17.997
You talked about safe spaces. It's a safe
26:18.037 --> 26:20.258
space for us. It's a way for us to come together.
26:20.618 --> 26:23.699
to build together a collective for us to
26:23.799 --> 26:26.420
share and learn from one another and to build
26:26.500 --> 26:29.281
up one another. So what does it mean to you
26:29.401 --> 26:32.742
to be in a space like this at the stage of
26:32.922 --> 26:35.403
your life that you're in, not as the healer
26:35.483 --> 26:38.984
holding space, but as a woman being held
26:39.104 --> 26:39.864
in community?
26:40.885 --> 26:44.386
I tell you what, there is something so powerful
26:44.466 --> 26:49.219
about community. So, so powerful. I'm sorry,
26:49.259 --> 26:54.704
powerful about community. One thing too,
26:54.824 --> 26:58.788
when you get to a certain space, you understand
26:58.828 --> 27:05.294
that it's not me, me, me. I don't need to
27:05.334 --> 27:08.417
be a star. I want to be in the community.
27:09.625 --> 27:12.246
Where we're all coming together collectively,
27:12.387 --> 27:16.509
because I do believe together we rise. And
27:16.549 --> 27:19.090
that's why I think collectives are so important
27:19.611 --> 27:24.013
and to find like minded women that we can
27:24.053 --> 27:27.414
hold space for each other. you know, picking
27:27.474 --> 27:30.016
up the phone, you and I, you know, just chit
27:30.056 --> 27:33.837
chatting. And it is so uplifting. So the
27:33.877 --> 27:35.798
work that you're doing in the collective,
27:35.978 --> 27:40.880
I applaud it. I'm in. I'm in. I love it.
27:41.421 --> 27:41.921
I love it.
27:42.041 --> 27:44.782
I love it. I'm in. So now we're going to
27:44.942 --> 27:47.863
shift back to put your Hillen hat back on.
27:47.923 --> 27:50.465
So from your perspective, what happens in
27:50.505 --> 27:53.306
a woman's nervous system when she's finally
27:53.346 --> 27:55.467
in a space where she doesn't have to explain
27:55.507 --> 27:57.655
herself or perform strength?
28:01.596 --> 28:07.059
She finds joy. When we're able to release
28:07.219 --> 28:10.480
the negative emotions, the lower emotions,
28:10.560 --> 28:15.082
betrayal, anger, anxiety, when we're able,
28:15.102 --> 28:17.623
and I'm not talking about clinical anxiety
28:18.283 --> 28:21.485
here. When we're able to release those things,
28:22.338 --> 28:25.000
We can breathe. What happens? The cortisol
28:25.040 --> 28:28.723
levels go down. Our dopamine goes up. We
28:28.763 --> 28:31.505
become happier. We sleep better. A lot of
28:31.525 --> 28:33.947
the things that used to bother us no longer,
28:34.007 --> 28:37.610
like a lot of us, some people hold tension
28:37.650 --> 28:39.712
in their chest and their shoulders are always
28:39.752 --> 28:41.874
hurting. Some people, their neck is always
28:41.914 --> 28:44.876
hurting. Some people, if you have, I worked
28:44.896 --> 28:47.278
with a woman who had Lyme disease and it
28:47.318 --> 28:49.280
was just wrecking her body until we started
28:49.320 --> 28:52.102
working and she was able to, kind of release
28:52.563 --> 28:55.006
that energy. And now she doesn't have the
28:55.046 --> 28:58.109
flare up she was having. So once you can
28:58.189 --> 29:02.615
find peace, your body goes right along with
29:02.735 --> 29:02.775
it.
29:05.373 --> 29:06.894
Yeah. And you know what? That's interesting
29:06.914 --> 29:10.178
because I recently went to the dentist and
29:10.198 --> 29:11.619
they're like, do you grind your teeth? Or
29:11.679 --> 29:13.501
like you are grinding your teeth or whatever.
29:13.561 --> 29:15.743
But what I've noticed since then is that
29:15.903 --> 29:18.926
I do, I clench my teeth and I'm not quite
29:19.046 --> 29:22.904
sure what that's about just yet. I don't
29:22.944 --> 29:25.065
feel that I'm stressed. I do feel like, you
29:25.105 --> 29:27.187
know, I am living my dream life. I'm loving
29:27.227 --> 29:29.548
life, but you know, I'm going to have to
29:29.608 --> 29:32.170
get to the root of what's causing me to do
29:32.210 --> 29:35.252
that. But yeah, as you were talking, so there
29:35.292 --> 29:37.874
are some physical things that are, that happen
29:37.914 --> 29:40.435
in our lives that are like kind of cues and
29:40.455 --> 29:42.117
letting you know, okay, maybe look at that
29:42.157 --> 29:45.639
a little bit closer as to what could possibly
29:45.699 --> 29:48.281
be triggering or causing you to do certain
29:48.321 --> 29:52.693
things. So yes, it's physical, right? some
29:52.733 --> 29:55.215
stress, whatever, when it manifests physically,
29:55.895 --> 29:58.396
it's time, it's really time to go ahead and
29:58.716 --> 30:00.337
take notice and do something about that.
30:00.898 --> 30:02.558
Yeah, so we're all different. For me, it's
30:02.599 --> 30:04.820
my stomach. If my stomach, I know something's
30:04.840 --> 30:07.101
going on up here and I gotta face it.
30:07.526 --> 30:11.668
Yeah, yeah. OK, so I want to zoom out for
30:11.708 --> 30:14.029
a moment. Do you believe there's a chapter
30:14.069 --> 30:16.691
of a woman's life, especially after years
30:16.771 --> 30:20.413
of caregiving, leadership, or survival, that
30:20.493 --> 30:23.454
society hasn't fully named or honored yet?
30:24.075 --> 30:26.456
And if so, how would you describe that chapter?
30:28.637 --> 30:31.018
Absolutely. I will describe that chapter
30:31.099 --> 30:34.375
as her time. It's her time. It's her time
30:34.415 --> 30:37.279
to be whom she wants to be, to honor herself.
30:38.460 --> 30:41.644
It's up to her how she wants to live that
30:41.684 --> 30:44.888
life. Again, let's go back to where our validation
30:44.928 --> 30:49.121
comes from. Society tells us one thing, but
30:49.161 --> 30:51.281
what do we feel about ourselves? That's what
30:51.361 --> 30:53.682
really matters. And I'm not talking arrogance.
30:53.722 --> 30:56.903
I'm not talking ego here. I'm talking your
30:56.963 --> 31:00.164
validation comes from you. Doesn't matter.
31:00.524 --> 31:02.465
Society is always gonna be society. They're
31:02.485 --> 31:05.705
always gonna say, you know, finally we embrace
31:05.765 --> 31:08.646
our gray. Think about it, 10 years ago, we
31:08.686 --> 31:11.567
weren't embracing gray. Right, no. Right,
31:11.627 --> 31:13.548
we were dying and we were talking and we
31:13.588 --> 31:19.669
were talking. We were doing everything. So,
31:20.129 --> 31:22.430
after the caregiving, you know, somebody
31:22.530 --> 31:24.251
asked me so I say no my kids are grown I'm
31:24.271 --> 31:28.912
gone. Right. If that's when we can fully
31:28.992 --> 31:31.653
step into our own. Yes, that's when we can
31:31.813 --> 31:36.657
slow down. And then sometimes though, when
31:36.697 --> 31:39.740
we get there, we're a little lost because
31:39.800 --> 31:44.064
we spent so many years pouring from our cup
31:44.104 --> 31:47.867
and not our saucer. And we don't know what
31:47.927 --> 31:51.410
to do at that time. And I think that's probably
31:51.470 --> 31:54.893
the hardest part. It's like, who am I? If
31:54.973 --> 31:59.016
I'm not Stella's mom, or if I'm not Bill's
31:59.096 --> 32:03.135
wife, now what's left for me? And I would
32:03.155 --> 32:05.820
like to say to the sisters that are listening,
32:06.762 --> 32:10.867
life has been waiting on you. Yes. to live.
32:10.947 --> 32:13.648
We talked about travel. You can't travel.
32:13.708 --> 32:17.510
That's okay. Find a hobby. You get to choose.
32:18.270 --> 32:20.311
And what society says and what society is
32:20.351 --> 32:23.152
gonna do, they're just gonna do. Ageism,
32:23.392 --> 32:26.113
it's real. It's alive. Yes, it's true. If
32:26.693 --> 32:28.694
you're over 50 and you're trying to get back
32:28.754 --> 32:32.035
in a workforce, good luck. That's why I love
32:32.195 --> 32:34.276
Avalon. What we do there is because you don't
32:34.316 --> 32:36.357
need the workforce. We're gonna create you
32:36.837 --> 32:39.938
your own business. Absolutely. Stop working
32:39.958 --> 32:41.899
for somebody else. You spent all these years
32:41.959 --> 32:44.220
working for somebody else. It's time for
32:44.260 --> 32:46.640
you to do your own thing and get paid for
32:46.740 --> 32:46.800
it.
32:46.920 --> 32:49.801
That's right. Bring that expertise and let
32:49.841 --> 32:51.682
it be something you do. And that's, again,
32:51.722 --> 32:53.062
some things that we're going to get into
32:53.202 --> 32:55.443
in the collective. So absolutely. So here's
32:55.483 --> 32:57.544
something new that I want to throw out to
32:57.584 --> 33:00.226
you. There's something I do every year, but
33:00.266 --> 33:01.947
I haven't seen posts about it. So that's
33:02.007 --> 33:04.929
why I added it into this conversation. So
33:04.989 --> 33:07.330
when we look ahead, right, and ahead is in,
33:07.430 --> 33:11.612
what, two plus days to 2026, what's your
33:11.792 --> 33:13.914
one word that will guide you through the
33:13.954 --> 33:14.114
year?
33:15.455 --> 33:17.016
You know, I thought about that because every
33:17.056 --> 33:19.458
year I have a word. Yeah. And the thing I
33:19.518 --> 33:21.800
love about my word every year is when I look
33:21.840 --> 33:24.062
back on those words, that's how every word
33:24.142 --> 33:31.009
I have every year builds. Mm-hmm. It builds
33:31.089 --> 33:32.631
on the next year. Yes.
33:33.011 --> 33:33.291
Yes.
33:33.411 --> 33:37.295
And so this year, and I think it's a word
33:37.315 --> 33:39.016
that I've been really working towards, it's
33:39.056 --> 33:41.999
just freedom. OK. It's my word, freedom.
33:42.719 --> 33:44.841
OK. I love it. I love it. You know, absolutely.
33:44.861 --> 33:48.284
So my word in 2022 was live. And then it
33:48.344 --> 33:50.286
became live a dream lifestyle, which, you
33:50.306 --> 33:53.929
know, is my brand. Right. So it became my
33:54.009 --> 33:56.611
way of living. It also became my brand. And
33:56.651 --> 33:59.476
then for this year, my word is unprecedented.
33:59.997 --> 34:02.100
And so I think we're going to move it into
34:02.220 --> 34:04.324
expectancy for 2026 with the underlying so.
34:07.546 --> 34:09.728
That's where I'm at right now. And I want
34:09.768 --> 34:11.950
to invite those who are watching or listening
34:12.190 --> 34:14.231
to think about it. Think of your word for
33:42.719 --> 34:17.614
2026, how you want your life to be, how you
34:17.654 --> 34:21.077
want it to present for you. It's like you
34:21.137 --> 34:23.519
say that word and then you live into that
34:23.579 --> 34:26.661
word. That's what I want to invite all of
34:26.701 --> 34:30.424
you as we count down to 2026 to start thinking
34:30.464 --> 34:32.345
about your word and then declare it, say
34:32.405 --> 34:38.914
it so. So as we close, and for everyone listening,
34:39.914 --> 34:42.557
again, I want to invite you to sit with that
34:42.617 --> 34:45.139
question for yourself. Think about it. You
34:45.179 --> 34:46.780
don't have to come up with a word today.
34:46.860 --> 34:48.602
If you do, you do, right? Because sometimes
34:48.642 --> 34:50.743
it just hits you. But just notice what's
34:50.803 --> 34:53.526
pulling at you, what's really resonating
34:53.566 --> 35:25.781
with you, and again, how you want your 2026
34:55.587 --> 34:59.100
to look. And Victoria, I wanna thank you
34:59.120 --> 35:01.242
so much for your wisdom, your honesty, your
35:01.302 --> 35:03.564
presence, for coming back, right? Because
35:03.584 --> 35:06.005
this is your second time. And again, for
35:06.065 --> 35:08.147
saying yes to the collective because we're
35:08.167 --> 35:10.309
gonna do some great things. You mentioned
35:10.329 --> 35:12.791
the circles, that's what's coming up in January
35:12.971 --> 35:14.792
and you're guiding one of those. So again,
35:14.832 --> 35:20.016
I thank you. And before we say goodbye and
35:20.056 --> 35:22.358
we're saying goodbye to 2025, what would
35:22.378 --> 35:25.020
you like to leave those who are watching
35:25.060 --> 35:25.781
or listening with?
35:27.157 --> 35:30.643
Yes, the thing that I leave all conversations
35:30.703 --> 35:35.110
with is, I see you, you matter, and you are
35:35.130 --> 35:40.627
enough. and you can reach me at justaskvictoria.com,
35:40.988 --> 35:44.250
victoria at justaskvictoria.com. You can
35:44.310 --> 35:46.672
find me on Instagram, you can find me on
35:46.873 --> 35:50.395
Facebook at victoriafinch22. I am easy to
35:50.436 --> 35:51.977
find, just ask Victoria.
35:52.297 --> 35:54.539
Just ask Victoria. You have a question, just
35:54.779 --> 35:57.221
ask Victoria. Well, Victoria, again, thank
35:57.261 --> 36:00.124
you so much. Happy New Year to you, to those
36:00.184 --> 36:02.285
who are watching or listening, and until
36:02.325 --> 36:02.846
next time.