The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word

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Welcome to another episode of Women of Color

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in Intimate Conversation. Today is actually

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our last episode of the year, so I'm excited

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to have a repeat guest. Victoria, welcome

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back. I'm really grateful we're here together

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again. So excited to share with everyone

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who's watching or listening what you're up

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to. And also to talk a little bit about the

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Dream Lifestyle Collective, which is a space

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I created for Black women 50 and up and,

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you know, just some of the things that you're

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doing within that space. So before we jump

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into things, tell the people who are just

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meeting you for the first time, share a little

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bit about your journey that led you into

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your work and how the name The Heart Healer

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came to reflect, not just what you do, but

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who you are.

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Oh, what a great question. Usually people

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will ask, thank you for having me, first

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of all. Usually people will ask me, why are

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you The Heart Healer? I love the last part

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of that. When I was a young child, I grew

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up in a loving family. I was the youngest

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of six children, even though I didn't feel

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like I was so much loved. When you're the

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baby, everybody's like, oh, get out of here,

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go away, go away. And I remember when I was

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about two years old, I was in my parents

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room and they had sent me to my brother's

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room who told me to get out and they sent

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me to my sister's room. They told me to get

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out. Now, here's the thing. We only had three

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bedrooms, six kids, two adults. So baby Victoria

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did not have her own room, her own crib,

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nothing that was mine as a child. And when

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my parents told me to leave their room and

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my brothers and my sisters told me to leave

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their room, Imagine a toddler, a two-year-old

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still in diapers. At that moment, I felt

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nobody wanted me, nobody loved me. And I

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was just a baby. And I remember sitting by

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my parents' door, knees to chest, with no

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place to go. And That little girl sat by

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her parents' door for over 50 years. How

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did she sit by her parents' door? I call

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that the hallway experience. That's it in

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between where you are and where God's leading

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you to go. And that little girl sat by that

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door in relationships that were non-committal,

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who would want me anyway. I would become

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a very, very high achiever, because I thought,

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man, if I was just good enough, if I just

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had enough, they would see me, they would

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love me, not knowing that they always saw

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me and they always loved me. But that little

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two-year-old brain stayed with me. And that

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put me in and out of depression for most

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of my life. And I remember in 2017, sitting

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by my bed, not caring if I was going to wake

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up the next day.

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Oh, wow.

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I had a bottle of pills and a depressant

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again and I get ready to take the medicine

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and I hear a voice just like you and I speaking

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that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose

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and this is not it. And I got up and I threw

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those pills away and I knew I had a heart

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issue. And so I got busy and I started to

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seek my own healing. And you know how they

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say when the student is ready, the teacher

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will appear. I came across this famous hypnotherapist

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online and I did one of her sessions. It

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just changed my life. And I thought, wow,

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there's got to be a lot of women out there

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who are high achievers, who wear a mask,

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who never put their oxygen mask on first.

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There's so many of us. And it feels like

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the older we get, the more we do it. Right.

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And so I knew I had a heart condition. And

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so I was given the word and I call it God.

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You call it whatever you want to call it.

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That said, You now have the purpose. Your

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purpose mission is to heal the world one

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heart at a time. And that's how I became

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the heart healer.

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I love that. I absolutely do. And like what

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you said, so many of us have experienced

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that in some form, right? Or another, right?

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not feeling seen for whatever reason. And

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that's something that just comes up a lot,

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especially lately, being seen. Like for me

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personally, when someone sees me, I'm like,

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thank you so much. I really appreciate that

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because it means a lot to me. We're in this

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world, we're surrounded by so many people

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doing things, And we don't always feel seen.

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And so when a person takes the time to see

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us, to acknowledge that, that means a lot.

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So let me ask you, you talked about being

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a two year old, being a little girl, baby,

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and not feeling love, not feeling like you

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belong anywhere, right? Because you were

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in a home with a, you know, a large family.

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So when you think about it today, as you

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think about it from your healed heart, What

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would you tell yourself? What would you tell

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that little girl sitting on the floor with

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her knees to her chest?

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It's interesting that you ask that question

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as well. I have to say, I love your questions.

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And because part of my work is as inner child

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healing, and I help women especially overcome

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childhood trauma and PTSD. And part of my

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practice is what we call regression work,

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where we actually go back to that little

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girl, or that moment in time, where you felt

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the most in love that, that charted the direction

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of your life. So what I needed that little

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girl to know was that she was loved, and

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she was seen. And it's just that she was

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the baby and her brothers and sisters and

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her parents were just doing what they were

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doing. It didn't mean they didn't love her.

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And then what ended up happening was I really

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still felt there was something missing. I

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didn't know what it was. So then I actually

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hired a hypnotherapist who did the regression

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with me, who took me back to that little

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girl. and you know mentally my subconscious

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and I was able to see her there and what

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happened the thing I did not remember was

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my father had come out of the room he saw

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me there he picked me up and I remembered

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what he was wearing everything and he picked

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me up and he started pacing up and down the

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hallway with me he didn't even know I was

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there And I just, it was just this feeling

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of, they did see me, they didn't mean to

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leave me. And this is not to diminish anyone

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who, you know, feels the way that they feel,

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but to be able to go back and know that that

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little girl was loved. And when I worked

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with my clients, it's the same thing. We

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go back, we go to that moment and they speak

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to that child that says, you are loved, you

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are seen, you are enough.

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Yes, I love that. And so two things come

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up for me. One, I feel that when we have

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these experiences, that it's for our future

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self to do the work that we end up doing.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah. Right. And the other thing is, so I'm

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here. And so I do have some tears in my eyes

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because it reminds me of just a few weeks

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ago when I was talking to my younger self

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and I was telling her, you know what? it's

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okay to allow love in. And so that's the

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journey that I'm on. I'm opening myself up

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to a love, to my love, to that relationship.

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And so it is. It's a journey, it's practice

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because it's not something that I'm used

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to being open for whatever reason, right?

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But I'm there now and I told her, I said,

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you know, and I hugged her and all of those

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things. So what you're saying, the regression,

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those are things that I was experiencing

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and dealing with myself. And again, those

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who are watching or listening, it's okay.

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You know what you went through, you went

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through for a reason and now it's time to

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reach back and let yourself know that you

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were loved, that you were seen, and that

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you see yourself and you love yourself and

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move forward.

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Yes. And that's one thing you said is it's

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seeking, it's understanding that validation

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and love comes from the inside out.

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Yeah.

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The achievement, the men, all of that was

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looking for that outside validation. And

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once I was able to realize my worth, just

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because I'm a creation of the most high or

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whatever you believe in, that in and of itself

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makes you worthy. The fact that you're living,

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breathing,

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human being makes you worthy if nothing else

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in the world does right absolutely just quick

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i'm just curious what is your love language

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if you know your love language what what

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is your number one oh this is

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I'm laughing because, you know, there's a

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little controversy on whether or not both

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languages truly exist, but I would say mine

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would definitely be words of affection. Mine

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too! And physical touch.

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Yeah, number one for me is words of affirmation,

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and I think Affirmation. I'm feeling like

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gifts are number two, but I don't remember.

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But number one, hands down, words of affirmation.

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And I ask that because I'm wondering, because

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again, going back to being seen, and when

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people are like, oh, I see you in different

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things of that, does that, you know, because

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of it being your words of affirmation, I

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feel that that has something to do with it.

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But just was curious. So thinking about the

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work that you do and thinking about, again,

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your personal experiences, I know has made

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you dynamic at what it is that you do. But

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talk to us a little bit more about that work

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and how you're helping them to lead, choose

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themselves, and move forward with clarity.

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I have to do this, but I will answer that

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question. But do you notice our walls are

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the same color?

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Green? Is it green? Because it's green.

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You know how it is. No, it's almost the same.

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It's a shade off of green. See, this is when

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you know. Those who are watching, this is

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when you know you find a sister. OK.

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Look, we already talked about, you know,

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we were looking pale. And so that was part

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of the reason why I put glasses on. And we

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have the, you know, the silver. That's right.

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That's right.

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Now you have to ask a question again. I know,

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I know. And so for those who are not watching,

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you're missing out. So make sure that you

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also jump on YouTube and check us out. So,

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so, you know, your, your experience and what

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you've gone through and you know, when this

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is coming from your heart, this is coming

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from something that you experienced. Tell

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us a little bit more about how you're helping

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your clients, patients, those who come to

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see you, how you're helping them lead, choose

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themselves and move forward with clarity.

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Yes. Well, first, you have to be radically

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honest. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge.

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I'll say that again. You cannot heal what

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you do not acknowledge. When people come

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to me, I believe the most important thing

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that I do for them is I hold a safe space,

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a space where they're able to express themselves,

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a nonjudgmental space. And we start with

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that, that peace, that calm that says you

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are safe here. Because many of my patients,

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not patients, I'm sorry, many of my clients

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come to me, they have physical ailments because

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they've held so much in for so long, it shows

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up in their bodies and anxiety and depression

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and insomnia and so many different ways.

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So just allowing them to breathe. And then

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another thing that's real important once

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you acknowledge it I allow them to forgive

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themselves. Because healing begins with self-forgiveness.

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Because when we're in trauma, we tend to

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blame ourselves for everything. Doesn't matter

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who did it. We find ourselves saying I'm

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sorry all the time, we find ourselves shrinking

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all the time, and that comes to something

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else. You are allowed to be bold and brave.

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You are allowed to do that in this space,

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because this space is orchestrated just for

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you. And then because I'm an intuitive, I

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can often pick up on things that you're not

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saying. So I have to say, I hear what you're

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not saying and I see what you're not showing.

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And so when people come to me, it's usually

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because of confidence, anxiety, lack of worth,

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which is a little different than confidence.

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One is kind of your ability, right? And one's

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how you feel about yourself and overwhelm.

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you know, trying to understand that it's

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okay to say not today, and teaching them

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and working through that. But one of the

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things that I do that I'm really, really

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good at, amongst other things, is I get to

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the root cause. I get, because we all have

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these smoke and mirrors, right? And we all,

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and I'll just sit patiently and I'll just

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listen. And then I said, okay, now you got

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that out. Let's talk about what's really

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happening with you. And then getting to that

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root cause and being able to start there

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and healed forward. You had mentioned something

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about me being healed. We are never healed.

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We're always healing process. Yes, we're

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always healers need healers. Coaches need

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coaches. It's always a process, right? And.

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awareness, that self awareness, be aware.

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So if you're feeling triggered about something,

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ask yourself, why am I reacting this way?

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What's what's going on with me? And just

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being that awareness and having conversations

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we talked about earlier, have conversation

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with that inner child. Because that inner

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child is looking to be free. They want freedom.

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And only you can give them that.

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So you mentioned a couple of things, right,

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that kind of ties into this question. But

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I'm going to ask it anyway. So when your

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clients are working with you, they're at

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this point in their lives, what are they

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most often carrying, whether emotionally

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or quietly, that they may not have the words

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for? And you mentioned confidence. Guilt.

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Guilt. Guilt. OK. Guilt and shame. OK.

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Guilt and shame. Tell us more. A lot of times

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when you're walking with trauma, hurt, and

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pain, you tend to blame yourself for everything.

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Well, maybe my father wouldn't have drank

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as much if I was a better child. Maybe my

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mother wouldn't be so mean if I wasn't such

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a bad baby. And so there's this guilt that

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you're carrying with you. And you know you

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shouldn't, but you still do. And that guilt

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also, you're ashamed. So what do you do?

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Because this is what you feel, you bring

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that into your world and your relationships.

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Even in your professional life, you will

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usually pick a position where you're sometimes

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belittled, where you're overworked, where

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you're overwhelmed because you're still trying

16:18.859 --> 16:22.980
to get over that guilt and shame.

16:26.423 --> 16:30.145
You had some things that I want to bring

16:30.185 --> 16:32.305
together because, again, the podcast is to

16:32.365 --> 16:34.786
empower women. And so in order to empower,

16:35.007 --> 16:37.187
we have to give some tools, some action items,

16:37.247 --> 16:39.788
or just call some things out. So some of

16:39.808 --> 16:41.949
the things that are coming to mind for me

16:42.570 --> 16:44.390
at this part of the conversation is that

16:44.911 --> 16:49.833
you have to be ready. You have to call it

16:50.053 --> 16:54.795
out. Acknowledge it, be aware of it and ask

16:54.835 --> 16:58.557
for help. And as you said, coaches have coaches

16:58.717 --> 17:01.799
and and so on and so forth. So like for me,

17:02.239 --> 17:04.760
I was finally ready. Like I want a relationship.

17:04.880 --> 17:06.701
I've wanted a relationship, but I wasn't

17:06.741 --> 17:08.782
doing anything about it. It was like I want

17:08.802 --> 17:10.583
it. You know, it was just hoping the universe

17:10.623 --> 17:13.044
would, you know, conspire and it hadn't.

17:13.245 --> 17:15.226
And so I'm like, you know what? I'm at a

17:15.306 --> 17:18.347
point where I need help. And so I did. you

17:18.387 --> 17:20.249
know, seek help, and I am working with a

17:20.349 --> 17:22.350
relationship counselor. And that's something

17:22.390 --> 17:24.892
that we have to do. If you continue, like,

17:24.912 --> 17:26.594
keep throwing something at the wall and it's

17:26.954 --> 17:29.816
not sticking, et cetera, you need help. And

17:29.916 --> 17:31.978
so, and it's okay, like, you know, there's

17:32.038 --> 17:34.620
no need to be guilty about it or shameful

17:34.680 --> 17:37.122
about it. Go ahead and get that help that

17:37.182 --> 17:39.424
you need to make your life better.

17:40.725 --> 17:44.521
Yes. One tip that I would give anyone right

17:44.561 --> 17:47.002
now listening to the sound of my voice, sit

17:47.102 --> 17:50.903
still, get quiet, take a few really cleansing

17:51.023 --> 17:54.104
breaths in and out, and you can do something

17:54.144 --> 17:56.765
called a chair exercise. And that's where

17:56.785 --> 17:59.766
you're sitting and you're looking at that

17:59.846 --> 18:01.687
little five-year-old. What would you say

18:01.707 --> 18:05.134
to that five-year-old? Speak it, speak to

18:05.174 --> 18:09.256
that five-year-old. And then you go up and

18:09.636 --> 18:12.197
you go to that preteen. What would you say

18:12.277 --> 18:14.598
to her or him? And then from there you go

18:14.638 --> 18:16.459
to that teenager that maybe had a broken

18:16.519 --> 18:19.040
heart, maybe is feeling lonely, maybe is

18:19.460 --> 18:21.921
feeling afraid, because those are scary years.

18:22.581 --> 18:24.182
What would you say? And how about that young

18:24.222 --> 18:28.916
adult? What would you say to her? And if

18:28.956 --> 18:32.657
you, anyone can do that. And I can tell you

18:32.677 --> 18:36.578
that exercise right there may not solve everything,

18:36.718 --> 18:40.380
but it is freeing because it's a way to get

18:40.400 --> 18:40.860
it out.

18:41.857 --> 18:43.818
and just the breath alone, right? Just the

18:43.858 --> 18:46.319
breathing. When we intentionally stop to

18:46.379 --> 18:48.660
breathe, oh my God, it feels, because I was

18:48.700 --> 18:49.940
doing it while you were talking. I'm like,

18:50.080 --> 18:52.381
oh yes. You know, and it just brings you

18:52.421 --> 18:53.982
back, right? Because we're constantly moving

18:54.002 --> 18:56.543
through life and we don't take the time to

18:56.663 --> 18:59.084
intentionally breathe. We're breathing because

18:59.144 --> 19:01.225
as we're alive, we're breathing, but we're

19:01.285 --> 19:03.806
not always intentionally breathing and that

19:03.866 --> 19:06.227
does make a difference. So that along with

19:06.307 --> 19:09.268
speaking to different stages of your life

19:10.535 --> 19:12.616
imagine you know I can imagine how powerful

19:12.656 --> 19:15.658
that is so you're in a different season now,

19:16.098 --> 19:17.799
how would you describe the work you're doing

19:17.819 --> 19:21.201
in this season and the kind of transformation

19:21.261 --> 19:24.022
women experience when they allow allow themselves

19:24.062 --> 19:25.143
to fully engage.

19:27.142 --> 19:30.204
The season I'm in, I am living my best life

19:30.264 --> 19:33.766
right now. I am living my best life. For

19:33.806 --> 19:36.087
those who know me, they don't ask, Victoria,

19:36.127 --> 19:37.668
how are you doing? They're like, where are

19:37.708 --> 19:41.271
you now? I am up and gone. I am liable to

19:41.311 --> 19:46.034
be anywhere in the world. I am really in

19:46.094 --> 19:51.737
a season where I've worked really hard to

19:51.777 --> 19:55.300
get here. I'm able to live anywhere, do anything.

19:55.320 --> 19:58.302
I own Avalon Executive Assistance, and that's

19:58.362 --> 20:00.324
a marketing and branding company. We'll take

20:00.384 --> 20:03.146
you and get your vision out there. We'll

20:03.246 --> 20:05.007
let your voice be heard, because that's what

20:05.047 --> 20:06.789
it's about, getting the voices out there,

20:07.109 --> 20:09.411
getting your vision out to the world. And

20:09.451 --> 20:12.013
then we make you visible, so that the world

20:12.053 --> 20:15.455
know you exist. That's what we do at my company,

20:15.555 --> 20:17.777
Avalon Executive Assistance. And right now,

20:18.317 --> 20:23.810
and that's assistants, A-N-T-S, And the season

20:23.870 --> 20:27.311
I'm in now is really one of reaching back.

20:28.852 --> 20:32.133
Reaching back and bringing others along the

20:32.173 --> 20:35.273
way. Whether I do that with speaking or whether

20:35.313 --> 20:38.334
I'll do that in podcasts or circles or however

20:38.474 --> 20:41.855
I can. And then of course I have the work

20:41.875 --> 20:44.816
that I do in inner child healing and trauma

20:44.856 --> 20:47.857
recovery. But yeah, girl, I'm living my life

20:47.937 --> 20:50.631
right now. I'm single. And I'm okay with

20:50.651 --> 20:54.055
that. Yeah, I'm okay with being single. You

20:54.095 --> 20:56.418
know, if he comes out of the sky, or however

20:56.438 --> 20:59.501
he gets to me, I'm open to it. But it's not

20:59.581 --> 21:02.104
something that I'm pushing because I am very,

21:03.546 --> 21:04.587
very happy right now.

21:05.140 --> 21:06.941
I love that. And so again, those that are

21:07.001 --> 21:09.642
watching or listening, it's okay to be single.

21:09.842 --> 21:13.024
It's okay to also, you know, want, um, and

21:13.064 --> 21:15.705
call in that love. So whatever you want,

21:16.025 --> 21:17.866
whatever stage you're in in your life, you

21:17.906 --> 21:19.787
know, that's beautiful. And so when we were

21:19.827 --> 21:22.268
talking before we said how, yes, when people

21:22.308 --> 21:23.669
like reach out to us, like, where are you

21:23.789 --> 21:26.350
at? They know to ask that because we both

21:26.390 --> 21:28.511
share that a love of travel. And as a matter

21:28.531 --> 21:30.352
of fact, I was headed to New York tomorrow.

21:30.832 --> 21:33.234
But I think I'm not because it's been snowing

21:33.315 --> 21:35.417
here in Detroit, and I don't even want to

21:35.457 --> 21:37.939
have to deal with all that because the flight

21:37.979 --> 21:40.401
is at 7 in the morning. So I probably won't

21:40.441 --> 21:44.625
go, but you know that there will be a flight

21:44.945 --> 21:49.818
soon. So now, when we talked before, did

21:49.838 --> 21:51.518
you tell me something about singing?

21:51.659 --> 21:53.219
Did you mention something about singing?

21:54.120 --> 21:58.081
Oh, yes. I am a healing artist. I have songs

21:58.722 --> 22:04.824
that I wrote, lyrics that I wrote, and they

22:04.844 --> 22:08.586
are anthems, powerful anthems for women who've

22:08.866 --> 22:11.507
ever been through anything. I have one song

22:11.527 --> 22:13.048
called Crush, and every time I play it for

22:13.068 --> 22:14.488
a woman, because it goes back, and one of

22:14.508 --> 22:20.056
the lines in the song is, I love the man

22:20.076 --> 22:24.219
I had. I love the man I thought I had, but

22:24.259 --> 22:27.380
not the one I really had. So you know how

22:27.460 --> 22:29.741
when we're in love, we see like through all

22:29.781 --> 22:34.644
these covers, you know? And the exact verse

22:34.744 --> 22:37.345
is, I love the man I thought I had, but not

22:37.385 --> 22:40.488
the man I had. It's called Crushed, seven

22:40.528 --> 22:43.850
years of tips and tricks. So basically, I

22:43.890 --> 22:45.792
put up with an alcoholic for seven years.

22:45.812 --> 22:48.274
That's just where I was in life. And that's

22:48.294 --> 22:50.536
where we find ourselves. But at the end,

22:50.596 --> 22:53.939
it says, I'm free. Crushed, not broken. And

22:53.979 --> 22:57.982
so I write songs. The record label is So

22:58.102 --> 23:02.606
Fire Studio Sanctuary. All my songs will

23:02.626 --> 23:05.428
be available on Apple and podcasts, and you

23:05.468 --> 23:06.489
will see them soon.

23:07.421 --> 23:09.563
Awesome, and yeah, well, definitely have

23:09.583 --> 23:12.465
that in the show notes. And so what you just

23:12.525 --> 23:15.026
said, I want to kind of go back to that.

23:15.086 --> 23:17.628
What you said is, it's where you were in

23:17.728 --> 23:20.730
life. And I want to raise that as in when

23:20.770 --> 23:23.952
we're dealing with stuff, it's not the other

23:23.992 --> 23:27.975
person, it's us. It's where we are in life.

23:28.035 --> 23:30.857
It's what we feel that we deserve, what we

23:30.897 --> 23:33.339
feel that we can handle at that particular

23:33.399 --> 23:33.779
time.

23:35.586 --> 23:39.288
Is that fully agree with that? You know,

23:39.548 --> 23:41.609
we all know the old saying is when we know

23:41.649 --> 23:43.830
better, we do better. But sometimes, but

23:43.910 --> 23:46.211
sometimes as women, we know better and still

23:46.251 --> 23:49.373
don't do better. Yeah. Right. Right. Because

23:49.873 --> 23:51.814
you know, I had mentioned before how I was

23:51.854 --> 23:53.675
seeking outside validation. I didn't think

23:53.715 --> 23:56.056
I was good enough. I felt I got what I deserved.

23:56.296 --> 23:56.536
Yeah.

23:56.717 --> 23:58.798
Yeah. You know, it was the healing process

23:58.838 --> 24:00.258
that I, you know, I was like, Whoa, wait

24:00.298 --> 24:03.440
a minute. I'm worth more than this. Yeah.

24:04.451 --> 24:06.711
So that's a fine, that's kind of a fine line.

24:06.751 --> 24:08.372
And I want to raise that up for the person

24:08.412 --> 24:10.652
who may say, but wait a minute, didn't you

24:10.692 --> 24:12.452
just say a little while ago that, you know,

24:12.492 --> 24:14.333
it wasn't your fault that blah, blah, blah.

24:14.693 --> 24:17.593
So how do we kind of like, how do we speak

24:17.613 --> 24:20.034
to that? Right. That let's just say today

24:20.114 --> 24:22.694
as adults, whatnot, we, you know, we're in

24:22.734 --> 24:25.015
relationships or we're in things that we

24:25.035 --> 24:28.575
kind of put ourself in. Right. And then also

24:28.815 --> 24:30.516
certain things were not our fault. So how

24:30.536 --> 24:32.778
do we, you know, balance that? Well, we were

24:32.798 --> 24:35.380
talking about two different issues, okay?

24:35.801 --> 24:40.645
We were talking about the child blaming themselves

24:40.725 --> 24:42.946
for the alcoholic parent or the immature

24:42.986 --> 24:47.710
parent. We were talking about, even if you're

24:47.730 --> 24:52.714
in, how do I, I gotta be real careful I'm

24:52.734 --> 24:57.615
gonna phrase this. Some people see women

24:58.275 --> 25:01.418
in abusive relationship and men in abusive

25:01.438 --> 25:03.199
relationships. And they're like, just get

25:03.399 --> 25:07.842
out, just get out. There's so many dynamics

25:08.643 --> 25:13.786
around that. And I don't believe in blaming

25:14.307 --> 25:17.709
the victim. You know what I mean? And there's

25:17.749 --> 25:20.671
a lot of reasons. It takes a lot of healing,

25:21.452 --> 25:25.984
a lot of support a lot of shifting to be

25:26.104 --> 25:30.547
able to really say, hey, this isn't working

25:30.587 --> 25:34.129
for me. I got to get out of here. And everyone's

25:34.249 --> 25:37.150
not at a place that they can do that. Right.

25:38.271 --> 25:40.332
And so I don't want to blame anyone that's

25:40.392 --> 25:43.054
in a situation, even if they know it's not

25:43.134 --> 25:45.375
good for them. But what I would like to do

25:45.815 --> 25:50.698
is encourage you to seek help to get out.

25:53.465 --> 25:56.066
So that's how I reconcile that. No, and I

25:56.086 --> 25:58.027
appreciate that, right? Because we are talking

25:58.047 --> 25:59.528
about different things. And I just wanted

25:59.568 --> 26:02.950
that to be clear since we're here. All right.

26:02.970 --> 26:05.571
So I want to shift now. So I mentioned earlier

26:05.631 --> 26:08.532
how I started a community for Black women

25:53.465 --> 26:12.094
50 and above. It's the Dream Lifestyle Collective.

26:12.854 --> 26:15.856
And it's community for us. It's our space.

26:15.876 --> 26:17.997
You talked about safe spaces. It's a safe

26:18.037 --> 26:20.258
space for us. It's a way for us to come together.

26:20.618 --> 26:23.699
to build together a collective for us to

26:23.799 --> 26:26.420
share and learn from one another and to build

26:26.500 --> 26:29.281
up one another. So what does it mean to you

26:29.401 --> 26:32.742
to be in a space like this at the stage of

26:32.922 --> 26:35.403
your life that you're in, not as the healer

26:35.483 --> 26:38.984
holding space, but as a woman being held

26:39.104 --> 26:39.864
in community?

26:40.885 --> 26:44.386
I tell you what, there is something so powerful

26:44.466 --> 26:49.219
about community. So, so powerful. I'm sorry,

26:49.259 --> 26:54.704
powerful about community. One thing too,

26:54.824 --> 26:58.788
when you get to a certain space, you understand

26:58.828 --> 27:05.294
that it's not me, me, me. I don't need to

27:05.334 --> 27:08.417
be a star. I want to be in the community.

27:09.625 --> 27:12.246
Where we're all coming together collectively,

27:12.387 --> 27:16.509
because I do believe together we rise. And

27:16.549 --> 27:19.090
that's why I think collectives are so important

27:19.611 --> 27:24.013
and to find like minded women that we can

27:24.053 --> 27:27.414
hold space for each other. you know, picking

27:27.474 --> 27:30.016
up the phone, you and I, you know, just chit

27:30.056 --> 27:33.837
chatting. And it is so uplifting. So the

27:33.877 --> 27:35.798
work that you're doing in the collective,

27:35.978 --> 27:40.880
I applaud it. I'm in. I'm in. I love it.

27:41.421 --> 27:41.921
I love it.

27:42.041 --> 27:44.782
I love it. I'm in. So now we're going to

27:44.942 --> 27:47.863
shift back to put your Hillen hat back on.

27:47.923 --> 27:50.465
So from your perspective, what happens in

27:50.505 --> 27:53.306
a woman's nervous system when she's finally

27:53.346 --> 27:55.467
in a space where she doesn't have to explain

27:55.507 --> 27:57.655
herself or perform strength?

28:01.596 --> 28:07.059
She finds joy. When we're able to release

28:07.219 --> 28:10.480
the negative emotions, the lower emotions,

28:10.560 --> 28:15.082
betrayal, anger, anxiety, when we're able,

28:15.102 --> 28:17.623
and I'm not talking about clinical anxiety

28:18.283 --> 28:21.485
here. When we're able to release those things,

28:22.338 --> 28:25.000
We can breathe. What happens? The cortisol

28:25.040 --> 28:28.723
levels go down. Our dopamine goes up. We

28:28.763 --> 28:31.505
become happier. We sleep better. A lot of

28:31.525 --> 28:33.947
the things that used to bother us no longer,

28:34.007 --> 28:37.610
like a lot of us, some people hold tension

28:37.650 --> 28:39.712
in their chest and their shoulders are always

28:39.752 --> 28:41.874
hurting. Some people, their neck is always

28:41.914 --> 28:44.876
hurting. Some people, if you have, I worked

28:44.896 --> 28:47.278
with a woman who had Lyme disease and it

28:47.318 --> 28:49.280
was just wrecking her body until we started

28:49.320 --> 28:52.102
working and she was able to, kind of release

28:52.563 --> 28:55.006
that energy. And now she doesn't have the

28:55.046 --> 28:58.109
flare up she was having. So once you can

28:58.189 --> 29:02.615
find peace, your body goes right along with

29:02.735 --> 29:02.775
it.

29:05.373 --> 29:06.894
Yeah. And you know what? That's interesting

29:06.914 --> 29:10.178
because I recently went to the dentist and

29:10.198 --> 29:11.619
they're like, do you grind your teeth? Or

29:11.679 --> 29:13.501
like you are grinding your teeth or whatever.

29:13.561 --> 29:15.743
But what I've noticed since then is that

29:15.903 --> 29:18.926
I do, I clench my teeth and I'm not quite

29:19.046 --> 29:22.904
sure what that's about just yet. I don't

29:22.944 --> 29:25.065
feel that I'm stressed. I do feel like, you

29:25.105 --> 29:27.187
know, I am living my dream life. I'm loving

29:27.227 --> 29:29.548
life, but you know, I'm going to have to

29:29.608 --> 29:32.170
get to the root of what's causing me to do

29:32.210 --> 29:35.252
that. But yeah, as you were talking, so there

29:35.292 --> 29:37.874
are some physical things that are, that happen

29:37.914 --> 29:40.435
in our lives that are like kind of cues and

29:40.455 --> 29:42.117
letting you know, okay, maybe look at that

29:42.157 --> 29:45.639
a little bit closer as to what could possibly

29:45.699 --> 29:48.281
be triggering or causing you to do certain

29:48.321 --> 29:52.693
things. So yes, it's physical, right? some

29:52.733 --> 29:55.215
stress, whatever, when it manifests physically,

29:55.895 --> 29:58.396
it's time, it's really time to go ahead and

29:58.716 --> 30:00.337
take notice and do something about that.

30:00.898 --> 30:02.558
Yeah, so we're all different. For me, it's

30:02.599 --> 30:04.820
my stomach. If my stomach, I know something's

30:04.840 --> 30:07.101
going on up here and I gotta face it.

30:07.526 --> 30:11.668
Yeah, yeah. OK, so I want to zoom out for

30:11.708 --> 30:14.029
a moment. Do you believe there's a chapter

30:14.069 --> 30:16.691
of a woman's life, especially after years

30:16.771 --> 30:20.413
of caregiving, leadership, or survival, that

30:20.493 --> 30:23.454
society hasn't fully named or honored yet?

30:24.075 --> 30:26.456
And if so, how would you describe that chapter?

30:28.637 --> 30:31.018
Absolutely. I will describe that chapter

30:31.099 --> 30:34.375
as her time. It's her time. It's her time

30:34.415 --> 30:37.279
to be whom she wants to be, to honor herself.

30:38.460 --> 30:41.644
It's up to her how she wants to live that

30:41.684 --> 30:44.888
life. Again, let's go back to where our validation

30:44.928 --> 30:49.121
comes from. Society tells us one thing, but

30:49.161 --> 30:51.281
what do we feel about ourselves? That's what

30:51.361 --> 30:53.682
really matters. And I'm not talking arrogance.

30:53.722 --> 30:56.903
I'm not talking ego here. I'm talking your

30:56.963 --> 31:00.164
validation comes from you. Doesn't matter.

31:00.524 --> 31:02.465
Society is always gonna be society. They're

31:02.485 --> 31:05.705
always gonna say, you know, finally we embrace

31:05.765 --> 31:08.646
our gray. Think about it, 10 years ago, we

31:08.686 --> 31:11.567
weren't embracing gray. Right, no. Right,

31:11.627 --> 31:13.548
we were dying and we were talking and we

31:13.588 --> 31:19.669
were talking. We were doing everything. So,

31:20.129 --> 31:22.430
after the caregiving, you know, somebody

31:22.530 --> 31:24.251
asked me so I say no my kids are grown I'm

31:24.271 --> 31:28.912
gone. Right. If that's when we can fully

31:28.992 --> 31:31.653
step into our own. Yes, that's when we can

31:31.813 --> 31:36.657
slow down. And then sometimes though, when

31:36.697 --> 31:39.740
we get there, we're a little lost because

31:39.800 --> 31:44.064
we spent so many years pouring from our cup

31:44.104 --> 31:47.867
and not our saucer. And we don't know what

31:47.927 --> 31:51.410
to do at that time. And I think that's probably

31:51.470 --> 31:54.893
the hardest part. It's like, who am I? If

31:54.973 --> 31:59.016
I'm not Stella's mom, or if I'm not Bill's

31:59.096 --> 32:03.135
wife, now what's left for me? And I would

32:03.155 --> 32:05.820
like to say to the sisters that are listening,

32:06.762 --> 32:10.867
life has been waiting on you. Yes. to live.

32:10.947 --> 32:13.648
We talked about travel. You can't travel.

32:13.708 --> 32:17.510
That's okay. Find a hobby. You get to choose.

32:18.270 --> 32:20.311
And what society says and what society is

32:20.351 --> 32:23.152
gonna do, they're just gonna do. Ageism,

32:23.392 --> 32:26.113
it's real. It's alive. Yes, it's true. If

32:26.693 --> 32:28.694
you're over 50 and you're trying to get back

32:28.754 --> 32:32.035
in a workforce, good luck. That's why I love

32:32.195 --> 32:34.276
Avalon. What we do there is because you don't

32:34.316 --> 32:36.357
need the workforce. We're gonna create you

32:36.837 --> 32:39.938
your own business. Absolutely. Stop working

32:39.958 --> 32:41.899
for somebody else. You spent all these years

32:41.959 --> 32:44.220
working for somebody else. It's time for

32:44.260 --> 32:46.640
you to do your own thing and get paid for

32:46.740 --> 32:46.800
it.

32:46.920 --> 32:49.801
That's right. Bring that expertise and let

32:49.841 --> 32:51.682
it be something you do. And that's, again,

32:51.722 --> 32:53.062
some things that we're going to get into

32:53.202 --> 32:55.443
in the collective. So absolutely. So here's

32:55.483 --> 32:57.544
something new that I want to throw out to

32:57.584 --> 33:00.226
you. There's something I do every year, but

33:00.266 --> 33:01.947
I haven't seen posts about it. So that's

33:02.007 --> 33:04.929
why I added it into this conversation. So

33:04.989 --> 33:07.330
when we look ahead, right, and ahead is in,

33:07.430 --> 33:11.612
what, two plus days to 2026, what's your

33:11.792 --> 33:13.914
one word that will guide you through the

33:13.954 --> 33:14.114
year?

33:15.455 --> 33:17.016
You know, I thought about that because every

33:17.056 --> 33:19.458
year I have a word. Yeah. And the thing I

33:19.518 --> 33:21.800
love about my word every year is when I look

33:21.840 --> 33:24.062
back on those words, that's how every word

33:24.142 --> 33:31.009
I have every year builds. Mm-hmm. It builds

33:31.089 --> 33:32.631
on the next year. Yes.

33:33.011 --> 33:33.291
Yes.

33:33.411 --> 33:37.295
And so this year, and I think it's a word

33:37.315 --> 33:39.016
that I've been really working towards, it's

33:39.056 --> 33:41.999
just freedom. OK. It's my word, freedom.

33:42.719 --> 33:44.841
OK. I love it. I love it. You know, absolutely.

33:44.861 --> 33:48.284
So my word in 2022 was live. And then it

33:48.344 --> 33:50.286
became live a dream lifestyle, which, you

33:50.306 --> 33:53.929
know, is my brand. Right. So it became my

33:54.009 --> 33:56.611
way of living. It also became my brand. And

33:56.651 --> 33:59.476
then for this year, my word is unprecedented.

33:59.997 --> 34:02.100
And so I think we're going to move it into

34:02.220 --> 34:04.324
expectancy for 2026 with the underlying so.

34:07.546 --> 34:09.728
That's where I'm at right now. And I want

34:09.768 --> 34:11.950
to invite those who are watching or listening

34:12.190 --> 34:14.231
to think about it. Think of your word for

33:42.719 --> 34:17.614
2026, how you want your life to be, how you

34:17.654 --> 34:21.077
want it to present for you. It's like you

34:21.137 --> 34:23.519
say that word and then you live into that

34:23.579 --> 34:26.661
word. That's what I want to invite all of

34:26.701 --> 34:30.424
you as we count down to 2026 to start thinking

34:30.464 --> 34:32.345
about your word and then declare it, say

34:32.405 --> 34:38.914
it so. So as we close, and for everyone listening,

34:39.914 --> 34:42.557
again, I want to invite you to sit with that

34:42.617 --> 34:45.139
question for yourself. Think about it. You

34:45.179 --> 34:46.780
don't have to come up with a word today.

34:46.860 --> 34:48.602
If you do, you do, right? Because sometimes

34:48.642 --> 34:50.743
it just hits you. But just notice what's

34:50.803 --> 34:53.526
pulling at you, what's really resonating

34:53.566 --> 35:25.781
with you, and again, how you want your 2026

34:55.587 --> 34:59.100
to look. And Victoria, I wanna thank you

34:59.120 --> 35:01.242
so much for your wisdom, your honesty, your

35:01.302 --> 35:03.564
presence, for coming back, right? Because

35:03.584 --> 35:06.005
this is your second time. And again, for

35:06.065 --> 35:08.147
saying yes to the collective because we're

35:08.167 --> 35:10.309
gonna do some great things. You mentioned

35:10.329 --> 35:12.791
the circles, that's what's coming up in January

35:12.971 --> 35:14.792
and you're guiding one of those. So again,

35:14.832 --> 35:20.016
I thank you. And before we say goodbye and

35:20.056 --> 35:22.358
we're saying goodbye to 2025, what would

35:22.378 --> 35:25.020
you like to leave those who are watching

35:25.060 --> 35:25.781
or listening with?

35:27.157 --> 35:30.643
Yes, the thing that I leave all conversations

35:30.703 --> 35:35.110
with is, I see you, you matter, and you are

35:35.130 --> 35:40.627
enough. and you can reach me at justaskvictoria.com,

35:40.988 --> 35:44.250
victoria at justaskvictoria.com. You can

35:44.310 --> 35:46.672
find me on Instagram, you can find me on

35:46.873 --> 35:50.395
Facebook at victoriafinch22. I am easy to

35:50.436 --> 35:51.977
find, just ask Victoria.

35:52.297 --> 35:54.539
Just ask Victoria. You have a question, just

35:54.779 --> 35:57.221
ask Victoria. Well, Victoria, again, thank

35:57.261 --> 36:00.124
you so much. Happy New Year to you, to those

36:00.184 --> 36:02.285
who are watching or listening, and until

36:02.325 --> 36:02.846
next time.