Sacred Energy Exchange: Embracing Your Feminine Power with Veronica Lynn Clark

Deneen L. Garrett: 00:02 00:12 This week's guest is author, speaker, coach, Veronica Clark, the love coach. Veronica, tell us more about you.
Veronica Lynn Clark: 00:12 01:15 My gosh, well, I am my life reinvention strategist and I am an intimacy expert. I really help people to fall in love with themselves and really to rewrite their stories and pick themselves up to whole new levels by reimagining who they can be. I help people to reconnect to their hope and their dreams. That's, that's me. That's, that's what I do. But of course, who I am in general is there's so much, you know, I'm somebody who is a lover of life. I'm a student of life. I'm a woman who really values integrity and showing up to play in life so that we can, so that I can experience the best of it. I firmly believe that the rest of my life gets to be the best of my life every single day.

Deneen L. Garrett: 01:15 01:28 Yeah. I'm with you on that. Definitely. So tell us a little bit more about what a life reinvention strategist is and your experience as an intimacy expert.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 01:28 03:09 Yeah. So, you know, I kind of alluded to it a moment ago, but you know, a lot of the times when I work with people, I work with, with people from all different backgrounds and people with a lot of different life experiences, people who've had success and they've experienced failures. Um, and more than anything, they've reached a point in their life where They know that what they've been doing is not working to fulfill them. And they may be doing really well in certain areas, like usually doing well financially or doing well on the public front, but behind the scenes, they don't feel good. They don't love their life. Their relationships are struggling. They're lacking in some way because they're not connected to their fire and to their power and to their light. So I help people to reinvent themselves and to really recognize like all of the gifts of their struggle and of their breakdowns and of all the pain and all the traumas and all the things that they went through. We use all of the gold from that to help them to reinvent their life. So that's, that's kind of what I do in a nutshell. I mean, it sounds, you know, it's just basically helping people when they have had breakdowns to really have massive breakthroughs. Massive breakers.

Deneen L. Garrett: 03:09 03:56 And I like this gifts of their struggle because, you know, I talk to people often and, you know, they're doing these great things and I'm asking, well, how did you get to that point? And there's a lot of trauma, right? There's a lot of past trauma that a person has gone through to get to this particular point. So for you to say the gifts of their struggle, the gifts of their trauma is something to really highlight, right? Because we've had experiences We've gone through things and a great way to handle them or, you know, what to do with them is use them for your good. Use them for yourself. Stand on them. Use them to help other people. Turn that, you know, like you say, turn that test into a testimony.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 03:57 06:22 Yeah. You know, the trouble is though, that most people are ashamed of their trauma. You know, they're ashamed of the things that they went through. And so it like depends usually more, let's say people who are more focused on, you know, their growth and their development and in their life. And they want to kind of like get past their traumas. by not looking at them, they are the ones that typically are like, they're reluctant to look at the past, right? So there could be a lot of judgment. There could be a lot of shame and so forth there. So one of their strategies is just don't look at it, bury it, and then just keep going. And that's the way that a lot of people deal with it. And they can do that for a while. They can do it for a long while. I did that for a while. And I got really far you know, to a degree, because I didn't look at my trauma. But then when we don't do that, the trauma never goes away. It never, never, never just goes away by itself, right? It eventually will break through the foundation that we have created to cover it up. And, and so that's when, that's when I really have to, you know, that's when I help people to say, listen, the thing that you've been so afraid to look at, it's, it's, it's like, it's terrible that those things happened and let's go in and find the gifts from that trauma and the strength that you gained and the skills that you were able to, you know, garner as a result of some of those things. And then we get to find a way to make peace with and to resolve the other stuff, you know, related to the trauma, the things that happened. But the thing is this, is that if we can't accept the things that have happened to us in our lives. And that is going to continue to influence every single relationship in our life. Every one of them from our work relationships, from the ways that we see other women, from the ways that we interact with our children or our partners. So that's where the intimacy part comes in is that you have to learn how to fall in love with yourself in order to heal.

Deneen L. Garrett: 06:25 08:17 Yes. Yes, yes, to all of this. And so like my, my last several interviews, we've kind of been talking about this thing, right. And so for me, and I've been vulnerable in these conversations. So for me, I lost my dad when I was 12. And it wasn't just that I lost him, but he was missing for like almost a year right so we didn't know we had no clue what was going on where he was where he was so imagine a 12 year old right girl. Not knowing right this experience and so. Years later, becoming an adult, after some point, I'm like, you know what? That loss impacted my relationships. So what I did with loss, and when I lost my dad, I remember being at the wait, if you will, the family hour. And folks come in to check on me, like, are you OK? I'm like, yeah, I'm good. I compartmentalized things. I just put it on a shelf and just kept it moving. And so like you're saying, it still comes back and it did come back later in life in relationships. And initially I thought it was just relationships with men. And but no, to your point, it was relationships in general. And so now I'm I'm at the point to where, as you know, what having a relationship is very important to me, having a partner, you know, someone to share my life with. That's something that I want right now. So I've refocused and I'm being more intentional, I'm being more aware. And so now I'm starting to see men see me. Like I wasn't seeing it before. So now I'm starting to see it. So yes to everything you're saying. And yes, so let's get into this love coaching thing and your book to be aligned, getting clear on your higher purpose. Yes.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 08:19 11:12 Um, yes, let's definitely do that. And I want to, I just want to honor and recognize your share because that's a, that's a really traumatic thing and really confusing and difficult thing for a 12 year old to go through. So, um, I really celebrate you for being able to acknowledge how that, uh, how that affected you on so many different levels and how it's playing out in your relationships and your choices. And that's, um, I think, you know, that's when we start really winning because we're like, Oh, this is the thing that's been blocking me. I had no idea. You know, I thought I dealt with it, but this is the, this is, this has been the other. You know, person in the bed with us or the other energy in the bed or in the, you know, in the, in the conversation. So I just, I really celebrate you for that. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but this is what I do. I love coaching is love coaching is so multifaceted, like the greatest love affair that we can ever hope to embark upon is the love affair with ourselves. That is it. Like that is the number one relationship. That's the best relationship ever. And, um, And so that's, that's what I coach people on. You know, I work with women. I work, you know, like women by themselves, whether they're in a relationship or they're seeking relationships. Um, I work with men also who, you know, believe me, there's a lot of men who are out there still trying to work on boundaries and trying to like really level up in different ways. So I work with men. Um, and then I also work with couples. So I get to work with all sides of, you know, like relationships and, um, and it all comes back down to, you know, love is about self-worth, how we see ourselves, how we love ourselves. And then those practices of like, how do I love myself even better? So I can open myself up to experiencing romantic love or, you know, any kind of love for that matter. So, um, that's really what I do with my, with my coaching and my book, you know, I wanted to create a framework that could help people who have gone through breakdowns and who are like, just Like it's all life is just all jacked up. Like I thought I had it together. And now I realized that I really didn't have it together. Where do I start and how do I pick up the pieces? Well, that's what my book is about to be aligned. Getting clear on your higher purpose is really about learning how to pick the pieces back up and to do it in a way that is loving and kind to yourself so that you can really set yourself up to win and be in your purpose on purpose.

Deneen L. Garrett: 11:14 11:54 Yes, yes. And so, you know, you were talking about, you know, working with people that are no longer either not fulfilled or no longer fulfilled, which is part of the purpose or, you know, the vision behind women of color and intimate conversation. It's about empowering women of color and elevating their voices. So when you think about the work that you do, whether it's life, and probably leaning more so towards the life rein, reinvention strategies, but What three actions can women of color take to tap into their power in voice, and especially in their love relationships.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 11:54 19:15 That's a really good question. Yeah, because, you know, with women of color. Wow, it's such a so beautiful so many beautiful rays of spectacular beauty. And sometimes we. Yeah, we don't prioritize ourselves and. And that's because we've been really taught. to give so much to others and in a lot of different ways. And to have to, you know, probably put more effort in at the workplace and to have to like always be on. And, you know, there's so many things that go into the way that we love and the way that we show up. And so, you know, I would say that we really women of color, we need to prioritize our heart, prioritize the conversations with our own heart and to really tune in moment to moment. What do I need right now to be the best version of myself? What do I need right now to make sure that my cup is filled so that I can, so, you know, that I can give to others from my overflowing cup. And, you know, so what that looks like is going to be very different for everybody. And, you know, we all have such unique needs. And so it's, it's to tune in with a lot of curiosity and the belief that when we do tune in to our hearts in that way, that we are aligning, you know, with our, with our higher, with our higher purpose, with our, with our higher self to get the guidance. And we, we don't have to be so stressed because we were just trying to figure everything out from, from our mind, which is oftentimes also more of our masculine energy. And I'd say for, And everything that I'm saying, I'm speaking in general terms. This doesn't necessarily apply to every woman of color or women. But in general, specifically women who are professional and they're in the workplace, they're very masculine oriented. And that means, you know, I got to get stuff done, I got to stay focused, I'm running a business, or I'm a high level leader, executive, you know, I'm doing these things very task oriented. And, and so that means then that we are not making a lot of time for our softness, for our feminine to really flow. And when we don't allow that, we bring a lot of extra stress to ourselves. We are putting a lot of pressure, not only on our mental health, but also on our physical health, our emotional wellbeing is compromised. And so women, you're listening to this, I really wanna invite you to surrender into your softness and know that that doesn't mean that you're weak. And know that, That it doesn't mean that you're going to be taken advantage of or that you're going to be taken for granted or you're not worthy. You know, being in your feminine means that you, you have safe boundaries around you so that you can relax more into your ease and that you, everything doesn't have to be hard or you don't have to work hard. to get things done. And I think that's probably one of the biggest mind set shifts that I can encourage anybody to do any woman is to just be more in her softness. And I want to just, I want to give a little bit of context about what that would look like. Okay. So practicing really being in our feminine energy, is being soft in all the ways that we possibly can. When we're at home, when we're driving our car, when we're at the grocery store, there's a way in which we can flow through life and with life without having to be tasked. Like we can still get tasks completed, but the energy behind the way that we're doing the task is in more ease and more softness. So if you're washing the dishes. Be mindful of the way you're washing the dishes. How are you holding it? Are you rushing through it? Are you doing it hard? Is your jaw locked? Do you have a frown or a scowl on your face? Be soft. Relax yourself. Relax your jaw. Let your body be open. Your jaw is also connected to your pelvic floor, so you want to relax that. When you start to learn how to relax that, your juices flow out even more. You become more your sexual energy starts to become more like a beautiful perfume. And now that can sound scary for people who may have some like sexual trauma, or some trauma around their sexuality, which is, which again, is a lot of times could Resort us to going into our masculine, you know, especially in the workplace, sexual harassment, those kinds of things like that. But when I'm talking about your sexual energy, I'm really talking about your creative life force energy, and it's all connected to the area of your sexual reproductive organs. and you know, your, your vagina, right? So when you are doing things that are more relaxed, your jaws relaxed, your body learns that it can relax too. And when you start to do that, you actually start to change your whole cellular makeup, right? You're releasing stress. You get to, you know, have more more play, more ease running through you. So just to kind of tie a bow on that, be mindful of the way you're moving through your life. And when you catch yourself in the mundane, activities like holding a steering column or how you hold your phone, how you open and close the cabinets, how you put your clothes on, or how you put your lotion on your body, or even when you're showering and bathe yourself, relax into it. Make love to yourself in the process of why you're doing these things. Feel like you're engaging, you know, with the dish or with the cabinet or with the steering column, with a sense of gratitude and appreciation.

Deneen L. Garrett: 19:15 20:33 That's beautiful, especially the emphasis around the softness, right? You mentioned task and those things. And I'm like, oh, yeah, task, that's me, because I'm definitely I have been that task oriented person. Let's get these things done. And, you know, I enjoy that. But even as you were talking about, you know, while you're doing washing dishes, you know, how's your face? How's your, you know, you're gritting your teeth type thing. And I'm like sitting here kind of like doing that. So, yes, definitely, you know, getting in tune with my softness is something that would take practice, right? As many of us right especially as black women taking that practice. So you've talked a lot about, you know, plan and live you mentioned things, the work that you do with people who are either not fulfilled no longer fulfilled and finding gifts and struggles and learning to fall in love with Often as Black women and other women of color, which you kind of talked about, we do a lot and even too much. And we don't always prioritize self-care, right, ourselves and self-care. So I just took a pause in a way of a two-month social media break. Talk to us a little bit more about the importance of taking time for ourselves and the power in the pause.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 20:34 24:24 No, I love that power in the past, there's so much power in the pause. I like to also say in those like in between spaces right there in between the breath is just this like really letting go falling into the middle. We've got to stop doing too much. And we've got to start to ask ourselves, why do I feel compelled to do too much or to do a lot? Why? What is the driving, motivating force behind that? What am I trying to prove? What part of me feels like it needs this external validation of, of my worth or of my credibility or whatever that is, we've got to ask ourselves, why are we doing too much? And then we have to realize that we don't have to keep playing that game, that we get to choose to do something different and know that there are many different ways to get to the end result, the thing that we desire. You know, and so if I think I have to do something in this way, I think I have to show up and be, you know, just over give, I have to over, it could be in our relationships, it could be in our work, it could be in our business. You know, like the queen doesn't give too much. When we think about archetypes, the queen archetype, She is not over giving. We don't have to over give nature doesn't over give nature gives in accordance to what it needs to but it doesn't have to over produce and it doesn't under produce. I'm saying in general, right, we've got to find our way back to our natural state of ease, and that is going to take time and it's going to take practice. But we are worth that. And we need to know that we throw ourselves out of balance when we're doing that. Sometimes we might over give in relationships or we do a whole lot because we really are hoping that our partner will take a beat and do the same thing for us. We were doing to them doing on to them what we want them to do for us and we we've been taught that right do on to others as you would have them do on to you but guess what that doesn't always work. It just doesn't. And that, and that's what I'm saying. We have to, you have to change the game. You got to know that's not, that's not what the game we're playing anymore. And so when you start to love yourself more and you say, you know what, I'm not going to empty myself out. I'm not going to drive my car into the ground before I go and get some gas. I'm not going to deplete myself so much that now I'm empty and I can barely maintain and keep up. And now I got to, you know, do whatever I got to do just to get up the next day. Like we can't do that. We cannot do that. We can't afford to do that anymore. Absolutely. You know? And so, so we got to, like I said, you got to question, why am I doing that in the first place? And then stop it and know that you don't have to keep doing it. You know, I, I just mentioned about the self care earlier and kind of like prioritizing more of just the energy. But yeah, you know, prioritize your self care, but do it because you're like, not just checking a box or going through the motions, but you're like, thank you for this body. Thank you for life. You know, wow, I get to take care of myself.

Deneen L. Garrett: 24:25 25:29 that part I need to, right? And then to lean into that, like me, like things that require a lot of my time and attention, it just drives, I'm like, no, I just can't. Like, I'm not gonna do it. You know, I joined like a couple of different memberships and, you know, of course, you know, they want you to introduce yourself and do this and do that. And I haven't because I'm not ready to give my energy to that. Right. Um, and so, and some in one of them I was like you know what I think I'm going to go ahead and, you know, pull myself out of that because I'm not trying to constantly be on, I'm not trying to constantly. I'm really trying to, that power in the pause, I want that really to be part of my dream life, right? My lifestyle. So pausing often, like I'm in a state of pause, right? I'm in a state of ease that you mentioned. That's just where I'm at, where my head is. So I honor my late sister, author and poet, Soul True, by asking about Dreams Deferred, which is the title of one of her books. Please share a Dreams Deferred moment.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 25:33 28:07 Okay. This is the person, you know, I really wanted to be an actress when I was younger. I wanted to be a singer, a dancer, an actress. And, you know, I, life happened and I had five beautiful children. Nice. I also became, you know, a single mother and so was very much in my masculine. And I just, you know, I just had to do what I had to do, you know, to raise my children and, you know, provide for us. And, and so some of the things like my joy, the things that I really wanted to do, um, yeah, I guess the other thing I would add to being a singer and actress to dancer was also to be a writer. I always knew I wanted to write a book or books. And until I kind of, um, I didn't realize it until I until I started to really coach people that I had let go of some of my dreams. And so in one of those dreams was again to become an actress and so in 2020 I decided I was going to become an actress and I get to do that now and so I've get to be in some commercials and I've done some some billboards here and in the Phoenix metro area and some national magazines and international, yeah, project. So it's really, it's really been beautiful. And then, you know, again, pursued my, my desire to, to, I've been published before, but to write my own book. And now I actually have two books, I didn't tell you that I just wrote another book. And, and that's called sacred energy exchange, which is about sex boss, be the you know, being the operant power in your own life. And that really talks a lot about what I'm talking about with regards to sexuality and being in your feminine. So everybody listening to this podcast should get that book and to be aligned. But that was really one of my dreams deferred was like, no, you know what? It took, it was a big aha moment to realize that I had been putting my dreams on the back burner. And then to say, I have the audacity to say yes to me and go put it out there that this is what I want. And the doors truly, they just opened.

Deneen L. Garrett: 28:07 28:09 And that's a beautiful thing, right?

Veronica Lynn Clark: 28:09 28:55 It's like, it's that easy. I mean, I say that in jest, but it's like, yeah, we have to align our intention with our desire and make it happen and believe that it's going to happen. Those doors start to open up. We've got to put some action behind our desire and our intention, but we really have to know that it's possible for us. And I'm going to tell you something, that knowing that it's possible, knowing something is possible for us is also connected to self-worth and self-love. All of those things are deeply connected. So the more that you love yourself, the more you believe yourself, the more that you believe things are possible, the more that your dreams come true.

Deneen L. Garrett: 28:55 29:37 Absolutely. And so I empower women of color to live a dream lifestyle. That's something that I got intentional about last year. So January of last year, I decided this is my focus to live a dream lifestyle. And of course, it means something differently for different people, right? So I do work with women to help them to live a dream lifestyle, you know, have a whole little system as to, you know, things that you can do and work with them to get there. So what is a dream lifestyle to you and how are you living your dream life? So we already know, you just shared that a dreams deferred was acting and writing, you know, in both you're doing and you've done. So how else are you living a dream life? And again, how do you define it?

Veronica Lynn Clark: 29:38 32:00 Yeah. So for me, living my dream life is letting my gifts, like putting my gifts to use and letting those gifts bring in my, my wealth and my income and my, like my joy. I get to create every single day. I get to create courses. I teach people. I travel around the world. I get to teach people about their sexuality or about their life, their relationships. So for me, I'm living my dream life and it's just getting better. Like everything that I do is what I want to do. I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I get to speak and travel, like every single thing that I am doing is all connected to my innate purpose and message. And it's incredible. So I get to, yeah, sprinkle and play I'm like this is what I get to do I get to work out I get to, you know, do essentially whatever it is that I desire to do, and spend time with people you know I'm not locked into. a job. I was, I was for 15 years, I worked in the corporate world and, and I, you know, it was incredible. I got so many different skills and things like that, but that really just gave me some of the foundation that I needed so that I, I could live this dream life for myself. And the next level is to really build A legacy that extends seven to 10 generations beyond me, and that is one of the biggest things for me is I really think just beyond even my children, but like what are my you know how am I going to influence my. great, great, great, great, great grandchildren's life. What am I going to do today? What seed am I planting today that is going to, you know, flourish and be more full grown, you know, by the time that generation rolls around. So that is, that's the next level for my dream life.

Deneen L. Garrett: 32:00 32:14 Yeah, absolutely. And requiring lots of intentionality, right? To do generations down. So Yeah. So before we wrap, what would you like to leave the audience with?

Veronica Lynn Clark: 32:14 35:13 I would say, everyone listening, a couple of things, and it has to do with water, both have to do with water. One, To cultivate your feminine, go and spend some time in the bathtub, go swim, go do beautiful things in the water. Water is so nourishing and replenishing, and it is the feminine element. And, and so when you go, you light some candles, you know, put some organic bubble bath in the, in the bathtub and play and luxuriate and feel good. Rub your hands on your body, put some oil on and just rub it on your breast in the most loving way and on your belly and on your hips and your legs and your thighs and just cherish yourself. If you're going to go swimming, go play like you're a mermaid. Just go down to the bottom, play, go and play with abandon. And now the last part that I will say is go get in a cold plunge, a cold plunge. I think everybody should really practice being in the cold plunges or in an ice bath, because that is going to help you to build your capacity for staying with uncomfortable things. And when I go into the cold plunge and it's cold, sometimes, you know, it could be anywhere between 35 and 50 degrees and you submerge your body in it. And I go all the way up to, you know, the base of my, the base of my skull and the back of my head. So that the occipital bone is also covered. And I think. This, this cold represents the challenge that it's going to take for me to be able to leave a legacy for seven to 10 generations. And am I willing to do what it takes to make that happen. And then I get to be in that cold water. And my practice is to relax into it and to relax my jaw and to relax my hands and to just let go and just totally surrender. And it's a practice. And the more that I do that, the stronger that I get from the inside, my mind still stays nice and nimble and my capacity for greatness and for staying with challenge continues to increase. And so I wish that experience for all of you that can benefit you and help to grow you into your next level.

Deneen L. Garrett: 35:13 35:38 Well, Veronica Lynn Clark, thank you so much for lending your voice on an intimate on women of color and intimate conversation. I have enjoyed this conversation. I have Definitely written some notes, learning to fall in love with self, which is definitely a journey that I'm on. So I'm glad that we talked a lot around that. And thank you and enjoy the rest of your day.

Veronica Lynn Clark: 35:38 35:43 Thank you so much. Thanks for having me on. Take care, everybody. Bye.