Eva Kennedy: How to Remember Who You Are | WOC Live — The Reclamation Series

We spend so much energy becoming who everyone else needs us to be. But what happens when it's time to remember who you were before the world got its hands on you? Today we find out. Let's go. [music]

Welcome to Women of Color in Intimate Conversation. I'm Denino Garrett, the creator and host of this top 5% podcast. We center and empower women of color. We also have a free newsletter built specifically for black women 50 plus, the Dream Lifestyle Collective. get started at deninogarrett.com. So, I want to shout out our produ production team at the Leon Thomas Group and specifically Orin Stewart Senior who keeps us going every week. So, today's guest is Eva Kennedy, a Chicago based empowerment speaker, author of Just Leap and Inspirations for the Soul, and founder of the Power Summit. Eva is the creator of Remember Who You Are, a transformational experience helping women reconnect with their identity, purpose, and power during life and leadership transitions. This month, we carry the Spirit of Reclamation series into November. And Eva's work is a master class in what it takes to stop performing for everyone else and come back to yourself. Eva Kennedy, welcome to Women of Color. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here and congratulations to you for all the beautiful work that you're doing. I truly appreciate you. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate you as well in your flexibility because you were supposed to kick off this reclamation series. You were supposed to be the first guest of the month. Now, we know we've talked about it. those who have been, you know, watching, following along, you know, had tech issues, ended up having to get a new uh Mac. Um, and and I accepted that as it's preparing me to level up. So, that's how I looked at that whole thing. It was like, you know what, girl, you know, the God God and the universe is taking you to another level, so you need to have equipment that um can keep up with you. Yes. [laughter] Yes. Well, you know what? It's all about perspective. So that's that's a great positive perspective, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. And so we were talking um before and so you mentioned the east coast. So where on the east coast are you from? Actually I was born in South Carolina. Okay. I grew up in Boston. My mom moved to Boston when I was a little girl and that's where I grew up. And I moved to Chicago uh relocation with my company in 1995. Okay. And I've been here ever since. Okay. Yeah, I've spent a lot of time in Chicago. I actually was in Boston um a few months ago. Um so, yeah. All right. Cool. Cool. Cool. So, I'm going to listen for that Boston accent to see if it comes out at all during our conversation. No, it won't. And people say that to me all the time. It's a flat accent. It's a combination of a southern little little twang there and the east coast. So, it I really don't have an accent, I don't think. Okay. Well, we look, we're gonna test it out. All right, let's talk. Let's talk. Let's go. Let's Let's see. Let's check it out. All right. So, Eva, remember who you are is more than a program name. It's a directive. What made you realize how many women had lost touch with their own identity? Wow. You know, I always say God has some serious explaining to do. Um, it was part of my own experience along with the women that I coach. I recognize that so many of us are trying to become someone new when in essence all we have to do is just remember who you are. It's been part of my journey as well. Yeah. No, I love that. Absolutely. Remember who you are. Remember that it is a journey and it's a continuum, right? So, it's like you you don't leave yourself, you just become a different version of yourself. Exactly. As we grow and evolve, we tend to take on what everybody else has put on us, right? And as a result, we just become disconnected with the essence of who we truly are. Yeah. No, absolutely. And you know, and this picks up perfectly from last week's um from a few weeks ago conversation where we kind of talked about that and we talked about how um it was with uh Supri Gouta and she talked about how she's working with women to you know get in touch with themselves and whatnot and how and she's a Southeast um [clears throat] Asian so Indian and um you know talking about the change and the shift and going away from you Not even knowing what you want to eat, right? Cuz you're so concerned about what everybody else wants to eat that you forget what you want to eat, your identity, what you like. Do you find that in the work that you're doing? Oh, most definitely. We have become um creatures of habit. Number one, we're we we're programmed to to the extent that we don't even recognize it. We say and do things that we are not even consciously aware of what we're doing because it's become a habit. It's routine. But then we get to that point in our lives. So many of us, we get to that point in our lives where we recognize that we're not fulfilled, right? We [clears throat] recognize that something's going on internally and most of us can't identify what it is that's happening internally. Yeah. And you know what, and that just reminds me, so when I retired, so I retired in June of 2022, and I said at that time that, you know, I want to focus on empowering women to um start living their dream lives. Like whatever it is, like define what that is and start living it. like you don't have to retire, but just tap into whatever brings you joy and and focus on that. Bring more of that into your life, right? Because of what you just said. Like, why do we wait until we're a certain age and now we want to like figure out who we are? Like, oh my god, you know, who am I? Like, we should know who we are from the beginning, right? And we should stay in touch with who we are. And so I want more women to get to know who they are sooner rather than later because you know later is not promised, right? But here's the thing though, the way life is in the way we've lived um we do things out of habit and again what people have placed on us. So we we we come into this world as a baby, right? we have value as a child and then we start um taking on all these titles and expectations that our parents society place on us. So they say go to school, get an education for women, get married, focus on a career. So we are growing and living out of what other people have defined how our lives should be and then we get to a certain point as we age and mature we recognize there's a disconnect here who am I right so when I take away the titles that my parents or society community the church has placed on me who is Eva Kennedy Yeah. Right. Who is she? So, who is she? Yeah. Eva Kennedy is a woman with purpose. She's a child of the most high God. She's creative. She's loved. She shares her love. And she uses her skills and experiences because her purpose to your point is to help women reconnect with themselves so that they can claim their identity, understand their worth, so that they can live the life whatever they desire in the season that they're in. Okay. All right. So, by the way, when you said married and parents, I heard a little east coast. So, just Okay. I got a little something something just so you know. Okay. [laughter] Okay. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. So, you know, we talked about, you know, how um women have um lost touch, right, with their identity? And so, that is something that really um stirred you to do the work that you're doing. Was there anything like was there a specific situation? Was there a specific occurrence? something that happened and you said, you know what, now I need to do this right now. I I need to pour into these women right now. Well, you know what? My life has been a process of evolution and and most of our lives are. Yes. When I left my corporate job in 2006, I gave myself permission to take five years off. After that, I started searching for my purpose and I would pray and run the lakefront and I would cry, God, what's my purpose? has got to be more than my life to my life. Um because once I left that corporate job, I no longer had that identity. I no longer had the title. So I started looking internally versus externally, right? What's my purpose? I I I believed that I my life had meaning beyond just me, bigger than me. So I've been on this journey for a long time, right? discovering my purpose, um being in touch with who I am internally and learning to make decisions and choices that's aligned with the essence of who I am. And then a couple of years ago, um I had this awakening, right? Because I had this this feeling of anxiety. Something was going on. And God said, "You've done everything except what? One thing." And I said, "What?" He said, "Empowerment speaker." I had suppressed that. I had suppressed that. And then I started thinking about I know I'm not the only one. Right? And then other clients, other women that I've met, other women that I've coached, right? And and and a lot of times what happened, we have this unrest going on internally. And some of us won't even seek it out to determine what's happening internally. So, I had to go through that own process of reconnecting with myself so that I could be the best version of myself to do what I know I've been called to do. And that's to help other women do the same. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that. So, so often we run from that thing, right? We run from what that thing that we're, you know, you said God was like, "You haven't done that one thing." Because you were told what that one thing you were told what to do. You just ran from it, right? Yeah. until until you're like, "Okay, okay, I give in." Right. Yeah. Yeah. Let me let me go ahead and do that thing now. No, I know all about that. Um, so you've built spaces through the power summit and remember who you are where women reconnect with purpose during transitions. So, what gap were you seeing that no one else was addressing? um just being able to create that space for women and to let women know that it's okay. You're not being judged to let them know that um it's okay. But I think the most powerful thing is because I had been through it too. So I could relate to them. So I'm not talking at you, right? I'm not trying to share something with you that I have not experienced myself. I know what it feels like. I know what it feels like to to have that that anxiety to to doubt yourself. I know what it feels like to have desires that you've suppressed for so long because society or someone told you that it couldn't happen. So, I think that's what [clears throat] makes me different in the sense that I've been there. I've experienced it. I can hold that space for you. I can cry with you, right? Because I know what it feels like. Yeah. And coming from a place of authenticity, right? We hear so much like for the last several years people talk about be your authentic self and authentic this and authenticity that. And when you've experienced it, you're coming from a place of I I know. I understand. Yeah. I I I get you. And not only that, but it's my purpose. So, I care about women. Yeah. You know what I mean? I care about you enough to I'm going to hold that space for you. I'm going to be here for you, right? I'm going to go through it with you because this is my purpose. This is what fulfillment is for me. Right? So if you take this away from me, it's like when I when I left that title behind at at that corporate job, I was stripped right for a while, my confidence because I identified myself with that title. But if you take this away from me, this is the essence of who I am. This is why I am here. I believe that we all have purpose, right? This is my purpose. Yeah. And you know, so you know, just listening to you and listening to the the thing about the title, I remember um having conversations with a mentor and she said to me, "Focus on what it is that you want in a row." Like get away from the titles because I was chasing a title and she's like, "Get away from that and really focus on what do you want in that role? What do you want that job to look like? What do you want to be able to do in that role? And focus on that." And then the title itself, you know, it doesn't matter the title because you can do that um regardless of the title. And then you know what? I realized that I was doing everything that I had wanted to do. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and and I just didn't have that next title or whatever. But I started and when you realize that, it takes pressure off, you know, it lets you know like, wow, you know what? I'm already empowered. I'm already doing this. I'm already doing that. So continue doing more of it. Right? And of course, you know, still if that if you want that title, that's fine. But it shifts, right? Because you're not chasing that thing because sometimes you can go after that title and that title is totally not what you want to do, right? So you really need to be clear about what it is you want. And so that's with anything in life, right? Regardless if it's work, corporate, personal, all the things, get clear about what you want out of life. What do you want life to give you? What do you want to give to life? And when you're clear about that, that shifts a lot of things. Do you find yourself doing that kind of work with Oh, most definitely. Well, most definitely because women that I work with are women in trans or in life transition. So there are different stages of life and that stage of life where you get to the point where you start thinking about what matters most to me is usually in that stage of midlife transition because the other stages before you get to that particular stage you are still performing and I use that word performing deliberately you're still performing based on what you've been taught you need to do because society or other people have placed that on you. Yeah. What would you say the biggest roadblock that you've uh come across with working with the women? Oh, most of it is just fear and not understanding their value and their worth. Most people, there are so many women that believe they have to earn their value, right? But it's inherent. It's already there. You just have to recognize it. Yeah. Absolutely. And and the the other point you already made it is most of us don't know what we want. Like I will work with women or women will come to me and they'll say, "Well, I'm not happy. I'm not fulfilled." And I'll ask, "What does that look like?" And they don't know. So we have to start from the premise of what's most important to you. And so many women have suppressed that because somebody like even with me the empowerment speaker something happened a long time ago in my career and it and and it just made me suppress that feeling. You know this person wrote on a note seriously Eva preaches to us. I'm sitting in a meeting only black person in the meeting with these powerful VPs and he writes on a note Eva preaches to us and pass it to the person next to him. And what's interesting, true story, after the meeting, because the person read the note, folded and put and left it on the table. So after the meeting, we all walked up. I ran back in there and got the note. Said he preaches to us. I didn't want to be known as preachy. I'm sitting this meeting, right? Powerful meeting. I'm coming across in my mind. I'm confident. I'm having a conversation. And that just quieted my voice. And my sister would say, Eva, you know your sermon. And I'm thinking that's not how I want to be seen. But now I'll take it 100%. I own it. Yeah. That's my style. I'll take it. Yeah. That's this is who I am and I'm going to, you know, lean into it. Yeah. And using that, right, to help empower women. So fulfillment and purpose, right? Most of us are seeking fulfillment. Most of us are seeking happiness. Most of us want to believe and our life have purpose. So once I've leaned into my purpose and who the who I am at the core right now I can define purpose and fulfillment for Eva Kennedy. That's what I help women do. What's most important to you? What is it that you want to do? And here's the thing. Most of us forget this and it's so simple but so important to me. We only get one time. We only come around once. And if not now, when? So many women are waiting. Wait till I lose a little bit more weight. Wait till I, you know, uh um save a little bit more money. We're waiting for perfection. But guess what? Now is the time. Now is the time. Absolutely. Now is the time. And I I was having a conversation with someone and they actually had just texted me, but I was having a conversation with someone who she is in like um I don't know taxes. So that that's her work. That's what she's been doing. She's good at it, etc. However, she wants to do more, right? She wants to do something else. So it's an and like you can continue doing that thing and do this other thing. Start doing more of what brings you joy. start seeing how you can build that into a business cuz she wants you know to bring in other um income streams. Start focusing on that. It's an and like you don't have to give up that other thing yet. And once you you know get yourself grounded in that then go ahead and make that transition. But you know like you said so many of us wait like she could like wait until I'm going to retire. No. Why? [laughter] Right. Do it now. Yeah. Do it now. Yeah. So see Yeah. That's the other thing. People think this everything has to be left or right. There's a middle road. There is definitely a middle road. So to your point, why not do it now? And here's the other thing too. Tomorrow is not promised to us. See all these things we know, but we don't live up to them or we don't live through them, right? We already know today is the day. Tomorrow is not promised to us. So why are you waiting for tomorrow? See, that's the other thing. And you asked this question, fear. So many of us are bound by fear. And I learned you make decisions, right? Either from love or fear. Think about it. Either you're making this decision out of love or fear. Which one are you going to choose? And so with that fear, um, do you find that it's more so a fear of the known or the unknown? and hold that thought. We'll be right back. Okay, here we're going to do a reveal of Gem Blends um [clears throat] Sip and Shine. So, let's see what we have in here. Cute little sticker. You're a gym. I am a gym. I love it. I'm also an investor, so I'm really excited to uh check out the product. So, this uh let's see. Okay. So, we have six cans and I just want to show you the products. So, I invested in Yaki water which was instanced by Arin Hamilton at her your first million buy. I think that was in April of 2023 it was or 2024 one or the other. And so I made an investment, actually made a smaller investment for my son, cous. And fast forward to now, um Arland has um partnered with another woman and they came up with the brand Chim. So we have this one. Does it have the Okay. passion fruit, guava, we have lemon lime, and we have orange tangerine. So, [clears throat] I'm not going to try them now. I just wanted to um do an unveil and bring them out the box and see what they look like and excited to try them and share them with you. So, um do check out the information. Um, you can order, get a discount, and let me know what you think. All right. Well, welcome back to Women of Color and Intimate Conversation. Today, we're talking about remembering who you are and reclaiming the identity, purpose, and power that got buried along the way, speaking with Eva Kennedy. And before the break, I asked Eva, we were talking about fear, and I asked, "Is it more of a fear of the unknown or the known?" And I think it's a combination of both in all honesty. Um but it's the fear of the unknown too. What if I take this step and it doesn't work? Right? Suppose I fail. And that's where faith comes in. See, I focus on faith. That's where faith comes in. Do you believe? If you believe, take the step. Because here's the thing, and we talked about this a little bit before. It's all about perspective. If you take the step and if it doesn't work out the way you thought it would, you're going to learn something from it. You are going to learn something from it. So, I think it's a combination of both. People are just settled in who they are. Um, and there are so many women that want to make changes in their lives. Number one, they don't know how. They don't know what steps to take. That was me at one point, too. I was stuck. I didn't know how to move forward. I didn't have a clue about how to move forward. Right? So, it's it's it's that fear of the unknown. Um, and it's the fear of even knowing yourself to the point where you start to question yourself. Am I good enough? Right? Will I be accepted? Can I really pull it off? And that's why it's so important to go within and really focus on the person that's within because the person within has the strength, the knowledge, the love, the wisdom, and the knowhow to help you achieve anything um that you want to anything. If you believe, you have to have faith, too. Yeah, absolutely. Let me tell you this. God's got some serious explaining to do. I say this [laughter] all the time. I attended a summit in 2015 and I I held on to the program and I said this is something I want to do. But I'm going to tell you how when you when when you are start to really focus on who you are and tap into that inner being and if you truly have faith and believe God will do the work. Long story short, I'm going to try to fast forward it. I finally declared I'm an empowerment speaker. An opportunity became available. I did virtual um I I did virtual speaking initially and with this particular woman and I was going to hold a summit in Chicago under her brand but uh she was holding um a summit wasn't called a summit I'll call it a summit for now in Texas I said let me go to Texas let me see how she's doing this right time before I went to Texas I had worked with her and said I'll hold one in Chicago under under her brand I had the venue and the whole nine yards. I get to Texas. God said, "No, no, no. Uhuh. This is not what remembering who you are is all about." And of course, at that time, I didn't realize it was remember who you are. I did um my speak on something else, right? The four C's. But at any rate, when in Texas, the little voice said, "No, no, no. You're going to do the summit and you're going to do it under your own brand." And I prayed and he started feeding me. Remember who you are. That's how that came about. Yeah. Remember who you are. There are no limits. Remember who you belong to. Right. This is your purpose. You're creative. You're caring. Was working with women anyway because that's who I know I'm supposed to be working with. And that's how it came about. But what was so powerful because once I declared it, he was just waiting. He was waiting for me to grow to the point where I can carry it. Right. Absolutely. And that's why I said he's got some serious and it came. It just came. The the four pillars and the book um I'm on my third edit of the book. The goal is to get that out by the book is a memoir to get it out by the end of the year. And this is what's so power and the work that you're doing creating spaces for women to declare, you know, what's most important to them and giving them the resources and the support that will help them move along. I think it's so important uh for women just to give themselves permission to focus on their internal being, not what's happening externally. Yeah. But internally. I love that. And that just transitions into this question. So, Eva, you didn't wait for permission to remember who you are. You built an entire movement around it. We just talked about it. And for the woman who's watching who's lost herself in everyone else's expectations, what is the one thing she needs to do to stop waiting and start finding her way back? Take one step. Just take one step. First of all, just to sit down and acknowledge, right, something's going on internally with me. I want more. I don't know how to move forward. Just acknowledge it. If you just take a piece of paper and just write down, I want more out of life. Just take that one step, right? Then take another step. If you don't know how to move forward, seek help. If you need a psychiatrist, get a psych psychologist, psychiatrist, mentor, coach, whatever. Take a step, then another step. But the most important thing is to know what's important to you. And I'll tell you a story really quickly. Those are your values, right? Know what's important to you. Your values are your road mapap. And one of the exercises that I take all of my clients through is part of my framework. It was part of what I had to do when I was stuck. The little boy said, "Eva, what's important to you?" I couldn't even answer the question. But eventually I sat myself down. I identified, defined, and prioritized my top five values. And now when I have to make a decision, the first thing I do is it align with my values of going against my values. And really quickly, I won't put anybody on the spot, but most people can't even name their top five values in order to priority. And if you're not making decisions based on what's important to you, other people are making decisions for you and you are becoming who they want you to be. Okay? So, uh, take a step. That that's what that's what she needs to do right now. So, you don't have to become someone new to move forward. You have to remember who you were before the world got its hands on you and build from there. That's the dream lifestyle standard. So, Eva, before we wrap, what would you like to leave those watching or listening with? Um, know that you have value. That's it. You don't have to chase worth. You inherited it. Your life has purpose, meaning, and value. If you are not living the life you desire and you deserve to live an amazing life and guess what only you get to decide what that amazing life is, what it looks like. You owe it to yourself to live an amazing life. I love it. Eva Kennedy, thank you for joining us. Thank you for your honesty, your work, and permission you've given so many women to come back to themselves. This is exactly what reclaiming yourself looks like. Enormous. Thank you to the Leon Thomas Group for holding it down behind the scenes every single Thursday. This show re runs because of you. So share this with a woman who's been performing for everyone else and forgot to check in with herself. This conversation is for her. And next Thursday, November 12, we welcome Baron Witherspoon, former Proctor and Gamble SVP, founder of The Black Exec, and author of The Black Exec and the Seven Myths on the Black Exec and the Seven Myths. You don't want to miss. See you next time. [music]