She Lost Her Mom at 6: Healing Grief & Spiritual Awakening | Rima Desai, Part 1

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Welcome to Women of Color and Intimate 
Conversation, a top 20 women's empowerment

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podcast where we center truth, transformation, and 
the courage to choose ourselves. I'm your host,

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Denine El Garrett, and again today, we're starting 
a two-part conversation that I know is going to

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stay with you. My guest is Remma Desai again a 
transformational life coach and spiritual healer

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who holds a master's in counseling psychology 
from India in certifications in Reiki uh advanced

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spiritual response therapy lineage work and more. 
Born in Mumbai, she lost her mother at age six.

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Her path took her across continents including a 
season in Tanzania she she describes with so much

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love and her story is one of the most layered I've 
had the privilege of sitting with. Remma, welcome.

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Thank you Denine for such a generous introduction. 
It's my pleasure. It's my honor to be here with

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you. I want to always begin with saying you are 
doing great work and just touching lives. your

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email itself to me like with everything you wrote 
the perception that you have I want to honor that

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first before we begin. So thank you so much for 
being absolutely and it's my my great pleasure

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to have you on and to to learn more about you and 
um get into things. So let me just set things up

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a little bit more on this platform. We talk about 
women who carry, women who survive, women who show

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up for everyone else, often at the expense of 
themselves. And sometimes the weight we carry

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has roots we didn't choose. Today, we're going 
to that place. So, let's jump into it. So, Rema,

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you lost your mother when you were six. You've 
described life after that as lifeless. What did

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it feel like to carry grief that young before you 
even had language for it? Yeah, it's one of those

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things that I'll begin with the actual moment and 
everything that happened because it's something

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that never leaves you. I can say now that I've 
healed so much of it that I was not sad on

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Mother's Day, but it took a very long time or talk 
about it now, but it took a very very long time

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and intentional work to get there. Yet the life 
at that time, like the the actual moment is where

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I want to begin. Um, obviously I'm six, right? 
And if I were to just take you as a flashback,

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there's a WAN. That's what I remember. It could 
be a distorted memory. I don't know. But there's

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like a a a van or like an ambulance in which my 
mother's dead body is just there. And I'm like

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for a six-year-old just wondering why is my mother 
not moving, not talking, not doing anything. It's

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making no sense to me. And I'm seeing garlands 
and flowers like on her dead body. And you know at

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that moment my heart knew it was a complete like 
shattering of my entire world right that moment I

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have one of the worst memories and it's probably 
all the trauma that I've held from that point

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onwards that I've maybe my consciously decided 
to not hold on to memories but for me to remember

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something that means it's a very big deal it has 
had a very big impact and the day after that the

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next day um we have this like we were not well 
to do financially. It looked like on the outside,

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but my paternal grandfather was very generous and 
kind to give dad a home for us to live. The home

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that he had, the only home that he had. And it was 
a massive home for three people. It was a 5 BHK,

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five bedrooms. On the outside, it looks glamorous 
and glorious, but we couldn't afford it. It's just

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something that was given to us. You know, as you 
have two young girls, now you don't have a wife.

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you know, I want to make sure you're supported and 
they're safe. Um, so the living room is humongous,

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is huge. And there's a reason I'm saying this is 
the vastness of it. You know, when you see from

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one end to the other end, it will feel like two 
and a half bedrooms put together. It's elongated

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and I can still envision and see myself as a third 
person standing at one end. On the other end,

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at the far end, there's just one couch that we 
have. I remember the pink and the white night we

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call them night gown in India like a two-piece 
that I was wearing as a child. I remember the

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bows on it. All the intricacies that I will never 
my mind will never remember such details. Hands

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in my pocket. Dad is sitting there with his head 
down. The next day I think my sister was sitting

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next to him and I'm just standing there and asking 
him where is mom cuz there's no understanding of

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like what happened to mom? How did someone just 
disappear, right? For a six-year-old. Um, and

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in terms of the language that you're asking for 
in the Indian culture, nobody talks about grief.

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Yeah. At least not at that time. I think now we're 
making some waves and we're moving. But even now,

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the women that the free support group that I run, 
they're women of my age, middle-aged from India

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primarily, most of them. There's no understanding 
of stages of grief. How do you process grief?

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You only do one thing. You don't talk about it. 
Right? And so you're holding everything inside.

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Nobody's talking about it. The atmosphere was 
heavy for years. And there was this wall between

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us where there was no it was just an emotional 
absence of complete void. Like it it's like you're

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living in a black hole literally together at the 
same time. Um, it led for us to not really feel

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any external harmony as a family between dad, me 
and sister. I can now look back and say dad was

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dealing with his own, you know, challenge through 
all of that. Um, and the circumstances beyond just

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mom leaving in the family were very heavy with 
a lot of other things. There's some background,

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some history to it. So I do feel that it didn't 
lead to bonding between my sister and me. We had

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no available adult. I don't think it was anybody's 
fault. It was not a culture where my dad grew up

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where he knew how to talk about emotions. We've 
never talked about emotions. We've I grew up never

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hearing good morning ever. I've never heard good 
morning. I've never heard how are you my child.

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Like there's a word for it in India. Beta. Like 
I will say that to my daughter like how are you?

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That's a loving way. I've never heard that cuz 
we were all everybody was shut down. And on the

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outside though, in a way, I'm grateful that my 
dad showed a strong front to the world. Having

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two girls in India at that time, you're at a very 
vulnerable spot. Like men are prying. It's not a

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safe it's not a safe environment in Mumbai to 
just have to go. I've grown up where men would

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walk into me, touch me. It was just like you 
Yeah. anybody can like kind of it's almost like

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you belong to everyone. So for for dad I can 
imagine the amount of burden he had on him to

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have grew two two daughters financially not well 
to do the burden of a business um the burden of

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the home that was given and kind of like feeling 
you know my dad has done this for me I need to

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pay back give us a safe life and education is 
not free in India so he had to earn really to

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pay every single day so it was a lot it was a lot 
and not until I got into my masters of psychology

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ology not even in my masters I could not word 
my feelings it's there was one day when the

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teacher in my second year of masters imagine like 
I am a grown adult at that time like 21 or maybe

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22 I I don't exactly remember but she called 
me in front of 200 other people students and

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she just asked me to complete the statement 
I feel and I'm sitting there Denine shaking

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It was that light bulb moment for me. It was like 
I don't even know how to connect to my feelings or

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word them. Yes. Yes. And you know what I'm that's 
been me um the last few days. So this conversation

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is very timely because I lost my cousin on 
Thursday. So she transitioned and she actually

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um was transported from the hospital to my home 
last Tuesday. And so I was here to care for her.

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Um my mom lives upstairs. She was here to care 
for her. Her son was here to care for her. And

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we had her for 3 days before she transitioned. 
And a friend of mine asked, she's like, you know,

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um, how are you? Like, and and my answer has been, 
I don't know, cuz I don't I really don't. I'm a

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I'm a person who like holds things in. I don't 
necessarily feel it or anything. It's just there.

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It's just in its compartment. It's in its box. 
And I just move through life like that. And so

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um for the last week or two um I've been in touch 
with my emotions or with being vulnerable. And so

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I had shared you know ahead of time like my 
cousin's in the hospital pray for her then

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when she came to the house and then when she had 
transitioned um and again answering truthfully I

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don't know I don't know how I feel. I don't know 
what emotions you know that I have. I'm I'm not

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necessarily I'm sad, you know. Um, absolutely 
that. And so what you shared when you were six

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and and what you you know what happened at 21, 
you know, there's lots of us even bigger age

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than all of that who are not certain what to 
do with that grief, are not certain, you know,

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what to say, how to feel, how to move. And 
so you starting a support group for women for

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um women from India um that's a great thing. So 
what are some things that some takeaways from your

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group would you like to share with us? It has been 
eyeopening that um really there is for forget the

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part of even language for emotions. There is not 
even awareness at least not in my culture because

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that's primarily the group that I'm working with. 
So I can say with like with certainty this is what

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I've seen in the last four years that I'm running 
the group besides the clients that I worked with

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right that is also bringing like a the it tells 
me you know what's really out there but uh there

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is not even an understanding of it is important to 
understand yourself. It is important to understand

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we're emotional beings. We have emotions to learn 
to connect to that and be in touch with it because

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it impacts every decision you make. It impacts the 
way you live. You bring it to your relationships.

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You take it to work. We are taking our emotional 
bodies as much as our mental logical mind which

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is given. There's just not even an understanding 
of the how dire how crucial that is. And I think

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even after four years some people may get it and 
some don't. And what they tell me is I'm feeling

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depressed or I'm in depression and then they go 
and take pills. And in in the years that I grew

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up, I think I'm very fortunate that somewhere 
in my soul had a knowing, I have never popped

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a pill for as an anti-depressant despite being 
chronically depressed like to the extent that you

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can think of, right? to one on wanting to live my 
life feeling like cuz there's a lot that I haven't

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said that you know the whole journey of until 
I got here especially like living in that house

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that was very heavy and very like murky and very 
dark is that was what I would say um but without

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popping a pill getting into masters of psychology 
it would be easy for me to say let me go to a

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psychiatrist and get an anti-depressant but I 
understood that depression is an emotional problem

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it's not a physical biological problem. It shows 
biological signs and symptoms and I would have to

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work through the whole emotional journey, relive, 
let go, retra like transform and rebirth myself in

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several ways if I wanted that to go away. True. 
The same is true for anxiety as well. But still,

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there are women that tell me, "I'm feeling 
depressed." And they take pills and they're

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still not feeling good. And I try to explain to 
them, you have to do the work. Nobody's going

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to come here and do that magic for you. And it 
requires you to either hire a professional if you

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can't do it yourself, which most people won't, or 
they won't know the techniques and the strategies

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that go into it. And something that will fit a 
little bit when I tell them just like when you

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go to a gym, a fitness coach, you tell them their 
final goal and then they have the strategies, they

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have the depth, the understanding. That's what a 
life coach or like somebody like me who's doing

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multipi multiple things astrology life coaching 
spiritual response therapy we have the expertise

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to look into human behavior and understanding what 
solutions what pathways you need to get there it

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takes a lot though it's still just not as easy 
a concept and my dad my sister my family as a

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whole overall it's not I'm not saying it's their 
fault even at the time there wasn't awareness

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enough to say psychology is important so I was 
never doing an important career for any of them.

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It's like you're just like doing whatever. Like 
it's not something that was considered highly,

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at least not at the time. Yeah. But yet there's so 
many benefits of of seeking that support and just

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support in general, right? Um we can go it alone 
alone, but it's better when we have support and

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community and a family and have people that we can 
share what's going on with us um with. So kind of

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let's let's kind of define depression. So based 
on your expertise, based on um your education,

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how would you define depression or at least the 
the part of it that you're tapped into that you're

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working with? For one, to help women accept and 
understand and women, I'm saying not that it's not

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true for men because I primarily work with women 
and you know, we're channeling that population

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right now talking to them to that audience. But 
in general, depression, if I were to explain that

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first, just to help that to stick to to kind 
of help them understand there's nothing wrong

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with you. You're not necessarily doing something 
wrong and it's not something out of the box that's

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happening. It's not like a crazy virus and you 
know that that is just weird and awkward. That's

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how it's kind of viewed in my country. They don't 
know how to deal with it or that's why they don't

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want to talk about it or avoid it. It's like your 
body having fever. It's a symptom according to me.

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The way I say it as a spiritual healer, anything 
that's happening that's out of the norm where

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you don't feel good, whether physically, mentally, 
emotionally, it's a symptom of something else. So,

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depression is like a fever that's telling you 
there's an infection, an emotional infection

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somewhere else that needs attention. Now, if I 
were to not treat that fever, I could pop a pill,

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an antibiotic or whatever. It's going to suppress 
the fever, right? It's not going to take away the

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infection necessarily. If it was mild, maybe. But 
in most cases, depression is emotions that have

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been grief, for example, or emotions that have 
been either ignored. It's grossly like chronically

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suppressed for a long period of time, unattended. 
probably some of it through birthing because we

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could be feeling the symptoms of depression as 
we birth and separate ourselves from our mothers,

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right? And it could be sitting within us. So the 
fever, the symptoms. So there could be several

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reasons for it, but it's been sitting there 
for a long time. Now clinically in psychology,

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we would say minimum 3 weeks to feeling al feeling 
like disinterest. There's all of those symptoms

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that are listed that anybody can go and read. 
But what I want to educate the the audience is

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you could be looking the happiest outside. I was 
talking to someone yesterday and I was convincing

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that individual this person you care about cuz 
they kept telling me but they talking normal.

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They're looking okay. They're fine when I talk to 
them and I'm like they're not and in fact they're

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probably at the edge of that decision of should I 
live or not live. Do I want to or not want to? Um,

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so we could go a lot more in depth to it, but it's 
a symptom that needs further attention of what's

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going on in your emotional world that has been 
left unattended. It's the easiest way. No. And so

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when you say that um I was reading in this book, 
um I don't have it in front of me, but it's the

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alchemy of something and it's about journaling and 
um the one uh portion that I read today was about

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that like I'm fine, like how are you? And so the 
person had just lost their husband, young widow,

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young baby, and you know, her answer to everybody 
is, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine." And so she

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was able to convince everybody that she was fine. 
And she absolutely was not. And so moving forward,

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um, she is no longer just saying, "I'm fine." 
She's, you know, real with her feelings.

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And of course, she's not just telling everybody 
like spilling it out with any and everybody,

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but those that she feel are safe place, you know, 
she's being a little bit more vulnerable um with

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them to say, "This is how I'm feeling." And like 
I shared earlier um how I'm saying I don't know

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or even progressing to you know what actually 
I'm sad. You know, this is how I'm feeling. Um,

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and I think that we need to do more of that. 
Again, when we have a safe place, we feel safe

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with someone to be honest with it because I think 
that it it releases a lot from us as well as gives

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that person an opportunity to whatever support 
possibly they they can offer. Um, but just, you

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know, for us not to do it alone. And I love that 
you're saying this. Let me let me add to that.

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um cuz you've made some a great point here. also 
want to go back a little bit just dial back and

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um condolences but also my heart and my love to 
you to get through this phase all the strength

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I was one of those persons because I did not get 
love growing up physical touch emotional you know

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the first instinct is for someone to come and hug 
me I'm like don't hug me like you are coming into

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my space like so I always say I'm not always 
going to say I'm necessarily going to give you

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a tight hug but all of my love for this space 
Um, in terms of being truthful, being honest,

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we first have to be honest to ourselves. And it 
is very liberating. Very, very liberating. Once

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we're honest to ourselves, it's so much easier. 
It's almost natural to be that with someone else

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or be that's authenticity, right? Being honest. 
And that's where a lot of the teaching that you

0:19:11.360,0:19:18.080
were telling me the takeaway is to tell women and 
to kind of change the their me internal mechanism

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of it is okay to not be okay. It does not reflect 
poorly upon you. It's so ingrilled in our culture.

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If you're depressed that something is genuinely 
wrong with you and I don't know where that comes

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from. Why? Yeah. Why do we always have to be on 
and okay and good like physically we're not? So

0:19:37.360,0:19:43.200
emotional is another aspect of us. Um, and it's 
okay to say I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling happy.

0:19:43.200,0:19:48.640
And then the more we use all of the variety 
of emotions, especially the easier way to

0:19:48.640,0:19:53.680
start could be as a takeaway for women that are 
watching. If it's hard for you to be vulnerable,

0:19:53.680,0:19:58.640
start at a place that's easy. So start saying, 
"Today I'm thrilled." Don't just use the word

0:19:58.640,0:20:04.880
happy or expression happy for everything. Pin 
it down to something more specific like I feel

0:20:04.880,0:20:11.760
surprised. I feel enthusiastic. I think I wrote 
that in the email to you because I was not feeling

0:20:11.760,0:20:17.520
excited because I had some nervousness to it. So 
I said, I'm enthusiastic. Start at an easier place

0:20:17.520,0:20:22.720
and then it become easier to accept the other 
emotions. Absolutely. You know, and what it it

0:20:22.720,0:20:29.680
does as well is it let lets people in. And so um 
you know how you said with the hugging like okay,

0:20:29.680,0:20:35.920
you know, putting you know, like oh no, not too 
close, not too tight. Well, being vulnerable,

0:20:35.920,0:20:40.400
sharing those things with people, let them in. You 
know, for those who are wanting people to be let

0:20:40.400,0:20:45.680
in, some people don't want. And me, I'm wanting 
people to be let in. So, I'm realizing as we're

0:20:45.680,0:20:49.840
having this conversation that, oh, that's also 
what's happening. So, when you said dial back,

0:20:49.840,0:20:56.480
let's got to dial back to uh by the age 12. Um, 
you could read minds and predict things. Were

0:20:56.480,0:21:02.880
those experiences frightening or did they feel 
like companionship during those lonely years?

0:21:02.880,0:21:08.800
That is such a good question and that did get me 
thinking to like sit with it for a moment. I and

0:21:08.800,0:21:15.280
I've thought of it when I was younger especially. 
Um it was I'll again I'll take you back to a

0:21:15.280,0:21:20.800
moment that I clearly remember this would happen 
repeatedly and I think it was a sign from my mom.

0:21:20.800,0:21:26.560
Uh my mom did not die of natural causes. I just 
want to mention that. Um and I'm okay to share

0:21:26.560,0:21:32.480
that you know at this moment but I think it was 
a sign that she communicated every time. So we

0:21:32.480,0:21:38.800
had a room where it was my own room or shared 
with my sister sometimes and I think at other

0:21:38.800,0:21:43.840
times maybe she was in another room. My memories 
I'm alone in the room. I'm leaving for college,

0:21:43.840,0:21:49.440
you know. I'm just a young teenager like the early 
teens or high school or and I'm closing the door.

0:21:49.440,0:21:54.640
The windows are shut. Everything's closed. We 
don't have AC. We don't have we the fan is not

0:21:54.640,0:21:59.200
running. And there's a wall clock. So if you see 
the wall behind me, think of a wall clock right

0:21:59.200,0:22:04.240
there. And I open the door when I come back. So 
every nothing's moving, nobody's going into the

0:22:04.240,0:22:10.720
room, and I come back and the wall is on the 
clock is on the other side of the room, right?

0:22:10.720,0:22:16.880
And this has happened several times. Or I wake 
up at night and I put the clock back up, right?

0:22:16.880,0:22:24.160
And it happens again. Or I wake up at night and 
the clock is stuck at 3 3:00 a.m. I've seen that

0:22:24.160,0:22:30.000
number of times. So obviously as a child initially 
in a country or in a culture where you don't talk

0:22:30.000,0:22:35.360
about your emotions you definitely don't talk 
about voodoo things things that are like unseen

0:22:35.360,0:22:41.440
you don't talk about oult you don't talk about 
like um you talk about religion and god that is

0:22:41.440,0:22:47.280
also unseen but only that's considered acceptable 
and positive um anything that is not understood

0:22:47.280,0:22:53.360
is not talked about in short so I had to keep 
it to myself and in the beginning it was scary

0:22:53.360,0:22:59.840
it was like what is going on here. I would also 
get chills down my spine, almost like someone's

0:22:59.840,0:23:05.440
running a finger. And it was, it might sound scary 
to some of you, but it was actually my guardian

0:23:05.440,0:23:12.240
angels trying to get my attention probably to give 
me signs and to get me into like realizing like,

0:23:12.240,0:23:19.680
you're made for more than this. You have an 
eventually I started to I was 18. I was 16 maybe.

0:23:19.680,0:23:25.680
I don't remember the exact timeline. my grand 
paternal grandfather's brother passed away and

0:23:25.680,0:23:33.200
I told one person I think that he's going to pass 
away because I saw it in a dream and I had to be

0:23:33.200,0:23:39.840
very careful of not overstaying it and I have at 
times and it lashed back very badly on me whether

0:23:39.840,0:23:45.040
it was my sister whether it was and again I'm not 
saying that you know I'm upset with her now but at

0:23:45.040,0:23:52.960
the time for a child you're not only denying my 
truth it kind of makes the trial question. Am I

0:23:52.960,0:24:00.080
normal and okay? Luckily, internally, I knew I 
am, but it did make me feel very abandoned and

0:24:00.080,0:24:05.440
alienated and misunderstood from the family, 
and that grew emotionally more and more. So,

0:24:05.440,0:24:11.040
it didn't scare me after a point. It kind 
of became my not even my companionship, it

0:24:11.040,0:24:18.800
became my special superpower. For a child who was 
emotionally neglected, I felt special as a person.

0:24:18.800,0:24:26.160
Um, and for years I've there I've said I've given 
a lot of indications to the family and for years

0:24:26.160,0:24:32.400
for maybe not up until the last two or three 
years they've started to recognize my gifts and

0:24:32.400,0:24:39.280
acknowledge them. Yeah. Um, and it's been a very 
very hard and sad journey up until then for me

0:24:39.280,0:24:44.240
coming from family again. I think I understand now 
it's just the culture. It's just not and you have

0:24:44.240,0:24:50.000
to have an open mind to realize. Yeah, absolutely. 
And then you're able to tap in that when you're

0:24:50.000,0:24:54.160
working with the women that you're working in, 
right? You're coming from that place and from that

0:24:54.160,0:25:01.360
experience is all of who you are and how you're 
able to help them through goosebumps. You have I

0:25:01.360,0:25:06.880
can give you so many example in vimro like how do 
you know that rea like how do you know that nobody

0:25:06.880,0:25:11.760
knows this and there's a lot like you can give 
me a name right now and I can channel into their

0:25:11.760,0:25:16.400
emotional body their emotions thoughts decisions 
past present like a lot like I can tell you a lot

0:25:16.400,0:25:22.800
about and I could verbatim read actually every 
single word someone's thinking when I was younger

0:25:22.800,0:25:30.800
I had more free time so it was very very deep now 
I can tell the emotions and the thoughts thoughts,

0:25:30.800,0:25:36.320
but I cannot give you the verbatim necessarily. 
There have been times when I've messaged a client,

0:25:36.320,0:25:40.080
no contact, right, for three years, and I'm 
like, "Oh, is this what you were thinking

0:25:40.080,0:25:47.040
this?" And they're like, "Wait, what?" Like, just 
like no contact. I'm just messaging them. This is

0:25:47.040,0:25:53.680
Yeah. Intuition, um, visions and all those things 
that, you know, a lot of people do believe in,

0:25:53.680,0:26:00.640
believe that that's that happens. So, for many 
women of color, we normalize pain early. Um,

0:26:00.640,0:26:06.560
as you've shared, as you've experienced, I have 
as well. I lost my dad when I was about 12. Again,

0:26:06.560,0:26:13.760
not natural um, uh, circumstances. Um, we 
learn to function alongside grief rather than

0:26:13.760,0:26:18.560
to move through it. Again, that's what we've 
been talking about, what I'm experiencing.

0:26:18.560,0:26:22.880
What do you say to the woman who has been 
functioning so long she doesn't even know

0:26:22.880,0:26:30.640
what healing feels like or could feel like? 
Give it a chance. Give somebody else a chance.

0:26:30.640,0:26:36.560
You've got to give if you want to give your life a 
chance. And it's hard to kind of convince someone,

0:26:36.560,0:26:43.360
you need to just walk into into a door. Like 
I said, for a fitness coach, right, you need

0:26:43.360,0:26:49.440
to give your life a chance. And sometimes that 
means just like you hire a professional lawyer,

0:26:49.440,0:26:55.200
you hire a professional, you know, insurance 
agent, you need to hire someone to help you out

0:26:55.200,0:27:00.000
to begin your journey somewhere. There are women 
that have plenty of money like they, you know,

0:27:00.000,0:27:06.720
we can make all kinds of excuses to ourselves. You 
could say one dinner and use that money to start a

0:27:06.720,0:27:12.560
session with someone to start your healing journey 
and give it a chance and see where that goes. If

0:27:12.560,0:27:16.560
you don't do anything, here's what I'm going to 
say. Even five years and I've said this to some

0:27:16.560,0:27:22.320
people, you're going to be at the same place five 
years from now asking me the same question. Yeah,

0:27:22.320,0:27:27.040
absolutely. And yes, I know how that is, right? 
Like we keep repeating the same thing because

0:27:27.040,0:27:31.600
there's a lesson to be learned. There are some 
changes to be made. So I want to get into the

0:27:31.600,0:27:38.800
Tanzania, right? So I've teased that in the 
um very beginning. Um so tell us a little bit

0:27:38.800,0:27:46.640
about Tanzania. How did you end up there? I love 
this chapter. Thank you. This is okay. So, we'll

0:27:46.640,0:27:52.560
keep it to the time, but we'd also ensure that it 
leaves the audience feeling like curious and like

0:27:52.560,0:27:59.040
truly into the story, right? And when I was little 
and dad was busy, you know, earning, how would he

0:27:59.040,0:28:03.680
keep me like my school would end at 1:00 p.m. in 
India and I would come home and I would be free

0:28:03.680,0:28:08.160
the whole day. He had no money or time to take me 
to any classes. I'm literally just home. Homework

0:28:08.160,0:28:13.120
is done. How does he keep me busy? I didn't 
have friends. It was a lonely, lonely childhood.

0:28:13.120,0:28:21.600
So he would have these um cassettes at the time or 
CDs DVDs right at the time um Serenetti Wildlife

0:28:21.600,0:28:29.440
of Tampa and if if you're around my age you know 
Discovery Channel it used to show it all the time

0:28:29.440,0:28:35.760
all the wildlife the animal hunting and I've seen 
it in and out in my childhood and I've thought to

0:28:35.760,0:28:41.120
myself gosh I'm never going to get to go there 
relax because I love nature since childhood it's

0:28:41.120,0:28:46.000
like have some deep connection And I've literally 
told myself this statement several times like I'm

0:28:46.000,0:28:53.840
not going to get to go there. And fast forward, 
I want to escape my childhood, right? I want to

0:28:53.840,0:28:58.160
escape it. So, I want to get married in in my 
mind. If I get married, I'm going to escape all

0:28:58.160,0:29:03.360
of my pain and trauma. So, I am like curious. I'm 
like really into it. I don't want to find someone.

0:29:03.360,0:29:10.880
I want to get married and like live the happily 
ever after. 17 marriage proposals. Yeah. 17 at

0:29:10.880,0:29:17.200
the time. I proudly say that but also there's 
a whole other story to it. Like me and my twin,

0:29:17.200,0:29:22.960
my best friends, we were meant for we have been 
meant for each other. But I we came in this life

0:29:22.960,0:29:28.640
together cuz I had to separate myself and give 
birth from my body cuz I wanted to know what it

0:29:28.640,0:29:33.760
feels like to come to earth and birth a baby. So 
I knew it's not going to happen with him. We've

0:29:33.760,0:29:39.600
lived several lifetimes where we've lost the child 
and my soul said this time I'll sacrifice my love

0:29:39.600,0:29:46.000
and I need to get married to have that baby once 
to come to earth because I'm not of earth descent.

0:29:46.000,0:29:50.800
I'm a star seed. I'm from a different dimension. 
I wanted to feel that in my body. That was the one

0:29:50.800,0:29:55.440
mission of my life. So I had to get married to 
someone. Right? My soul doesn't know all that.

0:29:55.440,0:30:00.880
It's all happening in the background. But I'm just 
saying we separated. I'm finding someone. There

0:30:00.880,0:30:07.280
are 17 proposals out of everyone. Why did I choose 
that one person who originally was and that's not

0:30:07.280,0:30:11.840
happening consciously, right? I don't know that 
this person is from Africa get to go to Sering.

0:30:11.840,0:30:17.840
Obviously, that's not the goal. He's in the United 
States at the time. We've been chatting for four

0:30:17.840,0:30:26.640
months. Uh we decide to get married. Look at what 
fate has in store. He finished his masters. He was

0:30:26.640,0:30:32.800
in on route to get his work visa. We are about to 
get engaged. He's coming to India for his sister's

0:30:32.800,0:30:39.760
wedding or we are going to get engaged. He never 
gets his work visa. And till date neither the

0:30:39.760,0:30:46.160
lawyers nor the company nor him know where those 
papers went cuz they were mailed out untraceable.

0:30:46.160,0:30:50.480
We don't know where those papers disappeared. 
Right? So it's like divine like interfere

0:30:50.480,0:30:56.800
intervening over there. It forced us for him to 
have a pivot. Right? Suddenly he's like now where

0:30:56.800,0:31:03.200
do I live? Cuz everything's in the United States 
for me. I'm settled there. So we went back to live

0:31:03.200,0:31:10.400
in Wanza, small countryside uh city of Tanzania, 
East Africa. I say East Africa because people

0:31:10.400,0:31:16.640
immediately say East Africa. It's very different 
like in terms of the overall you know life and

0:31:16.640,0:31:22.960
livelihood of very countryside. So we went back 
to live with parents. His mom passed away a year

0:31:22.960,0:31:29.920
after. Everything was divinely like created 
and I have done five trips so far in my life

0:31:29.920,0:31:36.960
or six maybe of the Serenetti wildlife. Seen lions 
hunting, seen migration like it's unimaginable how

0:31:36.960,0:31:42.560
like you can't imagine how nature or the universe 
what it has in store with you. Like human planning

0:31:42.560,0:31:48.720
is all in race sometimes. Absolutely. No, I mean 
I love that. That's just like um in the book The

0:31:48.720,0:31:53.360
Alchemist, right? I mentioned alchemy. in the book 
the alchemist like what you seek is seeking you.

0:31:53.360,0:31:58.720
So you were seeking being in the Serengeti and 
then fast forward it was able to happen for you.

0:31:58.720,0:32:06.000
So talk to this about your daughter soul wanted 
to manifest his its mission. What happened there?

0:32:06.000,0:32:11.440
So I'm enjoying my life overall. There's a lot of 
challenges too but I loved the country. I love the

0:32:11.440,0:32:17.600
people. I love the countryside despite coming 
from a city like Mumbai. But she's born and we

0:32:17.600,0:32:24.800
have massive riots in July of 2011. Massive. like 
it was one of a kind political unrest and riot in

0:32:24.800,0:32:31.760
our area where our entire home and our our home 
had glass windows all um around the entire house

0:32:31.760,0:32:38.480
except for one small room. Now that is that one 
day since the time she's born. She's 16 months

0:32:38.480,0:32:46.800
old. One day that I put her to sleep in that one 
bedroom that I never ever do in my life. come

0:32:46.800,0:32:55.680
riots um all the glasses, the windows are broken. 
Our house is filled in 44 big stones and rocks.

0:32:55.680,0:33:02.720
Me, my father-in-law at the time and daughter are 
sitting in one room um for 3 hours just to stay

0:33:02.720,0:33:08.800
safe from cars are being burnt. Like it was really 
radical. It was huge. It was very disturbing.

0:33:08.800,0:33:12.960
And husband is at work. He doesn't even know what 
we've gone through. I gave him an ultimatum after

0:33:12.960,0:33:21.680
that. I'm not going to live here. Little did 
I know my my daughter, she used to be my she's

0:33:21.680,0:33:27.200
she's lived with it was a reincarnation basically 
of someone right who I've met already. They wanted

0:33:27.200,0:33:32.160
to go to the United States. So little did I know 
it was really her soul driving to get us to the

0:33:32.160,0:33:38.240
United States. I came here on a tourist with a 
tourist bag keeping in mind that I'm just going to

0:33:38.240,0:33:44.480
visit. He got his work permit. He said we're not 
going back. We won't get this opportunity again.

0:33:44.480,0:33:50.640
I am like somewhere leaving sitting in the 
car feeling like I hope I get to come back

0:33:50.640,0:33:56.240
here again and I'm asking myself why am I saying 
this? I'm just going to visit for a few months. I

0:33:56.240,0:34:01.280
never came back. It was all her destiny and her 
future and it's been amazing. It's been amazing

0:34:01.280,0:34:08.000
for her. It's really exactly what she needed for 
her life. Wow. So yeah. So you know we are coming

0:34:08.000,0:34:14.800
to the close but I do want to ask one question 
and um about leaving. So leaving Tanzania,

0:34:14.800,0:34:21.280
what did it teach you about surrender and about 
trusting something bigger than your own plans?

0:34:21.280,0:34:25.920
I'll tell you that it'll take it took me quite a 
few years to get there, but to see my daughter's,

0:34:25.920,0:34:31.360
you know, if she would have grown up in Tanzania 
and the medical the education versus what she got

0:34:31.360,0:34:35.440
and what her soul needed, I've understood so 
much of it. Obviously, we can talk for hours.

0:34:35.440,0:34:41.280
Yeah, it took me a long time to say that there 
is really divine purpose that I don't need to

0:34:41.280,0:34:45.520
understand right now. There are many things 
right now that are happening maybe in my life

0:34:45.520,0:34:50.800
that I don't understand. And if I've tried and 
put in effort and if it still doesn't happen,

0:34:50.800,0:34:55.600
something else is brewing in the background for a 
much better reason. So, it taught me to surrender,

0:34:55.600,0:35:00.800
but with patience and with time, I kind of fought 
it. But I've really learned now to let go and

0:35:00.800,0:35:06.480
trust. Put in your efforts. Yeah. Yeah, but if if 
you're not getting an outcome, just trust there's

0:35:06.480,0:35:12.320
something else happening. Maybe it'll make sense 
5 years from now. I love that. So, um in part two,

0:35:12.320,0:35:18.880
we go into the work, the limited beliefs, the 
lineage healing, the depression and anxiety, that

0:35:18.880,0:35:25.760
energy work shifted when nothing else could and 
what it actually means in practice in the everyday

0:35:25.760,0:35:32.400
to go beyond. So to um those who are watching or 
listening, if this conversation landed somewhere

0:35:32.400,0:35:39.360
in you today, share it. Pass it along to other 
women who need to hear this. And Remma, thank

0:35:39.360,0:35:45.200
you for trusting this space with your story. And 
I'll see you in part two. This is women of color,

0:35:45.200,0:35:55.280
an intimate conversation where we choose ourselves 
boldly. Ria, see you next time. Bye. Thank you.